To disagree with nursery potty training ds

[Soubriquet]

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

Of course it might not work, but why not give it a try?

Because the OP knows their child is not ready.

im in scotland, in our area our school nurseries will not take children in nappies, private nurseries do. any child with special needs etc tend to go to certain schools where they get great support. when we registered our child for nursery we were told they have to be toilet trained due to them having 50 kids in the morning 50 in the afternoon they dont have enough time to be checking and changing them etc which i agree with, most children are toilet trained for starting school nursery at 3 years i wouldnt want them changing my child anyway, if they go on trips like ours do they wouldnt want to carry nappies for every child with them and wipes etc.

It can take years to get an accurate diagnosis of SEN. What happens to the kids in limbo?!

bath Yes that is because he would have to be taught this. It is part of potty training.

Trying before the child is ready can be very damaging.

No it isn't Fosters, that is an old fashioned Freudian idea

Hello crunchymint - you clearly have no idea of how difficult it can be to potty train a child with additional needs. I suggest you go on the SEN board and familiarise yourself with it there.

I am currently training my 2 year old and appreciate any help and said so to nursery - maybe they think they are being helpful. I am sure if you say you don't want to do it until the summer they won't mind.

Maybe best just to speak to them and find out

Considering schools can't insist a child is potty trained before they start, I don't think a nursery can say much either?
I think this is a dreadful attitude and probably part of the reason schools have so many issues. It doesn’t matter if the school will or won’t take a child in nappies. Why would you want your child to be in nappies at school if there isn’t an actual medical issue for them to be in them? There was a girl in DDS class in reception in nappies, all the other children knew/guessed and the girl didn’t like being different. She was out of them by half term but it would have saved her a lot of embarrassment among her peers if she had been out of nappies before she started.

I also don’t think being non verbal is any reason not to try them in pants. Ds couldn’t talk properly until nearly 3, he was out of nappies before his second birthday. We managed perfectly well when out of the house, his lack of speech really wasn’t an issue.

Yes that is because he would have to be taught this. It is part of potty training.

Mine all 'trained' after three, between 3.2 and 3.5.

Or rather, they didn't - when they were ready, I put them in pants and because they were old enough to understand the process, they started using the loo.

All had one day, literally one day of wet pants and that was it - 'potty trained'.

I had a trial run with all of them before this point, of course. But they weren't ready, so I stopped.

It was the most stress-free experience ever.

All were out of pull ups and dry overnight relatively quickly by comparison with classmates it seems.

So yes you can choose to wait until they are truly 'ready' to just move into pants.

Going against the grain here....I'd be over the moon if my DS's nursery wanted to toilet train him, I'm not looking forward to it!

I work in a preschool and we change nappies (just by the by). Of course it's not their choice when your ds is trained.

The problem is though, My, that if they start it there, the op will have to continue with it at home, something she doesn't want to do yet.

"have to say I am astonished at the number of parents with children with no developmental delays who believe it's OK for a three year old child to still not be potty trained."

I agree with this, children are being trained later and later. 9/10 children are trained by age 3 (and some of those 1/10 will have developmental delays etc) www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/potty-training-tips/

I work supporting 3-5 year olds with speech and language difficulties (not ASD or con plex needs). We only accept toilet trained children. They may not say correct words or may need a sign or to point at a symbol to signal they need to go but not talking much is not a reason alone to delay attempting to potty train.

I'm not sure what the harm is in a preschool.child not being potty trained by age 3.

A school cannot insist that a child is toilet trained or that parents come in to change them. Both of those things are unlawful.
A child just being non verbal may not stop them toilet training at the usual age but the conditions that cause the child to be non verbal might stop them.

crunchy i didnt say communicate verbally, i said communicate.

My children were about 20 months (dd) and 2.5 years when they were trained (ds and dd2). Ds has had no end of trouble with accidents here, there and everywhere. Maybe he wasn't ready yet? He said he wanted to wear pants but maybe I shouldn't have let him....food for thought.

bath I worked with parents toilet training a 3 year old who had no speech at all and other developmental delays. We worked together to teach him macaton for toilet. Of course some kids with SEN will be very difficult to toilet train, but I know from that and other experiences, that being non verbal does not by itself mean a child can not be toilet trained.

not every child with Asd and or complex learning disabilities will be diagnosed at three my son is nearly eight and not toilet trained yet he goes to a special school so it's not an issue and he has autism and learning disabilities but even he wasent diagnosed untill three and a half.

@Spikeyball

My dd was 4.5 when diagnosed,settings like yours where so frustrating. She was not asd on paper so not complex needs and thEy expected normal. Once there was a report everyone suddenly got it. Until then I spent years 2-3 hearing stuff like being pre-verbal isn’t a barrier, always suggesting I was lazy etc. Especially as she was quiet and not your stereotypical boy with asd, she was nearly silent and scared so a good girl. They didn’t see the meltdowns in the still scared brief visits where the noise froze her so she was ‘shy’. She’s now grown into an obviously asd child with LD, despite not fitting every early checklist and the wheels of support turning is slowly.

We got to the point where we worked it all out ourselves after some years of hell, and NOW we always get offered support. Bit late now we are deep in Home education...

I do wish settings and people trusted parents more when hey know the child is not ready, it’s rare they don’t have reasons if you put away the tick sheets and actually listen.

Sorry meant to be @littleducks

YANBU, it's not their place. They should discuss this with you and recommend it, not just say they want to do it.

If you look at average age of potty training and when a child it developmentally ready for potty training (a child without additional needs), it is around 2-3. So a child of school age should be potty trained unless there is a medical reason why they can't.