AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

Has it got one of those big fluffy fur hoods? They always go a bit weird after a wash and tumble dry.

And be careful not to wash it with a stray red sock. She'll never speak to you again.

Situation one: she was what I categorise as a proper friend, and I would have made a joke about the coat ages ago, or just Said something in normal conversation. If the coat was dirty and pissing me off, I would text: that filthy coat is going in the wash now! She can then tell me to fuck off no? Why is this such an issue? Maybe because it the below:

Situation two: i haven't been comfortable even mentioning for so long, which means the other mother is still at acquaintance stage, not a proper friend yet, therefore I would be interfering, and I would just Leave it alone.

If in was the the other mother, I would be a big deal to begin with in situation one, but I would be pissed in situation two if you washed it

Ohhhh I’m so sorry. The dog grabbed the coat and took it outside. I’m mortified that it got mud on it.
Just shoved it in the machine with my whites, I’m so sorry.

Wash it. Say you were scared it would smell of dog/chips/bolognese and just wash it

Anything that stays still long enough in this house ends up in the washing machine. I'd wash it !

Disturbingly I had that problem with the padding shifting when I washed my son's Spiderman costume.
All the padded muscles on the arms migrated to the chest area.

over the years my wife has washed a whole of host of clothes belong to the friends, girlfriends and boyfriends of our kids. She doesn't even think twice about. She normally irons them too!

I am convinced that Candyfloss is the mother!

hey, if your kids coat is so dirty that you'd notice if someone washed it, YOU should have washed it. End of.

Wash it, don’t mention and if asked, just say it got knocked off the bannister & dog walked on it.
However be careful with what washing liquid you use, you don’t want child being allergic to bio liquid etc. Probably unlikely as she’s not allergic to dirt

so what did you do ?

Why on EARTH would so many of you be offended if someone washed your kids coat? Unless they handed it back with a superior look on their face and commented on how filthy it was I wouldn’t bat an eyelid, especially if they did as the OP intends to do and said they had spilt something on it.
If I was so slovenly as to not realise the coat was that minging in the first place I doubt it would even cross my mind that it was some kind of judgement on my laundry abilities.

Wash it and pass back without comment. If she mentions it just say “oh yes. The dog got mud on it so I have it a quick wash”. No fuss. No waffle. Don’t apologise.

I don't think any of my friends would be bothered if we washed eachothers' items, unless it was unlikely to wash well (but then I wouldn't buy my DCs something that wasn't designed to wash well!)

DS2's coat has honestly been washed umpteen times this winter but has reached the stage of perpetual grubbiness (although still looks better for a wash). Without fail, within 48 hours of washing it, he's done a full forearms and belly fall into mud and mucked it up again . It's not been an easy winter for washing it as there's been no milder interludes where I could send him to school in his jumper and a lighter jacket, so it's had to be when we've had a quiet enough weekend to get it washed and dried.

Definitely wash it if its washable.

If I was so slovenly as to not realise the coat was that minging in the first place I doubt it would even cross my mind that it was some kind of judgement on my laundry abilities.

Obviously, most of the people who say they would feel offended don't want their friends passing judgement on their apparently 'slovenly' habits. It's not normal to go round washing other people's things because you believe they're in need of it. It crosses a personal line for me.

If I was so slovenly as to not realise the coat was that minging in the first place I doubt it would even cross my mind that it was some kind of judgement on my laundry abilities.

This ^^

If DCs' friends' stuff gets left here after a play date or sleep-over, it gets washed and returned.

The friend may be offended because it's rude, it's basically saying You should have washed this. We don't even know if it's actually dirty or just Mumsnet dirty, if you don't do a daily zoflora enema and change your sheets every time you roll over you're basically a hobo.

Yes wash it.
I can't understand why anyone would buy a coat for a child that can't go in the wash

Saying that though ds1 is STILL a nightmare at 14 and has to have his school trousers washed more than once a week. I remember once years ago he used his coat as goal posts. Sadly he didn't look where he was placing his coat and it came back covered in dog shit

Why would anyone buy their DC a white coat?!

Yes wash it

Washing a jumper is helpful and pretty standard.

Washing a coat is a flat out criticism.

You might have got away with the lie if you hadn’t spread it all over MN.

Well I've decided not to wash it tonight. When I texted her she said don't worry she's got another one, I'll pick it up when next passing.

She sometimes in these circumstances pops in at about 9pm so I thought I'd better not do it tonight because imagine how embarrassing it'd be if she popped round and it was in my machine!

She's at work tomorrow so unlikely to come round so I'll do it tomorrow.

You might have got away with the lie if you hadn’t spread it all over MN.

She's not on MN. I wouldn't have posted if I thought she would see it. We're good friends. I would hate to hurt her feelings.

I would not be happy if anyone washed my DD's coat!

Yes wash it! I wash the class bear every time we have it and we have a friend who stays semi regularly and their clothing smells awful so I always scoop them up with other bits from around our house and stick them in the washing machine.