Over reacting to husbands new female friend?

[Orangeblosssom3]

Me and DH have been going through a tricky patch. And while on the computer yesterday I saw on his (open) tab on social media a message from him to a woman saying ‘I’ve still got your scarf with a grinning emoji.

She replied sorry, thanks, do you want to meet for coffee to get it back, and also to discuss x a shared interest.

He replied we can meet to ‘talk about anything you fancy’ grinning emoji.

Oh damn! Feel sick. I checked the woman’s profile, she’s 20 years younger and has a boyfriend but otherwise is just his type. DH has not mentioned this at all. He only went on social media a few months ago and she was the first person he became friends with.

What to do now? Embarrassed about admitting that I peeked on his page. I think I was a little worried. Years ago he got very friendly with a woman at work, got a crush on her I think, it never got physical but they discussed our relationship and used to also meet for coffees. We went to counseling where he realised that was insensitive.

[BasilFaulty]

You've got this OP.

Don't be embarrassed to say you cried to us at all.

Just make sure you are stealy and resolved whatever you decide to do tonight.

Your children deserve a father who wants to be with their mother.

[Orangeblosssom3]

He’s still very young spirited so I’m not totally surprised she’s so much younger. He’s very fit and is just about to get a big promotion, he’s got a very good job. I wonder if he’s just very entitled.

[caringcarer]

He is a serial cheat and probably not capable of remaining faithful to one woman. I would be stashing money away just in case. Every time you go shopping get cash back and stash away in a pot somewhere. It will mount up. Do an overview of joint assets and go and find out how much you could claim if you were alone with children but no cheating partner. Personally I would hire private detective and get hi tailed and photographed with OW. Many will say that would be over the top but I would need to know for sure. His face book page more or less damns him. I would be working out if I could afford to rent property for me and kids while sorting out divorce. My xh cheated on me and I got divorce less than 3 months later although I had to wait almost another year to sort out finances with him. Once I knew he had cheated I did not want to remain married to him for one second longer than I needed to. Best decision I ever made. I have never been sorry. Remain strong and gather friends around you for support.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

I don’t want to know the answer OP, but I’d bet my savings he’s a management consultant.

Oh, life. So predictable

[Orangeblosssom3]

I suddenly feel very old. Late forties and not like the 28 year old he’s hanging out with. humiliated is the feeling.

[Orangeblosssom3]

He’s a clever IT consultant. Probably not that different Paul

[LeeBee11]

Oh OP I'm sorry. Men can be such bastards
Hope you get it sorted one way or another.

[IsaidMrDarcynotArsey]

Have you deleted the last hours history ? If he is an IT bod I imagine he will be on the ball about computer !

[Nanny67]

If the messages you saw were on Fb and he's still logged in, I'd message her pretending you are him and say you've changed your number, text on xyz but actually give her your number. Then arrange a meet or whatever (then she's thinking she's texting him).

[clarrylove]

Search his car to see if the scarf and/or any other evidence is there. Hairs on the passenger seat/footprints etc.

[Juells]

@clarrylove

footprints

...on the roof!

[Tistheseason17]

Hope this eve goes ok

[Luisa27]

Oh I’m so sorry you’re being made to feel like this OP .Please don’t feel ‘old’- you’re certainly not! You’re with someone who’s an utter cock and who doesn’t know how to treat you properly. My advice, for what it’s worth, is to keep your cards close to your chest - don’t do or say anything tonight - have a headache, have a bath, go to bed early - whatever, just stay out of his way until you’ve composed your thoughts. I agree with other PP’s - get everything in order financially- seek professional advice, and gather evidence. He’s an emotional vampire, and he’s sucking you dry. If he has a decent salary, you could be much better off financially than you imagine. Try to be kind to yourself tonight, and remember - everyone here is sending you strength and positivity....

[Orangeblosssom3]

@luisa and others. Thank you I appreciate everyone’s comments so much. I’m not sure how I would have got through the day otherwise.

[Orangeblosssom3]

I’m actually raging now. I’m sure DH can feel it as he’s jumped in the car after putting DS to bed and gone off ‘to the shops’. He’s avoiding me, I must look angry. I have this overwhelming urge to want to look at his phone and find out more. I don’t know if I’ll get it off him though, he is never without it.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Twat
Then twat again

Get ready to confront him . And be preparered to give some very tough ultimatums

Sorry OP - I hope you can scare him into his senses

Twat

[Thebluedog]

If the scarf is in the car, can you suddenly decide you want chocolate and borrow the car to drive to the garage and have a look around it?

[mummy2three2014]

Dont really know what advice to give but just wanted to send you some hugs x

[Tistheseason17]

I was being gaslighted so much I thought I was going mental in a past relationship ...so, I got up around 3am and checked my Ex's phone..yep, OW messages and voicemail on it.
Your gut knows but get the proof as you'll feel better when you do confront.

[Mousefunky]

I don’t think the woman is remotely interested. It all sounds a bit desperate and seedy of your DH tbh. Yanbu at all to be worried though, sounds as though he is desperate to cheat...

[Orangeblosssom3]

God he’s still out. Can’t look at the car. He goes to sleep really late and has the phone next to him.

I did screen shot messages, and deleted history.

Possibly he is thinking he’s in with a chance with her, although she’s the one who asked to meet up, but he’s the one with the bloody scarf...

[Tistheseason17]

When he's in a deep sleep you can get it! It is possible!