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AIBU?

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Original poster

To disagree with nursery potty training ds

270 replies

Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:17

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

OP posts:
Jaxtellerswife · 02/05/2018 11:43

Request? No.
Tell? Absolutely
It's your decision

Alexkate2468 · 02/05/2018 11:44

Not bollcks. Honestly, the school I work in would not take the child. We don't have the means to cope. Just saying that schools can insist on potty training.

DairyisClosed · 02/05/2018 11:44

Ours was similar to your son in ten of linguistic development. We pity trained just before age three. They don't need to understand anything beyond that they need to wee/poo in the toilet and that doing it anywhere else is bad. It also helps many children if they are wearing pants because they can immediately tell if they have done a wee because they feel the wet. I don't really see any reason why you can't try potty train in g him now. If it doesn't work then stop and try again later.

Jaxtellerswife · 02/05/2018 11:45

I work in a pre school where nappychanging is common. People sometimes try to rush their child, it will be much easier to wait until they are ready

mustbemad17 · 02/05/2018 11:45

It could be that he is showing interest, especially if other kids around him are doing it - i used to work in a nursery & we found a lot of kids ignored the process at home but wanted to engage at nursery because their peers were.

If you don't want them to do it just tell them, it's ultimately down to you unless their policy mentions that being toilet trained is a necessity at x point

RomeoBunny · 02/05/2018 11:45

She's 3. Why the hell isnt she potty trained already.

DairyisClosed · 02/05/2018 11:45

And if course school can expect children to be fully potty trained. The school our son is going to would take children who aren't.

Jaxtellerswife · 02/05/2018 11:46

Romeobunny
Many many children aren't ready to do it properly by then.

Olympiathequeen · 02/05/2018 11:47

Have you had his hearing checked. DS was dead as a post beforehand he had his adenoids out and grommits in. Now perfect although clear speech is still taking its time

And no, you potty train when you are ready

Aprilmightbemynewname · 02/05/2018 11:47

No disrespect but they have him a good chunk of his day, surely they will have a good idea also if his ready? The fact he has attended there so long surely means you trust them?

SooChef · 02/05/2018 11:47

No reason not to potty train him. Now he's 3 he might be in a class with higher ratios. In the nursery I worked at I could have 13 children aged 3-4. I certainly didn't have time to nappy change one 3 year old and leave 12 others to their own devices.

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 11:48

What do those schools do with children who aren't potty trained but haven't been diagnosed with anything yet? Just refuse to have them?

mustbemad17 · 02/05/2018 11:48

Our local schools also won't take kids who are not toilet trained (obviously medical/additional needs notwithstanding)

Fatted · 02/05/2018 11:48

My childminder with my eldest asked if I would start potty training at 2. I declined. We compromised that he would wear a pull up so he could go to the toilet with the others whilst he was there.

Youngest was 3 yesterday and we potty trained at home in the Easter holidays. He took to it fine. He is a quiet child, he was late talking compared to my eldest. Perhaps nursery think he is showing signs of being ready? I am surprised his key worker didn't discuss it with you.

Mia1415 · 02/05/2018 11:49

They should have spoken to you first. My DS was still in nappies in pre-school and was an absolute nightmare to train! He finally got the hang of it when he just turned 4. His nursery were brilliant though and worked with me. He has no other development problems just didn't care if he was wet and wouldn't use the potty or toilet.

LunaTrap · 02/05/2018 11:49

Schools who refuse to take children in nappies are not acting within the law.

www.eric.org.uk/help-at-school-faqs

Hideandgo · 02/05/2018 11:50

I’d let them have a go! If they manage it then it’s one less thing to do. But potty training is not something I give much thought to. And I’d be delighted for someone else to sort it. Though presumedly they need you to continue it out of Nursery he’s so it could impact you quite a bit.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 02/05/2018 11:50

April

No they don't. He attends nursery 2.30-5.30 5 days a week.

So not more than home

OP posts:
Mia1415 · 02/05/2018 11:50

She's 3. Why the hell isnt she potty trained already.

Are you serious???

ILikeMyChickenFried · 02/05/2018 11:52

This would really irritate me, I don't think it's their place.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 02/05/2018 11:52

Would have been grateful if nursery had done it for ds, it's not a milestone more a millstone!
But an afternoon every day is still a good opportunity for him to use school loo! Can't see why you are against it tbh.

FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends · 02/05/2018 11:52

It's not their decision to make. I am actually moving my DS from his current nursery because of this. He's only just two and they are saying before he can move from the 0-2 room to the 2-4 room he needs to be potty trained. They think he's ready purely on the basis he can tell them when he's done a poo.

He's not even slightly ready. Whenever I've put him on the potty he's screamed hysterically. He hates being naked. He has no idea when he's weeing either.

I'd be more than happy for him to be trained now IF he was ready, but he isn't.

Alexkate2468 · 02/05/2018 11:55

@smashedmug, yes. We've had a case recently. We haven't got the staff/child ratio for a member of staff to be out changing nappies. The parents refused to be called to come in and change the nappy and we would not leave a child in a dirty nappy. Its not an ideal situation but it happened. I have no idea where we stood legally but nothing came of it.

FASH84 · 02/05/2018 11:55

Why turn down the help? Give it a go if it doesn't work try again in the holidays. My mum used to manage a nursery 3+ age group they wouldn't take children in nappies (additional needs was a different matter) due to staffing ratios needed for this age group. They were outstanding according to ofsted so this clearly is allowed. Maybe he wants to because his friends do it.

Daffodils07 · 02/05/2018 11:56

The nursery that my son attends will help with potty training when they are asked not when they want to.
my son is 3 but he is quite behind and has sensory needs.
Both myself and nursery have tried and he just sits on the potty and will stay there all day so he is quite clearly not ready.
I really do think it is better that parents and nursery are on the same page with this.
Its best to wait until they are 100% ready then have a child who is constantly having accidents.