Over reacting to husbands new female friend?

[Orangeblosssom3]

Me and DH have been going through a tricky patch. And while on the computer yesterday I saw on his (open) tab on social media a message from him to a woman saying ‘I’ve still got your scarf with a grinning emoji.

She replied sorry, thanks, do you want to meet for coffee to get it back, and also to discuss x a shared interest.

He replied we can meet to ‘talk about anything you fancy’ grinning emoji.

Oh damn! Feel sick. I checked the woman’s profile, she’s 20 years younger and has a boyfriend but otherwise is just his type. DH has not mentioned this at all. He only went on social media a few months ago and she was the first person he became friends with.

What to do now? Embarrassed about admitting that I peeked on his page. I think I was a little worried. Years ago he got very friendly with a woman at work, got a crush on her I think, it never got physical but they discussed our relationship and used to also meet for coffees. We went to counseling where he realised that was insensitive.

Does he do a shared hobbie with her or work with her?

I dont think id confront him yet after last time. Id rather wait and see how far it goes if he cheats then get rid of him. If he has the inclination and you stop him he will just do it again eventually and you may be unaware.

Clearly the counselling did nothing for him last time.

No it’s not usual being out this late. I was in a bad mood when he got home, so he’s staying clear I think. He probably thinks I’m cross because I asked him to do majority childcare this weekend and he didn’t want to. I wanted time away to think.

Yes he’s got heavily into X interest for the past 6 months. They seem to share it, and was the reason he said he went back on FB and other social media. He did say he wanted to grow a network of interested people, as he’s very expert. However it’s a very Male interest on the whole and this woman although on her FB Page is interested in X, is in no way an expert. He’s not to my knowledge met up with any other new people about X interest.

i wouldn’t go on Friday. Far to soon to show your hand. Ask him questions after work on Friday about his day. See if he lies to you. Give him the rope and the time to hang himself.

Christ OP. What a situation. I agree with others to wait it out as long as you can. It feels horrible, I know. I will be thinking of you. You can do this.

I’ve just sent young woman a friend request - why did I do that? No idea. It’ll get me nowhere. Except she’s got hundreds of friends and won’t know who I am.

I do want to know more. He’s only just back, but I’m upstairs (being quietly very angry). It just seems unreal. DH still here. Life unchanged. Except fundamentally, my life is totally changed.

Cancel the friend request! I know you’re hurting but if your husband gets wind of your knowledge of this he will only become more secretive.

No weirdly me and husband aren’t friends on FB, I’ve just been through a while of staying off it. Not a heavy user anyway. He joked with me about not being friends I said I’d get round to adding him.

Silly of me though. I’ll cancel.

His phone. Honestly he takes it everywhere. He gave me his password when that crap happened when I was pregnant. Not sure if it’s still the same? If I could get hold of it, it’s worth a try.

Oh crikey I can’t find how to cancel the request!

Super sleuth I am not.

Go to activity log?
Or if she hasnt accepted yet go to her page and i think it will say request pending. I think if you see that u can cancel.

Ouch just noticed on her news feed, she advertised an event that DH went to a few weeks ago. I asked whether he met up with anyone, he said he went alone.

I went to activity log. No request pending.

I went to her page. Nothing. No add friend button at all.

Dont drive yourself mad trying to catch him out. Glad you ate hetting used to the shock its over. Hes a cock and you will be better off without.

I’ve found my sent friend requests. It lists a few people I added but none of this woman. Has she deleted it?

Usually the 'add friend' button changes to 'friend request sent' when you've done it.

then you just click on the same button and it gives you the option to 'cancel request'.

If that button is not showing......she knows who you are, has deleted your request and changed her 'privacy/request' settings.

add your husband on instead

She will have probably messaged your OH about the friendship request -
Be prepared! X

i bet she txts your husband to tell him as well

Oh no.

If she knows who I am, there’s definitely something going on.

No sign of my friend request to her.
Just added husband. See if he accepts. Feel like this is all going to blow up.
It’s crazy.
And heartbreaking.