Over reacting to husbands new female friend?

[Orangeblosssom3]

Me and DH have been going through a tricky patch. And while on the computer yesterday I saw on his (open) tab on social media a message from him to a woman saying ‘I’ve still got your scarf with a grinning emoji.

She replied sorry, thanks, do you want to meet for coffee to get it back, and also to discuss x a shared interest.

He replied we can meet to ‘talk about anything you fancy’ grinning emoji.

Oh damn! Feel sick. I checked the woman’s profile, she’s 20 years younger and has a boyfriend but otherwise is just his type. DH has not mentioned this at all. He only went on social media a few months ago and she was the first person he became friends with.

What to do now? Embarrassed about admitting that I peeked on his page. I think I was a little worried. Years ago he got very friendly with a woman at work, got a crush on her I think, it never got physical but they discussed our relationship and used to also meet for coffees. We went to counseling where he realised that was insensitive.

I hope it's going ok op 💐

I'm worried for you OP, you seem to be making impulsive and emotional decisions which are not going to help you long term e.g. sending a friend request, asking him for a talk. I know its not easy but try and hold your impulses in for a short while.

Why do you want to stay with him anyway?!

Am actually nervous for you op, I have a feeling he will minimise and twist this to make you feel paranoid and doubt yourself.
He's had time to concoct some vaguely plausible story about scarfy, as I'm sure the friend request put their guard up.
Stay strong, no matter what he says, it's pretty obvious he's not to be trusted and you deserve to be with someone you can trust completely. Also you deserve to be with someone who doesn't prevent you from access to the main bank account information. And definitely you deserve someone who doesn't create social media accounts to chat to women, meet them for coffee and whatever else he fancies.

It's not good OP. But I hope you're okay

Sorry the unravelling personal hell of a mother of two young children isn’t moving fast enough for you @ChunckyMonkey

Would you like your popcorn buttered or with salt?

ChunckyMonkey even a ‘.’ is more insightful than anything you’ve had to say on this thread

Really hoping you’re okay OP. We’re here for you when you need us.

I’m wanting to get some shut-eye here. Any updates OP?

Just hope you're ok OP. Please look after yourself.

He is being a total wanker.
The very fact that you feel the way you do is shite.
You are young people
With young kids
In a supposedly idyllic situation you feel awful, that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
You need to let him know that you feel uncomfortable about this.
Don’t feel guilty!

Hope your chat goes ok! I'd still personally go through his phone if your that sure! You probably already know the answer to your worries though ... is a very hard situation for you but please try to stay strong you aren't the bad person in this he's the one who's been a shit husband and in turn a shit dad because you should never treat your partner like that! What example does it set for the children xx

hope everything went ok op

Thinking of you x

Shed, unfortunately people usually have tried the approach of suspecting / confronting at some point. I know I did the whole "do you need to tell me something" thing and he said no. I trusted him. A year or so later I snooped and uncovered an entire double life which spanned years. Much worse than the casual shagging around I expected.

People change, grow apart, make promises they can't keep. It's far too black and white to simply suggest not marrying 'someone like this'.

A liar is a liar so unfortunately you have to find the truth out for yourself sometimes. Asking them outright just gives them a chance to cover their tracks.

hope everything is going OK op. Keep us updated. xx

So hoping you are okay. What a horrible time for you.

Wow, the vultures are out in force on this one.

Don't worry about the OP, guys, just enjoy the show!

Pathetic.

FRS at some people. This is real life with real people with real feelings, not an episode of your fave soap. OP I truly hope everything is OK.

Ffs*

I hope all is ok op. I have been reading your thread and I am unlurking to add to the voices who are telling you you are so much better than this.

Even if 'nothing is going on' you don't trust him. He makes you feel insecure and bad any yourself. That isn't a relationship. I would want to stay in.

Be safe and be strong OP

@boopsy - very well said

Morning OP, hope you got some sleep and are taking care of yourself