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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby been away done something he said he wouldn't , Aibu

244 replies

Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 20:20

So my husband is an actor (small non paid films, nothing too big usually between 10 mins and half hour) and he already extended his stay twice. I'm chronically I'll, and at home with the 4 boys up north and he's in London. That's not so much the issue.

My issue is, he always said. ”No matter what he won't do sex scenes, I'm not up for that.” we have had this discussion so many times and always came down to the same conclusion. Any way we haven't had much communication at all, think I've spoken to him properly twice in 10 days and he rings me today, and tells me he did a sex scene. I blew up because instead of ringing me and discussing it quickly he just did it. I would have been fine if he had said....look love, this requires a sex scene, we aren't fully naked, but it will look that way. Is that OK?,...... But he didn't even bother to think of me and got annoyed when I got upset. It was the fact I was an after thought. This was 2 days ago he did this, and it took him til today to tell me....Aibu for being pissed off?

OP posts:
MrsDylanBlue · 30/04/2018 23:35

YABU to call him hubby.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 30/04/2018 23:35

YANBU. Acting?
I would be very annoyed. You have set boundaries in place to protect your marriage.
It's ridiculous to say its just acting. This is how people end up doing things they ought not to. I guess he knows that he did something wrong. Just get him to promise not to do it again.

Original poster
Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 23:37

Made me smile there MrsDylanBlue I'm a Lancashire lass. Bit I get times I can go to see family on my own for a couple of days, or go to the theatre with a friend or something.

OP posts:
BlueTrousers · 30/04/2018 23:38

So you’re still ok with him knobbing off for days at a time for no reason leaving you, a disabled woman, home alone with 4 children including 2 with additional needs
Really?!
I just want to shake you 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 23:42

No I'm not OK with it. I'm OK with a couple of days, bit this is him taking the complete piss. I have told him I need to be clear about when he is going, way in advance so I can arrange support if I need it. He usually isn't gone for more than one overnight, but one was far away and was a bit longer. I knew about it in advance and we got it set so ds4 was in nursery for most of the days and Nana had him on that week. As I said, the older boys are being stars, I can't fault them this time.

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 30/04/2018 23:42

So he's a Carer who skips careing to go and play at his hobby. Ideal man, said nobody everHmm

rainbowstardrops · 30/04/2018 23:45

So he's buggered off and left you and gone against something you'd both previously agreed he wouldn't do and it isn't even a proper job that he gets paid for??????

Tell him to wake up and support his bloody family properly!
He sounds about 15 years old ffs

HotSauceCommittee · 30/04/2018 23:55

But will he ever play The Dane?

Original poster
Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 23:56

He doesn't do the acting every week or anything like that, this is the first time he's been away so long as I keep saying bit it got ridiculous, and then the sex scene. No communication til after the fact. There will be words tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 23:57

Haha hotsauce 😂😂😂 probably not. He a part time unpaid short film actor.

OP posts:
Petitepamplemousse · 30/04/2018 23:58

I think YABU and controlling.

Petitepamplemousse · 30/04/2018 23:59

Oh gosh sorry missed the update. He is unreasonable to leave you. But not U to do sex scenesz. You’re getting annoyed about the wrong thing.

Original poster
Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 23:59

Anyway thank you ladies for verifying that I'm nbu I'm off to bed as got to take ds4 nurser and make sure the rest get off to school. I really appreciate all your comments, even those who disagreed.

OP posts:
youngscrappyandhungry · 01/05/2018 00:01

I’m sorry but he’s told you he needed to be away for close to 10 days to shoot a 45 minute PSA on drug awareness.... that somehow inexplicably required a last minute sex scene and him nude in bed with a woman... and you BELIEVE him? Oh, and he’s so busy acting in this completely unpaid job that he could only manage to call you twice in 10 days. I had to piece together the drip feed but that whole story of his is utter bullshit. I wouldn’t believe a word of it.

HotSauceCommittee · 01/05/2018 00:07

JaneTizzy30 Grin

viques · 01/05/2018 00:11

How can someone with four children be so self obsessed that they pretend to themselves that they are an actor, when all they are doing is indulging themself in what is essentially a hobby instead of getting a proper job and supporting their family ? There is cocklodging, and then there is taking cocklodging to a whole new level.

AltheaorDonna · 01/05/2018 00:13

Bloody hell. My jaw is hanging open that anyone would put up with any of this! The sex scene is the very least of it, the buggering off while you're ill and the having no bloody job at all would be enough to bin him off in my opinion. Let alone the 'I'm an actor who doesn't get paid' nonsense. Really, you think this is good enough? I am genuinely gobsmacked, I really am.

Willow2017 · 01/05/2018 00:13

Anyone can make a you tube video!

He doesnt need to go to London to do that!

He's 29, been trying for years on and off.
Maybe its time he accepted that you tube videos are his limit and its never going to happen. To keep going and sodding off from his family for years and years with sfa to show for it is beyone selfish and beyond arrogant.

He needs to realise he is responsible for his family and is your partner, not part time lodger. Tell him to get over himself and get a proper job and provide for his family like any other decent partner/father. He is a joke.
Why should everyone else run around helping you out when the very person who should be doing it is swanning off playing at acting with 'actor friends' (who no doubt have never made it 'big' either)?

Wildlingofthewest · 01/05/2018 00:16

Why is he “acting” in “non paid” films?! What’s the point?
And more so, he’s away in London for 10 days... not getting paid.... leaving his sick wife and 4 kids at home

He sounds like a douche

I’d be more concerned with this rather than some sex scene

viques · 01/05/2018 00:18

Ps we used to have a family friend who was an "actor" , based on the fact that he had the odd walk on part in The Bill ,Minder etc. Usually in the background in a pub, or sometimes saying a single line "The cars here Guv" . On this basis he refused to get a real job,saying he had to be available for possible calls fromHollywood or the National. His lovely wife worked two jobs and put herself through college to become a teacher to support the family. all sounds a bit similar. She binned him in the end .

MapMyMum · 01/05/2018 00:37

My 13 year old makes 45 minute youtube videos in his bedroom and it definitely doesnt take him 10 days, even with delays such as his Mum calling him for dinner mid-scene

InsomniacAnonymous · 01/05/2018 01:45

He's 29, it's time he got a job.

koyaanisqatsi · 01/05/2018 02:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 01/05/2018 02:45

Is this post another "script" he's been working on. If so I'd tell him to market it as "SCI-FI/FANTASY" rather than "Real Life Drama".

AfterSchoolWorry · 01/05/2018 04:11

YouTube!!! 😂 is this 'film' being shot on a smartphone?

OP, you have to be joking!