To ask you if you think I'm a shit mum

[shitmother123]

Name changed as don't want anyone in rl reading my threads and putting together that I'm a shit mum

So first off, I should say I KNOW I shouldn't compare my baby to others but it's so goddamn hard not to. Yes this is my first born so I don't know what I'm doing. She is 11 months now.

She cannot yet crawl. Or put her feet down to try and stand. All other babies in my regular group are charging around like mad things and mine is not interested. All she wants to do is put things in her mouth.

Went to a new music baby group today to try it out and it made me realise how shit of a Mum I am. I knew about 2 of the 10 nursery rhymes (and even then only the well known verses). So I'm sat there like a buffoon trying to copy everyone's words and actions, all the babies are either watching or trying to join in with their mums and mine is just desperately trying to put any bit of dirt or fluff in her mouth. Not only that but they got my dd name wrong when singing a song, and I'm sat there singing along about a girl called Jane thinking nothing of it because I was trying to not let dd eat my shoe. So then they get to the next activity and my turn is first. "Ohhhh what would Jane like to play with today?" I corrected her and said oh sorry it's Margaret (names changed obviously!), and then felt like an extra special wally when I realised that we had been singing about our children and it was like I didn't even know my child's name.

Aibu to ask you if you saw me at a baby group would you think of Christ what a crappy mother?

Oh and aibu to ask you for some nursery rhyme help! Please!

I think you're being very harsh on yourself!?

As for the most crawling/walking yet, don't worry. I sat on my fat little bottom and refused to move a muscle until I was 18 months old. She's got plenty of time.

Google nursery rhymes and you can dazzle them all next time!

I went to baby massage and felt like this everybody was singing along and I knew absolutely none of the songs and felt stupid trying to sing along! I certainly wouldn't think you are a bad Mum.

I never walked until I was 15 months old. I know it's hard not to compare. My DD is my first and 8 months old and I know I will be the same but try not to compare!

I wouldn't think you were a crap mum at all. I'd never even heard of wind the bobbin up until I went to a baby group let alone know the words to it

2 of my DC walked at 9 months. The other 2 DC didn’t walk till 16 and 20 months. Wildly varying ages at walking. It has nothing to do with your parenting.

And despite having 4DC, the youngest of which is 2, I don’t think I know more than 3 Nursery Rhymes.

Chill

What on earth does her walking or crawling have to do with your parenting ability? Neither of those are something you teach them!

Not at all- it just sounds like you were stressed. Your priority in that situation was stopping 'Margaret' from eating something that might harm her! You could have corrected them, sung the song with 'real baby's name' in it and let your baby eat floor stuff and that would have been so much worse!

It's also not your fault that your DD isn't crawling yet! If you're worried ask the GP for advice and make sure that she has loads of tummy time.

Hell, no! I'd probably be too busy trying to stop my child crawling away/screaming/trying to steal the next childs toy/ pulling at my jumper/trying to undress themselves (or numerous other things) to notice what you and your baby were doing!

It is tough being a parent at times and you do worry about them. Maybe speak to your health visitor or GP if you're worried about their development.

But no, you don't t sound like shit mum at all.

I wouldn't have noticed you at the baby group as I would be too busy trying to remember my own name as well as trying to stop ds eating everything he can lay his hands on. You are not a crap mum

My daughter never crawled at all. Seemed offended by the idea. If we put her on the carpet she just lay there looking at us. At 18 months we hid the baby walker as thought it was making her lazy.

A week later she was walking. 🤣

You're a fab mum! My daughter never crawled and didn't walk until 18 months. Some of them don't care about being mobile! And don't worry about the nursery rhymes. My childless boyfriend beat me on a Pointless question about them. They're so dull! In my experience if you have to ask if you're a shit mum you definitely aren't. The shit mums think they're awesome!

Ah OP there really is nothing at all that screams "shit mum" to me. You are just a mum doing her best like the rest of us! Not all babies do crawl either some will go straight to walking so she may well surprise you very soon!!

'When do you think the problems started for you?'
'Well Piers, my mum only knew the first verse of Old MacDonald's Farm, and obviously I never learned to walk'

You're doing fine, the other people have probably been to other similar groups and know all the songs. My mum coooonstantly called me by my sibling's name (opposite gender!) and I'm a law abiding citizen

I think you sound bloody great, actually, and far more interesting than the others.

My son crawled at 11 months, didn't walk until 16 months. I wouldn't worry, it means nothing.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance!
Fenella I realise that they have to teach themselves really but wasn't sure if there's some magic mum trick or if I'm supposed to be trying to get her to stick her feet down more often (even though she bloody refuses to do it)

Yes I am googling and YouTubing songs now so I at least have a vague recollection of them

Of course you’re not a shit mum. I have an 11 month old too and if I saw you at a baby group I’d never in a million years think any of these things make you a shit mum.

My 11 month old just started crawling but there’s nothing I’ve done to encourage this or enable it to happen. A lot of babies skip crawling, it’s nothing you have control over. As for putting things in her mouth, that’s all my little one does all day!

You were at a new group. How were you supposed to know what all the songs are or how they all go. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Do you keep your dd locked in a cage? Is she weak from hunger most of the time? No? Then how is her not walking/crawling your fault?

Do you judge other mums as harshly as you judge yourself? Bet you don't.

Singing groups are an unnatural environment btw and are designed to make you and your offspring feel inadequate. Other mumscalways sing better and wear bigger smiles and their children sing along whilst yours cry/snatch all the shakers/ try and escape through the window.

YouTube has a great range of nursery rhymes. My ds and i listen to them often. Eventually you find yourself doing the washing singing them word for word with no child in sight😂😂
Please don't be so hard on yourself.
First babies are so hard everything in new to you as well as baby.
Keep going to the classes. It will get easier in time.

You are far from a shit mum, give yourself a break.

Babies will crawl/walk/whatever when they are ready. You've got a year before you need to worry.

Little baby bum on YouTube is a good annoying source of nursery rhymes.

I must admit to having a fondness for obscure old English ones though. They tend to not sing them at groups. Too violent.

My DS didn’t walk until he was 13 moths, the last one in his baby group and I agonised over it. Now he’s 6 and we run 5k races together

11 months is a difficult age if your baby isn’t walking yet (as many aren’t at that age). They’re getting harder to entertain and there are so many big milestones coming up, it can be hard not to get stressed about it all. Relax! I’m sure you’re doing a great job. It all comes out in the wash eventually.

Apples I just laughed so much I think a little wee escaped

Ah lost a sentance. It said something along the lines of walking being typical anywhere bw 10 and 18 months and crawling 5mo to never.

How many nursery rhymes you know isn't what decides what sort of parent you are, nor is it a race!

Op, you are doing a grand job. I couldn’t even stomach the baby and toddler groups.
My three dc didn’t walk until they were 17- 20 months. I didn’t know the nursery rhymes.

I know your post was meant seriously but it made me smile a bit because I feel the same way about not knowing any nursery rhymes! When my DS was born (he is 9 weeks) I could remember one. My mum has taught me a couple more! However I’m so sleep deprived I mainly just mumble the words when in a group.

And no, not knowing nursery rhymes definitely does NOT make you a shit mum! But there are tons of YouTube videos to learn them if you really want to... I sing any random songs I know to my DS, any kind of thing is good for language development...