To ask you if you think I'm a shit mum

[shitmother123]

Name changed as don't want anyone in rl reading my threads and putting together that I'm a shit mum

So first off, I should say I KNOW I shouldn't compare my baby to others but it's so goddamn hard not to. Yes this is my first born so I don't know what I'm doing. She is 11 months now.

She cannot yet crawl. Or put her feet down to try and stand. All other babies in my regular group are charging around like mad things and mine is not interested. All she wants to do is put things in her mouth.

Went to a new music baby group today to try it out and it made me realise how shit of a Mum I am. I knew about 2 of the 10 nursery rhymes (and even then only the well known verses). So I'm sat there like a buffoon trying to copy everyone's words and actions, all the babies are either watching or trying to join in with their mums and mine is just desperately trying to put any bit of dirt or fluff in her mouth. Not only that but they got my dd name wrong when singing a song, and I'm sat there singing along about a girl called Jane thinking nothing of it because I was trying to not let dd eat my shoe. So then they get to the next activity and my turn is first. "Ohhhh what would Jane like to play with today?" I corrected her and said oh sorry it's Margaret (names changed obviously!), and then felt like an extra special wally when I realised that we had been singing about our children and it was like I didn't even know my child's name.

Aibu to ask you if you saw me at a baby group would you think of Christ what a crappy mother?

Count yourself bloody lucky to have swerving winding the sodding bobbin up until now...

Those sort of group activities sound like HELL to me!

Haha, I would not even go. All that twee nursery rhyme chanting and over excited mummies with babies who could not care less!

Why does this even exist?!

Never ever ever. And that does not make me a shit mum. And neither are you. but would you not rather do something a bit more...ehm...fun? It is all so forced and fake IMO

Not a crap mother at all. I hated baby groups and singing wind the bobbin up . My dd1 was a late walker, she didn’t sit up until ten months and didn’t walk until 18 months, she hated baby groups, we went a couple times and then gave up.

Just have a silent inward smile to yourself that those mums earnestly singing nursery rhymes with all the actions are almost certainly signing "Twinkle, Twinkle, little vagina".

Fuck. I forgot about wind the bastard bobbin up.

And the stupid shagging little bunnies.

do you really think if anyone thought you were a shit mum they would actually say so on here

This is AIBU. If people thought she was a shit mum they'd be falling over themselves to say so

shitmother123 you’re definitley not a shit mum! My ds is 1 next week and still hasn’t crawled and doesn’t seem to want to stand either. He also sticks every single thing in his mouth. I know how easy it is to compare (my niece is 3 weeks older than my ds and has been crawling for months and just started taking her first steps), but I keep telling myself when he’s older no one will care whether he walked at 10 months, 12 months, 18 months. Don’t worry, you’re doing great.

Do you batter your child?
Do you starve them, leave them sat in soiled nappies for hours on end?
Do you refuse to hug and cuddle them?

Those are the type of things that make a shit mum.

The first time I went to a musical themed playgroup with DD, she tried to walk out of the room, took a toy off another child and then tried to mess with the CD player (probably to put the radio on). She was 2. And to look at her now its a different child.

Chill out and don't be so hard on yourself.

Her rate of development have nothing to do with your parenting. They crawl and walk when they are ready and putting things in their mouths is a normal behaviour for an 11 month old baby.
I didn't know half the nursery rhymes when I started a baby group with DD - I soon picked it up.
Blaming yourself for ordinary things that you can't change isn't healthy.

Please stop being so hard on yourself OP! Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

My DD didn’t weigh bear for AGES. She was a bum shuffler and never crawled. She finally started walking at 22 months. It never bothered me as I’d known that I didn’t walk til I was two either. I spoke to a paediatrician once who told me that the ‘normal’ age range for walking is anything between 12 - 24months.

You sound lovely and you are doing great. Just enjoy her!

Most of us don't remember nursery rhymes from when we were little, we learn them along with the children. So you have plenty of time if she's still only 11 months old! Why not download some nursery rhymes so you can learn them both together at home? And babies vary so much - mine only started to crawl about that age. They change so quickly - in a couple of months time you'll probably be missing the days she was not on the move!

I hate baby groups. I don't see why I should have anything in common with "other mums" just because we happened to get knocked up around the same time? And I don't know any nursery rhymes either. I sing pop songs to my DS and read him articles out of magazines. So by your standards I'm a shit mum as well... although I don't think I am, I'm just not typically "mumsy". He doesn't seem bothered by it.

I'm a childminder and a mum, my child is a teen now and I've worked in early years in nurseries and as a childminder even longer and I STILL come across songs at toddler groups that I've never heard before, so please don't worry about that!

Also even very little babies and toddlers quickly learn the routine of a baby group and what you all do there, give it a term and your DD will know the routine too.

They say don't worry about your child walking until they're two, which seems crazy old to start to worry but is reassuring none the less.

You're not a bad mum so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I think you sound great and refreshingly down to earth. If it’s any consolation I am also a bit of a buffoon and these baby groups. They’re not really my thing and trying to blend into them always leaves me standing out like a sore thumb. Keep doing what you are doing, you’re fine.

And even the bum shuffling didn’t start until she was about 13months. She just wasn’t that physically active. She’s 4 now and no different to her peers.

Honestly, if I saw you st a baby group not that I would be there as DD is 10! But I would think I found my "people" kids have a way of making us feel like failures when everything is perfectly fine, which it is for you. You're doing fine!

Ps these have been a useful refresher. DS is 3 years old by the way so I’m definitely late to the nursery rhyme party (still don’t know the words to ’wind the bobbing up’ mind you....)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Og9qWGMXTS4

You sound like a lovely mum. Those nursery rhyme experts had probably been going for weeks and weeks. You can get CDs of nursery rhymes if you want but I feel guilty even saying that because you really won't want when it's the only thing you've been allowed ot listen to for two years.

DS2 never crawled at all. And he didn't walk until he was 17-18 months. He's still not sporty but he's an amazing guitarist and gives the best cuddles.

Let her be who she is.

You do not sound like a shit mum! Stop being so hard on yourself.

You are taking your DD to these groups and are clearly trying to help her develop with her crawling. As long as your DD is fed, loved and cared for, there seems nothing wrong with what you're doing.

Babies like to do different things and develop at different rates. Your DD wanting to put things in her mouth is completely normal. And as for knowing nursery rhymes, buy a book of them if you want. But do not stress yourself out over nursery rhymes!

It's so easy to feel this way, but I promise her crawling/walking has nothing to do with your parenting. You're doing a great job!

Just be grateful you didn't gontomour toddler group. There was an opera singer mum there who used to get a little carried away at some time .

I'm sure you're fine OP

The fact that you are concerned about whether you are a shit mim shows that you aren't. Shit mums don't care that they are shit

Talk to her as much as you can. Just describe what you are doing all the time, both with her and when you are doing housework etc. "look mummy is putting the washing in the washing machine" etc Count as you walk up the stairs. Engage with her but you don't have to be playing with her all the time.

As others have said the walking is individual, neither of mine ever crawled. They went straight to walking.

Baby groups are as much for keeping you sane and socialised, as much as for the babies benefit. Everyone feels like a shit parent from time to time. You don't have to be perfect- just good enough. I wish I'd realised that when mine were young, and relaxed more.

Another one saying you are absolutely not a shit mum!

Everyone has said everything for me, but nursery rhymes grew on me when I discovered this. There are others where that came from, but they are arguably too rude even for MN .

*go to our

*song time ffs