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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's impossible to make some homes nice?

315 replies

InteriorDespairer · 01/05/2018 12:52

I've recently begun trying to make my home a bit nicer- I live in a tiny one bedroom flat with a balcony with my DH, and try as I might to make it actually a nice place to be, it's beginning to feel like an exercise in futility.

Let's start with the bathroom. It has no windows, and a tiled floor- the builders did a crappy job of grouting the tiles, it comes out in huge chunks so there are loads of gaps, and there is some on the tiles which I just haven't been able to shift which means parts of the floor just always look dirty. The tiles are grey with a sort of grainy texture to them. It's a tiny room with no storage at all, I bought this little floor tidy to put things in as it was about the only thing that would fit, but the room still manages to look cluttered. One of the light fittings has never worked either.

We have a combined kitchen/sitting room with wooden floors which were poorly fitted so in winter/when its cold you can't move an inch without them creaking like crazy. The washing machine makes so much noise at times it's pointless trying to watch TV or pay attention to anything else.

We have floor-to-ceiling windows with no windowsills and cheap vertical blinds like these. Same in the bedroom. All the windows are south facing and the blinds are practically transparent so on sunny days it gets absurdly hot.

The furniture - DH bought the place before we got together and furnished it like a typical cash-strapped bachelor with chunky black Ikea furniture as far as the eye can see, and the world's ugliest beige sofa. The black furniture shows up every speck of dust and fingerprint, so sometimes it feels like painting the Forth bridge trying to keep it looking nice! We do have a lovely bureau which I inherited when my GPs died but next to all the black Ikea stuff it just looks odd and out of place.

The bedroom - also tiny, we have a (chunky black Ikea) kingsize bed, a massive wardrobe (same again), chest of drawers in front of the window and a small bedside unit.

Hallway - essentially just an empty space, occasionally occupied by the clothes horse. Not enough room for any furniture.

The balcony - also pretty small with a glass wall, impossible to hang anything from (unless I use cable ties) because of the flat, roughly 2-inch wide rail along the inside. We don't tend to spend a great deal of time out there anyway because of the kids who play outside and scream their heads off until about 10 p.m. and our downstairs neighbours whose cigarette and weed smoke comes straight up at us.

I just don't know how to make it into a nice home. I keep it clean and tidy, have tried not to clutter it up with too much 'decorative' stuff but it's just never a particularly warm or inviting place to be. I can't afford to start replacing furniture, I did buy a throw for the sofa but because the sofa cushions don't even fucking fit it just looked messy.

Does anyone else feel like this about their home? Can anyone make any suggestions from how I might transform mine? It's getting thoroughly depressing at this point.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
leccybill · 11/05/2018 00:25

I agree with QueenArse

AhoyDelBoy · 11/05/2018 00:31

As I've noticed everyone on here saying when an OP accidentally revert to their real username 'Name change fail OP' >cringe

AngeloMysterioso · 11/05/2018 00:45

Well thanks a million AhoyDelBoy for bringing that to everyone's attention and not just letting it slide...

JessieMcJessie · 11/05/2018 00:49

Name change fail is obvious as your posts are no longer highlighted,

Well done on getting rid of the CD towers! TV area looks good now.

AjasLipstick · 11/05/2018 00:54

angelo we all probably knew..I did anyway. OP's posts are highlighted in green or whatever colour people choose....

AngeloMysterioso · 11/05/2018 00:57

I was so upset after arguing with DH that remembering to NC was the last thing on my mind.

Fuck it. The icing on the shitcake of my evening!

isthisspring · 11/05/2018 02:13

Your changes were good ones. Your DH is being really unfair, you are in a shared space not his space. He really isn't treating you like a partner.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 11/05/2018 06:15

In all seriousness, why is he being such a dick? Are you surprised at his behaviour? He sounds a real shit, actually.

How soon can you move into your own, joint place? If this is all about being his space originally, then I'd be trying to get out sharpish.

The cupboard (no chrome tidy) looked loads better.

0LIVE · 11/05/2018 06:26

So you’ve lived there for 5 years and you are not allowed to buy a bathroom tidy without a major row Shock

He sounds very controlling. Can you tell me about other aspects of your relationship ?

MaryLennoxsScowl · 11/05/2018 07:31

Could you compromise and get a wall mounted cabinet instead of a sink one? Ask him to help you choose?

JessieMcJessie · 11/05/2018 07:34

Making your wife cry over a bathroom cabinet is not on. He sounds like a selfish, stingy, closed-minded bully with no taste or empathy, I am sorry to say. And his untidy shoes and sports kit are physical evidence of how little of a shit he gives about your feelings.

Think about it- if he is this unwilling to let you properly into “his” home, what does that say about where you fit into his life overall?

I am not saying LTB but by Christ he needs a wake-up call.

Whitesea · 11/05/2018 08:39

I live with someone whose house I moved into and who dislikes change too! . If left to him, nothing would ever change! I was where you are for seven years just making suggestions that were knocked down as he can’t visualise. New things like getting the bathroom redone were all compromises which meant that despite spending lots of money, the finished result still wasn’t great. Things like new flooring ended in screaming matches as he didn’t want to spend the money, and thought what was there would do.

My stress levels were hitting the roof and finally I went from thinking nine of this is worth it and just started buying bigger pieces of furniture without saying anything to him. He still gives out but it is too late as the things are here and the money has been spent and at least I have furniture I like in the house our children and I live in. In DH’s case, he is from a family who deliberate over everything and watch every penny. It is exhausting and unnecessary as they are well off. DH flits from spending money on what I consider unnecessary eg constantly updating computer and tv stuff but the idea of spending money on a rug baffles him.

TheViceOfReason · 11/05/2018 09:06

Buy a tub of grout and do the bathroom floor yourself - its very easy. Watch some youtube videos.

Ditto the light that doesn't work. It's very simple to do - turn the electrics off at the mains first!

JessieMcJessie · 11/05/2018 11:41

PS I am all for women doing DIY and am handy with a drill myself but your macho sporty husband isn’t exactly a capable bloke about the house if he can’t sort some bathroom floor tiles and fix a broken light, is he?

MessySurfaces · 11/05/2018 12:54

Oh OP it's so hard!! Have you (very calmly) pointed out that he won't discuss house stuff with you, but he's not happy for you to get on with sorting things out? He needs to pick one of those two positions, not both...

Can you put a corner shelf in the bathroom for his bits, since the rest of the chrome thing is redundant?

Re cleaning- even if it weren't for the rows you are having, he needs to do half. Or if it's going to be his house his rules, then all.

It's all made harder by it having got quite heated, but no clue how you come back from there...

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