To disagree with nursery potty training ds

[Soubriquet]

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

What does DS himself think? Have you discussed using the potty/toilet with him, or tried to familiarise him at all?

Assuming DS isn't upset by the idea, I really can't see any harm in the nursery having a go. DS will likely have seen his peers using the toilet, which may well help with his understanding and confidence.

You are the parent. It’s therefore your choice when to start. You know your DC best so it’s up to you not them! Do it when the time is right for you and your child. Good luck.

I only the read the first and last page OP but as an early years worker I felt the need to reply. I work at a pre-school with children ranging from age 2 to 4 and we change lots of nappies, someone upthread mentioned pre-schools not accepting children in nappies...ridiculous! Some children are ready at 2, some not until school age, you can't discriminate. We wait for the parents to mention potty training, then ask what they do/say at home so we can keep things consistent for the child. We ask them if they mind us using sticker charts etc to praise and encourage. We even have 'potty training bags' that parents just starting it can take home and use, it includes a travel potty, potty training for boys/girls book, sticker charts etc. I think it's terrible the staff put a note in your sons bag to say to bring spare clothes in as they are starting potty training him, it should be coming from you.

Just say to them "Thanks but I intend to start training him in the summer holidays, that works best for us. I don't feel he is ready yet"

I can see both sides of this. No it's not their decision , but if they have been seeing signs of readiness and are prepared to help you get going then I don't see the drama.
Most children can potty train by 3. I'll get pounced on but I think it's quite late tbh and def worth a try .

What kind of parent waits that long! How ridiculous to except your child to suddenly not do it in their pants after 3 years! I can not believe any parent would not welcome with open arms the nursery doesn’t no what they obviously have been far too lazy and selfish to sort out themselves. It is rubbish that a child is not ready: unless they have rather severe autism or other learning difficulties allchildren are more than capable by 18 months- 24 months. after this age they are far too practiced in using a nappy to get out of the bad habit of wetting/sh**tingthemselves. Shame on you ‘modern’ parents. Your are just lazy and can’t be bothered. If your child is autistic that is quite a different situation and I feel for you. But otherwise you have yourself to blame and I feel sorry for the poor child.

@kshlm piss off! What a horrible comment

If you teach a child the same habit for 1000days is it easy or difficult to suddenly break that habit? Why is it acceptable now for poor children to be saddled with nappies waiting for the ‘child’ to be ready! The parent is the teacher. You can teach laziness poor habits very easily. It is not much effort to teach toilet training. But it is apparently unpleasant and not done these days. Far more unpleasant for the children still in nappies.

Goodness, I know I will be slaughtered for this but waiting until 3 to start potty training! Why?. Surely you son comprehended words you say to him like dinner time, shoes, bedtime. He can then learn what he is to do with the potty training. Yes, it's easier to let then run about in pants so no trousers/dressed being soiled and easier for child to manage. Just cannot understand this practice of not toilet training much earlier. Give the nursery a chance, they may well succeed.

You might be holding him up with ur plan to wait: sounds like they’re doing you a favour

Goodness, I know I will be slaughtered for this but waiting until 3 to start potty training! Why?.

Again. Because if you wait till the child's body understands what it needs to do it can be done very quickly with few, if any, accidents

@kshlm

Because you know better than all the child experts, right? Get to fuck.

Good grief! Get your kids potty trained earlier. It's grim little kids pooping in a nappy.
Some kids are still in nappies at school.
Let & encourage your nursery get your kids into pants & stop being so precious

If my child wasn't PT by 3 absolutely I'd want school to help me.

My 2.5 has just trained thanks to her nursery staff who encouraged the children to go to the potty together even when they were still in pull ups. Eventually DD saw the other children using it and said she wanted to wear undies too.

I'd suggest you speak to them about what they intend to do, their methodology, etc. and see if you can be comfortable with it. It might be good for him.

"Some kids are still in nappies at school."

Yes all children have the right to an education these days.

Same as some other members I'm a qualified nursery nurse and find it appalling that they didn't speak to you first. That's not very good communication. Some nurseries won't take a child in unless potty trained but each nursery is different and it depends on what the policy states. If you feel uncomfortable about this then without a doubt you need to speak to them and tell them what you'd prefer. Each child is completely different so whilst the average age to PT is around 2/2 and a half years, it's very normal and OK for children to PT later. The important part of PT is that the child is ready and all parties agree on how the child will be PT and what's expected ect communication is the key and you need to speak up if something bothers you otherwise the nursery will continue to do so as they feel you're OK with it. Again like others have stated maybe your nursery have seen signs of readiness and thought it was the perfect opportunity.

I don’t think children are any less capable than100 years ago. Think about where your advice comes from: companies selling nappies have pushed endless nonsense about waiting and waiting and don’t upset your child. Every childcare professional I ever had contact with had the same advice and that was don’t wait: 2nd birthday Or before. Definitely never older than 2 and a month or two. All children were capable and out of nappies in Victorian times by 12 months. Children will be traumatised if they have stayed in nappies unnaturally long and then are asked to stop.

Kshlm, I often wondered about that. It does seem to have become something massive when actually from quite a young age you can just take the nappies off and get on with it. Some kids will have lots of accidents, some not so many. But I do think accidents are preferable to nappies. It would be interesting to know what impact leaving it too late has. A positive impact for nappy companies, that’s for sure!

My son is in the preschool class of a private nursery, he is 3yrs 8months and is potty trained at home but just getting there at nursery. He is very anxious about going in without a nappy but we're working in it. They have nonissue with him being in nappies, and a few of his classmates are too. A school cannot refuse a child in nappies, neither can a nursery. All the staff at the nursery have said to take it at his pace, to encourage but not to force. And that's the general advice I've had from everyone I've spoken to.

You know your child best, if he's not ready he's not ready.

well arnt you a delight kshlm kids were not ready earlier years ago they may have been out of nappies but I bet there were an awful lot of accidents oh and btw I have a severly autistic child in nappies hes nearly eight I don't need your sympathy thanks

I doubt very much there are many neurotypical kids starting school in nappies, at ds1 mainstream school my friends child was the only child who started reception in nappies in about 20 years and he has global development delay as well as an EHCP and various other disabillities.

DS1 was in trainer pants when he started school. He didn't have anything diagnosed then, he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis 4 months later. Nobody changed him until he got home.

that's neglect Perfectly I would point the school in the direction of the the ERIC guidelines at my ds2 special school he gets changed three times a day which personally I think is a bit excessive as the NHS nappies I send in are designed to last 12 hrs but I can't complain at the care he recieves

Bit late now x2boys, he's 27 now. I don't know if ERIC even existed then.

ah sorry perfectly I misunderstood thankfully times have changed

My fault for not bothering to mention his age! 😂