AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

It's strange how this seems to be the case with lots of parents not bothering to wash coats, I have seen it with several of my DC's friends. Dirty tidemarks on collars and general overall grubby!

Honestly, Ds borrowed a hoodie of his friend the other day, only for half an hour or so. i just automatically washed it, it just seems polite somehow, so I reckon you don't even need to make up an excuse.

@Candyflosss is it you?

How quickly can you dry it? And when might she pick it up? Last winter DD had one warm coat. It took 2 days to dry. She sometimes wore it when it was dirty, but if the weather was cold, I couldn't wash it, she'd have had nothing to wear. It wasn't cream, but you could see the mud....

Wash it, for the love of God was it.

I’d wash it and tbh I wouldn’t make up an excuse to do so. I wouldn’t say this in as many words (hopefully I wouldn’t need to), but I was brought up with that if something is dirty you clean it.

I’d be all easy breezy and make out I was lightening her load, the only lie I’d tell is that I’d never really noticed that it was constantly dirty and just though that her DD was an exceptionally active kid whose coat got dirty weekly, I don’t know if this would wash (hehe 2 puns in one sentence), but meh.

It NEEDS washing, the poor kid :( she is possibly facing bullying for something she has no control over, she may be really grateful (she may not).

Do it!

Please wash it for her and make up an excuse(say it had got marked somehow at your home)I had 2 friends that walked around with dirty clothes,one was the same age as me and one was 2 years older and I used to clean they're stuff up for them at my house(even though I was only tiny myself)and you know what I'm still friends with them now over 30 years later and they're parents never said anything and I've stayed good friends with they're parents as well.

My friends bought it up a few years ago and they told me that was one of the reasons they loved me so much(they made me cry)they were never offended or upset with me,they just took it as me doing it for them because I loved them and that was the exact reason I did it.

I'd wash it too.
And yes candyfloss are you the coat girls mum?!
If so, wash the coat if op doesn't .

Just wash it and dont even mention it.

But just to put another pov out there, my daughter’s winter coat is washed every three weeks. I think she must roll around in dirt at school. I dont know how it gets so filthy but i imagine parents shononly see her infrequently would think i dont bother what she walks around like.

My son has a coat with paint stains on it, I have washed it but can't get them out - however I am not buying a new coat to send to preschool to immediately get more paint stains on (why can't they wear aprons or something in the mud kitchen/painting??? Anyone know??) so he will just have to keep wearing it for the rest of the cold weather.

However it sounds like the child in your scenario is older so maybe they generally manage to stay a bit cleaner by then.

I’d rather you asked! My DD reacts to a lot of washing detergent and it would be tiresome to end up having to wash it again!

I agree with another poster who suggested just texting saying something fell on it and you thought you'd pop it in the wash - as you hope that's okay, you washed it according to the label etc

I'd wash, say nowt.

If it's mentioned I'd be vague - 'oh I might have done! Think it might have got scooped up with dc PE kit, they dumped it at bottom of stairs for washing so maybe your dd's coat got muddled in? Honestly I never keep track of my dc's stuff so wouldn't even have noticed it wasn't theirs - it's this one, right?'

Only caveat would be: is it expensive to replace? Just in case the filling or finish went funny & aggrieved mum demanded a replacement because you'd ruined it...?

Holidays - you are one of life's proper little sweethearts. Your friends are lucky to have you.

God, I would wash it in a flash.

When mine were younger I had very little money and no tumble dryer and one coat each for the dc. It was a nightmare to wash their thick winter coats and get them dry to wear the next morning.
... Especially when they turned the lovely pre school garden into a mud kitchen..arrgh.

This mum might not be able to wash the coat often because it takes so long to dry. Let's not judge too harshly.

Of course wash it, she's a child, and don't mention it if you don't have to. It will sound defensive and false.

Blimey. My DDs coat regularly has mud up the back of it. It is washed but not as often as it gets dirty from playing outside in wet, walking dogs in muddy fields etc. There are probably several friends’ parents thinking the same as you.....ll

Will you get it washed and dry before she has to go home?

Not sure I see the problem in not washing an everyday coat for a child that's likely to get grubby as soon as they put it on again.

How old is the child? I would wash it if they are aged over about 6

I'd wash it. My kids friends often leave muddy playing out clothes at my house and I'd feel terrible handing them back in that state.

Aww Stormwhale Thankyou,that's a lovely thing to say

It's dirty, not infested with bubonic plague. I can't believe how many people here would take this upon themselves. I'd be so offended if a friend thought this was appropriate.

A waterproof coat?

I'd wash normal clothes, but outer wear - well, I've had people ruin too many of my kids things for that - 1 winter coat washed too hot, delaminated a couple of years ago, baby sitter washed their padded jackets a couple of months ago (for no reason, they were clean!), and some the padding shifted so there were thin spots, so I asked her not to do that again. She did it again 2 weeks ago, and now there's no padding in the back of DS1's at all - so they're basically useless. Found her washing their winter waterproof trousers too - so now they need re-water proofing, and lets not forget the trainers that she put through (again, despite me asking not to), and neither pair is as it should be since.

Are you sure you won't ruin it if you wash it?

Suddenly had a thought about my own jacket ..... (ahem) it's in the wash !