To disagree with nursery potty training ds

[Soubriquet]

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

^Goodness, I know I will be slaughtered for this but waiting until 3 to start potty training! Why?.

Again. Because if you wait till the child's body understands what it needs to do it can be done very quickly with few, if any, accidents^

It's true that they won't get it until they are ready, but what OP is planning is arbitrarily based on her DD getting it at 3.4 and it being the summer holidays. What the nursery is doing is not really all that different; he is currently 3.2 and it is already May, not the middle of winter. I do, however, think it would have been nice to have been asked rather than told.

It's quite insulting that some people seem to think that 3+ year olds all "should" be trained. As I previously said, mine tried, and just didn't get it.

Just spoken to his Nursery who reassured me that it's not a concern to them at all- in fact they have some not trained who are closer to 4 than 3.

they should have spoken to you before sending the note to discuss toilet training

It is rubbish that a child is not ready: unless they have rather severe autism or other learning difficulties allchildren are more than capable by 18 months- 24 months. after this age they are far too practiced in using a nappy to get out of the bad habit of wetting/sh**tingthemselves.

Could you perhaps provide a source for this kshlm? The implications of what you're suggesting here seem rather radical.

I have wondered if leaving it longer makes it harder to potty train some children.
Some children will potty train easily, whether you start early or leave it. But some children are hard to potty train.

This article says normally children should be able to be potty trained in a few days by the time they are 3. But gives lots of tips of what to do if they are not. Just in case someone finds it helpful.
www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

The date is interesting - it is from 2004, when the 'old' expectations of potty training around 2.5 were still well in place (it's about the time my 2 were at that stage).

I wonder whether the same thing would be stated now? It is definitely since 2004 that 'expectations in the general parent body for potty training' have changed.

The majority of children are (more or less) capable of managing their own toiletting by three-ish. A few might be nearer 4 and that is also fine. However the point here is that the OP hasn't made any attempts to introduce her child to the potty/toilet, and also objects to the nursery doing so, which I find harder to understand.

However the point here is that the OP hasn't made any attempts to introduce her child to the potty/toilet, and also objects to the nursery doing so, which I find harder to understand

Sou was unhappy with the way the nursery approached it, not that they suggested it.

can'tkeep Good point, I hadn't noticed that.
I don't think it matters for most children if they are potty trained early or later. But I do think there needs to be more research to find out if potty training early or later works best for those kids who are harder to potty train. I have been told that it makes it harder, because kids 3 plus can be far more stubborn long term than younger kids in regards to potty training, if they don't want to do it. But I don't know if that is true or not.

I think it will vary - for some children, the actual physical control will come later, so the delay will make it easier (an analogy would be bedwetting - it's not under conscious control, so there is no possibility of 'training' - a child can either do it, or they can't, and it is a physical not behavioural / willed change).

For other children, they could have physical control, but the behaviour / willed / communication issue may be the barrier, and this might be worse with age, as you say.

Sou was unhappy with the way the nursery approached it, not that they suggested it

Yes. If they had spoken to me and said "Ds is ready to move up to the next group. However we prefer them to be potty trained. Would you mind if we started it here with you supporting at home?" And I wouldn't have minded at all.

It was the fact no one mentioned anything, just sent a note home in his diary requesting pants and trousers so they could potty train.
That was what I objected to

@Soubriquet - agree with you wholeheartedly.
You’re his mum, you’ve potty trained before - and you know your son better than anyone else.
I’d go onto nursery next week and simply explain what you’ve said to us - and that you’ll be potty training DS yourself at home during the summer. It’s your decision.

....and yes, the lack of communication would piss me off a bit too.
Don’t doubt yourself - it’s definitely the right thing to do for your little one

@Sarahrellyboo1987 Many doctors will disagree with you on that. Children who are not ready to toilet train often hold on to their pee often till they have their bedtime nappy on. Read the link I posted. I believe I have my facts straight

@mammasmitten I grew up with kidney issues and my daughter had urology input - I’ll take his facts over your opinion.
If a child can hold their bladder till bedtime....they’re ready to toilet train.

While I totally understand your annoyance that they didn't discuss with you, I would let them try. My DD was a nightmare with potty training, I tried several times between age 3 and 3 years 9 months, including the summer holidays, different types of pants, several different potties (musical, different colours you name it) but she absolutely refused each time, huge traumatic emotional episodes, so severe I thought I was psychologically damaging her so dropped it each time. A week after my last attempt (which left us both in tears) the nursery told me she was totally ready and they'd like to start training her. I pointed out that I didn't think she was and we'd tried only a week earlier. They were certain so I thought why not!. She came home dry having happily used the potty all day. Next day I was determined and stuck with it (she wee'd all over the house, including standing next to the potty while looking at me!!) but knowing that she actually was totally capable gave me the strength to push through. She was totally trained in 4 days day and night and has never once wet the bed. Sometimes they are different people at nursery than they are at home. Just worth considering xxx

Mine was trained at 3 years 4 months, I tried just before he was 3 (at the encouragement of pre-school) and it was an epic failure which almost resulted in him having an aversion to trying, so we stopped for a couple of months. Tried again and it was like a totally different child. Mine also had a slight speech delay and he needed a bit more comprehensive of the situation and the extra 6 months gave us that.

Mama You are talking about kids who have physical control, but are deliberately holding on. This is an issue of control and can happen whatever age you toilet train. The link I posted upthread gives advice about how to deal with this.

My DD has no control at 2.4 months. She won't even tell me after she's done a wee in her nappy yet. Or a poo.