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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

444 replies

anniemagoo · 30/04/2018 19:23

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 30/04/2018 21:15

Well she may not be on MN (though not everyone tells the truth about that) but at least a few of the other Mums at the school gate will be looking out for clean white coats tomorrow... Wink

mathanxiety · 30/04/2018 21:15

JammieBammie, you need to use a dryer to dry filled coats, and pop three tennis balls on with them. Best to take a great filled items at a time to a laundrette where they have large dryers but a domestic dryer will do.

You can't dry them on the line.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 30/04/2018 21:17

I'd wash it without second thought but hate seeing dirty clothes.

If she notices then she should have washed it herself in the first place.

causeimunderyourspell · 30/04/2018 21:21

I'd say my dh just scooped it up to fill a half empty wash, not realising it wasn't one of your DCs Grin

WinnieThePooh6 · 30/04/2018 21:22

Wash it. Just say it fell on the floor and got a bit dirty.

kristophersmum2008 · 30/04/2018 21:22

careful if u wash it (it wont smell like her and she might not wear it )

RainbowGlitterFairy · 30/04/2018 21:24

Wash it. DD had a white coat a few years ago (thanks MIL) and I didn't have a tumble drier, it was her favourite and the tantrums I used to get when she had to wear a different one while it dried were horrendous!

Lovemusic33 · 30/04/2018 21:28

I would wash it. My daughters coat is often dirty but I don’t get a chance to wash it if the weather has been particularly crap because she hasn’t got a spare. Wash it and say you spilt something on it.

SamarahNcer · 30/04/2018 21:29

wash it.

I don't understand the possible offense by washing it either.
I bought dc2 a white coat for preschool no less (I still to this day do not know what the fuck I was thinking), it obviously didn't stay white very long and although I'd wash it sometimes daily when dc got mud all up the back, the paint and goodness knows what else just wouldn't come out (I don't know why but preschool had coat pegs literally 2 feet from the painting stations). I gave up trying to get the paint off and just washed it when it got muddy etc but would put the replacement on them to travel to preschool, take it home with me, then rock up with it at home time. Anyway, I used to leave the white 1 at the setting and 1 Monday, this other mum (who i didnt know enough to say any more than hi to) pulls me to 1 side with the coat, hands it to me and says "I hope u don't mind, but I saw that xxx only wears it here so I thought I'd see if I could get the stains out for u so u dont need to lug the other 1 about", she also let me know that the 'posh bosh crew' had been passing comments behind my back like, "why doesnt she just throw the thing away, its not a peice of art," in front of the staff who agreed it was way past due for the dustbin.

I did not mind at all, it was a relief and if I'm honest I had seen the other mums looking at dcs coat as they went past and was really embarrassed and paranoid about it.

We are great friends now and she always takes the mick out of dc and how much grief 'coat-gate' used to cause me lol. Her dc comes to mine after school and gets changed as soon as we walk through the door, I always put both kids uniforms in the machine together and hand them back on school run next morning as she does when my dc goes to her house.
x

WingsOnMyBoots · 30/04/2018 21:31

Wash it.

paxillin · 30/04/2018 21:31

I can't believe so many people would actually wash it. If it's so innocent, why not text her "I'm putting on a white wash, shall I pop it in?"

You'd rather chew your texting thumb off, wouldn't you? Because it is judgemental and overstepping.

gamerchick · 30/04/2018 21:36

I would. But I’m known for washing anything not nailed down. Clothes, a temporarily abandoned tea spoon in the middle of making a cuppa.... all game.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2018 21:39

Wash it!

GettingBackToMe · 30/04/2018 21:48

Do you know for certain that she doesn't have any allergies? Only asking because people accidentally washing school uniform that the kids have got mixed up is such a pain to deal with for me. Once I rewashed some trousers three times, hung them outside for a week in between washes, and they still reeked of the overpowering washing powder they'd used.

