To disagree with nursery potty training ds

[Soubriquet]

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

That's shocking, alexkate2468. I think its a shame the parents clearly don't know their rights around the issue otherwise the school would have heard something by now. What an awful school.

Speak to his key person and explain hat you don’t think he’s ready, and you planned to do it over the summer and why. Ask them why they think he’s ready to start now. Maybe compromise with putting him in a pull up so that if he is asking to go to the toilet at nursery then he’s able to?

As far as I’m aware, schools can’t refuse to accept children who aren’t toilet trained, but they can explain that they do not have the staff or facilities to change nappies, so parents will be called to come to shcool and change their child whenever needed. That’s what my local school does, and unsurprisingly, even the parents who say their 4 year olds isn’t ready yet decide to toilet train them the summer before school to avoid having to go in several times a day!

It isn't an awful school. We'd be breaking the law of we took out a member of staff (ideally 2 for safeguarding reasons) and put the other 39 children at risk. There is no funding for more staff and we are pushed to the limit with other needs in the class. It's a no win situation. I get that it's hard to understand if you don't work in it but we often in impossible situations and have to draw a line somewhere.

Ask why they think he's ready? Nursery suggested to us when to train our twins (2y 4m) and while it worked great for DD1 I wish I'd challenged them about DD2 because I suspect they wouldn't have recommended it so early for her if not for her sister. She had issues with not wanting to poo in the toilet and had accidents for absolute ages. Don't know if it would have been any different if we'd potty trained later but I do wonder.

Also I work in a preschool and we change nappies. In September, more than half of the children are still in nappies, and they toilet train at some point over the year. There’s always one or two that leave for the summer before school and are still in nappies

I have to say I am astonished at the number of parents with children with no developmental delays who believe it's OK for a three year old child to still not be potty trained.
DD had a childminder and one day of creche before she went to school and they supported us brilliantly in her potty training. I was very grateful to them instead of begrudging them for that. A child that's over two and a half and except for a rare accident can't say they need to go for a wee or a poo is not being encouraged properly and I am surprised anyone thinks that's normal.
There are countries where children are out of their nappies by the time they are one and a half or even younger. Parents encourage their going to the loo, have a schedule of when to go and this is how children learn best.
You're BU in my opinion, you should be grateful the creche wants to support your child's potty training. What's your problem with that anyway?

It takes 5 min max to change a nappy. Ratios really dont apply here. What if a member of staff needs to toilet?

Fwiw my eldest two were both over 3 when toilet trained. They were not ready. Dc3 on the other hand was dry day and night at 2nd birthday. They are all different.

I can’t think why you wouldn’t want them to try.

Staff can only go to the toilet at break times. Teachers can never just quickly pop out to the loo 😂

Just an observation but often dcs are more comfortable with toiletting when they are with and can copy other dcs. In your case I'd let the nursery kick start things. If it obviously isn't working out then they will stop.

The nursery potty trained my neice as she was there from 8am-6pm every day, as were all her class mates (it was a work place nursery), so they used to sit them all on the potty at the same time and they just learned without any effort. My dc2 was trained at 18months because he copied his elder sibling. I didn't actively do anything other than swap nappies for pants.

Hi, nursery - no, that won't be necessary as I have not given permission for you to start potty training DS - sorry if there may have been any confusion about this. I can confirm that no-one has asked my permission, so there must be a case of crossed wires somewhere. Thanks, Soub.'

And ratios absolutely DO apply at ALL times..

It's your choice, not theirs.
If he's not ready, them pushing him isn't going to help.

I'd probably say the opposite if he was there for full days, but he's only there for 3 hours a day, so I think them trying is pretty pointless.

We potty trained our son when he was 3.5 and it literally took a couple of days as he was ready then

It certainly doesn't sound like a great one alex 😂 what on earth do you do if there's an emergency or a child is sick if there's so many children and so few staff? Or one of the toilet trained children has an accident? Sounds like a shambles.

And your school is already breaking the law by refusing children who can't use the toilet yet. Not everyone with medical reasons behind it will have a diagnosis or even be seeing a doctor for it at that age.

Sorry but any early years setting ive worked in staff go and change nappies while still counted in the ratio in the room (unless obv they are the only staff member present) Obviously numbers are higher with in a school maybe this is the difference

have to say I am astonished at the number of parents with children with no developmental delays who believe it's OK for a three year old child to still not be potty trained.

Why? It's well within the realms of normal to not yet be ready at 3.

I really don't think being verbal has much to do with it, sorry. I am one of those people who started getting the baby used to the potty very early. That's personal choice and not for everyone, but the point I am making is that preverbal children are absolutely capable of making the pee/poo -> potty association---they don't need to be putting things into words in an elaborate way (or at all, actually).

As other posters have said, potty training works better when they get a bunch of kids doing it. And I can totally see why they want to get the ball rolling if your kid has already turned three--this is hardly early for getting a child using the toilet, honestly.

So you toilet train your dc who cannot communicate. What happens in the supermarket?

If you are talking about the OP's son, he can communicate, it is just that his speech is somewhat behind in terms of forming sentences. No reason why this should be a barrier in terms of saying "pee pee" or whatever.

If you are talking about me? I didn't "toilet train" my child when she was a preverbal baby, but I did get her used to using the potty at times when I knew she was likely to go (after waking up, after naps, when it was obvious she needed a poo).

We stopped using nappies in the house quite early, but I put one on her when we went out of the house as a backup until about her second birthday. We never had any public disasters, it was pretty straightforward.

family Lots of kids are toilet trained who can not communicate verbally. You simply have a non verbal sign for toilet when you are putting them on the toilet or potty.

And what I did was a personal choice, not for everyone. But the point I am making is that the fact that the OP's son is behind in terms of sentence formation probably has no bearing in terms of, can he learn to use the toilet or not. Given that he is three, I'd strongly recommend letting the nursery have a go, esp if they are going to be working with lots of children at the same time--peer pressure is an amazing thing.

This thread has upset me quite a bit tbh, my 3.5y isn't ready to potty train yet. He has some speech delay and high functioning ASD. It's devastating to think that some people genuinely believe that we haven't tried hard enough with him, or that he'd copy others at nursery and quickly get the hang of it. We have and he won't.

The spectrum of what's 'normal' at 3 is enormous.

If the child has any sort of ASD then peer pressure will mean absolutely jack shit.

My son can say when he wants a biscuit, or a drink. But he will not say when he needs to urinate, or defecate, or even tell me when he has. Communication is so much more than the ability to speak.