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Original poster

Daddy and daughter date nights?

189 replies

ILikeMyChickenFried · 01/05/2018 12:22

How long has this been a thing? An advert for a local Daddy daughter date night has just popped up on my Facebook. Seems a bit bizarre.

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 01/05/2018 16:50

@walking - it’s in part about teaching a man how they should treat a woman, yes. It’s also in part about teaching a man how to treat his elders. Most East Asian and South Asian men do similar things with their fathers too.

BarbarianMum · 01/05/2018 16:51

You don't know what's wrong with describing another culture's use of their native language as "tacky" because it differs from your own? You do surprise me. Hmm

ZeroFuchsGiven · 01/05/2018 16:54

@LifeBeginsAtGin I remember that thread well, it didn't go down well at all did it! Grin

Thats why I clicked on this thread, it reminded me of that.

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 01/05/2018 16:57

You don't know what's wrong with describing another culture's use of their native language as "tacky" because it differs from your own? You do surprise me.

Oh, grow up!

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 01/05/2018 16:59

Most East Asian and South Asian men do similar things with their fathers too.

They have a very different attitude towards elders in Asia, at least in the countries I've experienced - a much better attitude. I never mentioned anyone calling meals with their parents dates though!

OP posts:
Dancingleopard · 01/05/2018 18:05

Is there a similar theme there of teaching the child how to treat a future partner, like the son dating his mother? Or is that part absent?

It’s interesting to see how two people can see the same situation but have completely different interpretation of it.

When dd has a mother daughter date with me - I really don’t think it’s stealth grooming for her to be a lesbian or when dh takes her for daddy daughter date she sees or feels it’s her playing future wife.

She just loves being complete Center of attention and being spoiled.

I think some posters are using the word literatly where I feel the word has been so watered down it really doesn’t mean anything sinister. It’s just ‘a date’ a specific time where you both have a great time.

DuchyDuke · 01/05/2018 18:30

You never heard a East Asian man refer to his mum his girlfriend then; or a woman refer to her son(s) as her boyfriends? It happens a lot. Especially if she’s widowed / divorced.

Original poster
ILikeMyChickenFried · 01/05/2018 18:36

You never heard a East Asian man refer to his mum his girlfriend then; or a woman refer to her son(s) as her boyfriends? It happens a lot. Especially if she’s widowed / divorced.

Not within my family/ friends, no.

OP posts:
cantmakeme · 01/05/2018 18:38

Americans use the word "date" a little differently I guess - like play date isn't a romantic date...

Dancingleopard · 01/05/2018 18:41

dutchy no! Christ on a bike that’s weird!!

emmyrose2000 · 02/05/2018 02:26

It has its roots in conservative Christian culture, the idea that a father must show his daughter how a man ought to treat her, so when she stops guarding her 'purity' and marries, she chooses a husband who will slot into those fixed gender roles with her (paying for everything, getting her coat, pulling a chair out for her and so forth

I watched a documentary on this once. It was one of the creepiest, most skin crawling things I've ever watched. These fathers were so over invested in their daughters' sexual matters it was sick. They must be pretty piss poor dads' if they need a specific, special occasion to demonstrate how a girl/lady should be treated. Treat both your daughter and her mother decently everyday and that'd be far better role modelling.

I spent a lot of time going out one on one with my dad as I grew up. If it had ever been referred to as a 'date', or was based around my 'purity'/sexual matters (current or future) I would never have left the house with him.

MakeItStopNeville · 02/05/2018 02:39

I’ve taken my children out on dates for years. I have 4 kids and it means “Mum (and/or Dad) and Kid X are going to spend time doing something Kid X loves without the rest of the gang competing for my attention”. But calling it date night is quicker.

Rtmhwales · 02/05/2018 02:44

American here - we definitely just use the term date for anything really. I’d say we’re having a girls date if my friends and I were meeting up for dinner or my mum used to say mommy-daughter date. See also, play date. I think it’s meant as a date to do something not a date as in romantically.

SenecaFalls · 02/05/2018 02:51

Exactly. I have a date with a friend to go shopping Saturday. Just today I sent a text to a colleague who requested a meeting at a specific time on Friday: "It's a date. See you then." In the US, "date" often has non-romantic connotations.

IamSerena · 02/05/2018 03:03

Nice idea but the phrasing gives me the boak

pallisers · 02/05/2018 03:30

date means something very different in the US - like Seneca and others say, people use it to mean appointment or arrangement or day out.

That said, my dh would never ever use the word date with his daughters. He regularly brings his children (all late teens/early 20s - 2 girls, 1 boy) for brunch/lunch etc but he would say "meeting tom for breakfast tomorrow, anyone else want to come?"

the purity stuff referred to here is part of a tiny minority and highly regional to boot. Most americans wouldn't know what you were talking about (unless they read the daily mail).

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2018 04:47

I think it is fine. In this event 'date' means a time, it's an Americanism.

Agree with @LittleLionMansMummy "If it makes any difference I'll be having dinner dates with dd too when she's old enough. Date is merely a marker in the diary for me"

It shouldn't be just about girls and their dads and boys and their mums, that does sound kind of creepy. But any child and their parent, quality time, together. A great idea.

Like a play date. No one thinks the 7 year olds on a play date are actually 'dating'.

OrchidInTheSun · 02/05/2018 05:12

Except there aren't Daddy School n date nights. It's sexualising the relationship. It's grim

OrchidInTheSun · 02/05/2018 05:13

School? Son!

ToastyFingers · 02/05/2018 10:21

Ick. I hate the use of the word 'date' here.

DH takes our daughters out. We usually call it 'going to the park/beach/duck pond' or whatever.

I often spend 1-on-1 time with my dad. In fact, he's helping me run some errands tonight, and we'll probably get some food afterwards. It is not a date of any sort.

Laiste · 02/05/2018 11:09

Oh those photos! The droopy eyed dad's wearing suits and clutching their young daughters to them who are wearing ... well, wedding dresses basically.

The imagery is none too subtle.

YOU belong to ME.

bringincrazyback · 02/05/2018 11:17

Yuck.

SenecaFalls · 02/05/2018 12:07

the purity stuff referred to here is part of a tiny minority and highly regional to boot. Most americans wouldn't know what you were talking about

Exactly. I love in the South, a part of the country known as the Bible Belt, and even here this purity stuff, for those who have even heard of it, is considered creepy and very much outside the mainstream. It belongs to a tiny minority of fundamentalist Christians.

AngelsSins · 02/05/2018 12:19

If it's all so innocent and normal, why don't we hear about father and son dates?

Men trying to police their daughters sexuality really turns my stomach, even the small comments like "she can't date until she's 30" - they'd never say that about their sons.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 02/05/2018 13:22

Men trying to police their daughters sexuality really turns my stomach

Yep. My best friend had a baby daughter two years ago, and her partner made plenty of comments about 'she's not dating until she's thirty' and 'any future boys will have me to answer to' etc. I'm not sure if he genuinely does mean this deep down, or whether he's just parroting stuff he's heard other dads say about their little girls, but it is sickening.