Regardless of allergies though, it is a really odd thing to do and actually very insulting to the mother.

Just leave it alone for her to pick up, and concentrate on your own laundry!

GabsAlot · 30/04/2018 21:55

im with getting-just leave it you dont know if shes allergic to certain soaps/powders or you could ruin it

Frequency · 30/04/2018 21:59

But I’m known for washing anything not nailed down. Clothes, a temporarily abandoned tea spoon in the middle of making a cuppa.... all game.

Are you me?

I've sent a few kids who aren't my own sans jumper because it's in the washer or sporting a freshly washed pair of socks. If it gets dumped, it gets scooped up and washed. I don't examine what I am washing, I just throw it all in on a mix fabric cycle on 30 degrees.

My mother visited recent, wearing layers, a coat and a scarf. For reasons known only to herself she removed all of these items and left them on dining table. I spotted a heap of black fabrics on the table, muttered something about DD and shoved them all in the machine. I had to lend her a hoodie to walk home in.

WinnieThePooh6 · 30/04/2018 22:01

Wash it. Just say it fell on the floor and got a bit dirty.

Ki0612 · 30/04/2018 22:05

Wash it
It fell on the floor and the dog stood on it.

Deerdear · 30/04/2018 22:05

Why not text her to say that the dog slobbered on the coat and whether she wants you to wash it?

That way she gets to decide.

JacquesHammer · 30/04/2018 22:07

Why on EARTH would so many of you be offended if someone washed your kids coat?

Because chances are unless the OP used the exact brand of washing detergent that I do, which after many years is the only one that doesn’t exacerbate DD’s eczema then DD wouldn’t be able to wear it until washed again.

SoftSheen · 30/04/2018 22:11

Check it isn't dry clean only. I made the mistake of getting DD a (otherwise lovely) pale-coloured duffle coat that can only be dry-cleaned. Since the dry cleaning costs £9, I usually wait until it is pretty filthy!

Avasarala · 30/04/2018 22:28

I think my friends and I must all be very odd. We have no qualms saying to each other “well that needs washed” and no one gets pissed off. It’s usuallt followed by an offer to help out, especially if it’s a floor needing hoovered or something. We are all busy, working mums and often a wee hand is needed but we just say “that needs doing, I will get it while you make the tea” or whatever.

It just works, things are cleaned, we have a nice day. Have all known each other 20 years and are all still friends cause we work well and know each other enough to poke fun and to also know when they need some extra help.

Why can’t you just say that she needs to wash the coat. I really don’t understand pussyfooting around your friends.

steppemum · 30/04/2018 22:32

I am actually amazed at all these people wahsing other kids clothes.

If my kid comes round to play, please don't wash their clothes.

  1. I use specific washing powder as we all have sensitive skin
  2. I do not tumble dry stuff as it shrinks, and if you shrink my kids clothes I will be pissed off. Particularly applies to school sweatshirts, as dc have one, and I don't want to replace.

I think in this case I would wash it and make an excuse, but do not be surprised if she is embarrassed and not happy. I would only be happy if you did this if I was struggling to wash stuff due to having to use a laundrette.

But if a child comes roudn for a playdate, why on earth would you think you needed to wash their clothes Confused

Wateroffaduck · 30/04/2018 22:38

Dd has a white coat, I wash it weekly, it gets minging after 5 days at school. Mud, pen, dirt, etc.

As to “who would buy a white coat “ ? - my mother.

Frequency · 30/04/2018 22:39

I don't deliberately wash other kids clothes. I wander around the house and collect things that will fit in the machine and don't require oxygen to survive. When I've washed other kids clothes it's been because they were dumped on the floor and not hung up and I've gathered them on one of my laundry hunts.

We don't have a laundry basket because the kids never used it anyway so it just took up precious floor space. If it's on a floor/table/somewhere it should not be, I assume it a) belongs to one of my children and b) is dirty hence why it's not hung up or in a drawer.

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