Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To disagree with nursery potty training ds

270 replies

Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:17

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 02/05/2018 11:20

Surely any extra help is a bonus??
He could be all sorted week before the holidays, it's a long way off!!

jaseyraex · 02/05/2018 11:20

I don't think nursery should have any say in potty training. My DS is 3 next month and nowhere near ready, he also is only just starting to speak. I have a potty lying around for him but he doesn't grasp the concept just yet and that's fine with me. I'd be very unhappy if nursery thought they could take it upon themselves to do it. I'd absolutely speak to them and tell them you will do it yourself when ready, summer holidays aren't exactly far away anyway.

hooochycoo · 02/05/2018 11:22

Not their choice!

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 11:23

It's not their choice. I would have a word with them and find out why they feel it is necessary and remind them that it's your choice because you are his parent.

InDubiousBattle · 02/05/2018 11:23

Yes, I would speak to nursery and tell them that you will be potty training when you are ready.

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 11:24

Ooh and the fact they didn't speak to you about it beforehand would really bother me.

Doyoumind · 02/05/2018 11:25

If he's starting school in September 2019, are they looking for him to start preschool after the summer? If so, it's understandable they want him out of nappies by then.

If you're not happy though, just speak to them. There are some parents that don't bother to potty train properly so the nursery has to step in to get them ready for school.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:28

Yes, I'm not too impressed they didn't speak to my first.

I do appreciate the extra help when it comes to potty training but I genuinely don't think he's ready

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 02/05/2018 11:28

I thought nurseries expected children to be potty trained by age 3?
Just because a child doesn't speak much does not mean they can't understand.
If you don't want them to potty train just say so but I would think it may help to get him started.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:30

Considering schools can't insist a child is potty trained before they start, I don't think a nursery can say much either?

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 02/05/2018 11:31

Just tell them no you'd rather they didn't thank you for the offer.

getoutofthebath · 02/05/2018 11:32

Does your nursery have a SENCO? I'd ask to talk to them about DS. Does he have any other delays, or just potty training and speech?

NapQueen · 02/05/2018 11:33

Maybe he is displaying signs of readyness there? Why not say to them "here are the spares, however this week is a trial run and if he isnt trained by the end of it I will he wait8ng until the half term week"

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:33

Yes they do have SENCO. He was being observed at one point for potential autism (something I still think he's on the spectrum for) but they didn't agree.

It is just his speech he is quite behind on

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 02/05/2018 11:34

I can see why you're annoyed but it wouldn't hurt to give it a go. Most kids are potty training around that age.
I had a very mature and articulate DC who could talk in full sentences at 2. Refused to potty train until 3! My younger one was less verbal but trained earlier. I'm not sure the two things are necessarily linked.
Additionally, what works with dc1 might not work but with dc2!

getoutofthebath · 02/05/2018 11:35

OP is go through GP and push for a full assessment for additional needs. Knowledge is power and all that.

getoutofthebath · 02/05/2018 11:35

'I'd' sorry

Alexkate2468 · 02/05/2018 11:36

How is he going to go to preschool if he's not potty trained. I've never known pre-school staff change nappies. Would he be starting that room after the summer when you've tried training him?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:37

I did bring it up at his 2 year old assessment..the doctor told me he thought he was over indulged

My Dh didn't agree with me but now he's getting older, he is beginning to see it too. My Dh has aspergers too so I wonder if he's inherited it

OP posts:
getoutofthebath · 02/05/2018 11:38

Your GP sounds like a prize berk.

Alexkate2468 · 02/05/2018 11:38

Also, schools can insist a child is potty trained. We don't take any children still in nappies unless there is a medical reason and that cold has 1-1.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:39

get

GrinGrin

OP posts:
mummyof2boys30 · 02/05/2018 11:40

I too would push for senco and do a referal with gp. My son was showing signs of autism (we are waiting for a year to see how things go). He has language impairment and in a speech and language unit. He however did potty train easier than his brother

Ivegotfamilyandidrinkcupsoftea · 02/05/2018 11:40

This would piss me off

Its not their decision to make

I have worked in early years for over 10 years and never ever told a parent i had decided to toilet train their child

Id just tell them no you dont want to do it yet and dont feel he is ready

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 11:42

That's bollocks, alex. Plenty of kids won't have a diagnosis or a one to one by the time they start school even if they need one. Schools can't insist on no nappies.