To ask you if you think I'm a shit mum

[shitmother123]

Name changed as don't want anyone in rl reading my threads and putting together that I'm a shit mum

So first off, I should say I KNOW I shouldn't compare my baby to others but it's so goddamn hard not to. Yes this is my first born so I don't know what I'm doing. She is 11 months now.

She cannot yet crawl. Or put her feet down to try and stand. All other babies in my regular group are charging around like mad things and mine is not interested. All she wants to do is put things in her mouth.

Went to a new music baby group today to try it out and it made me realise how shit of a Mum I am. I knew about 2 of the 10 nursery rhymes (and even then only the well known verses). So I'm sat there like a buffoon trying to copy everyone's words and actions, all the babies are either watching or trying to join in with their mums and mine is just desperately trying to put any bit of dirt or fluff in her mouth. Not only that but they got my dd name wrong when singing a song, and I'm sat there singing along about a girl called Jane thinking nothing of it because I was trying to not let dd eat my shoe. So then they get to the next activity and my turn is first. "Ohhhh what would Jane like to play with today?" I corrected her and said oh sorry it's Margaret (names changed obviously!), and then felt like an extra special wally when I realised that we had been singing about our children and it was like I didn't even know my child's name.

Aibu to ask you if you saw me at a baby group would you think of Christ what a crappy mother?

Oh and my bum shuffler didn't walk for AGESSSSSS

My theory was that the bum shuffler is already relatively upright so seeing things the same way as when they walk where as crawlers had to stop and look up

Or put her feet down to try and stand

If you hold her does she bear weight and stand up ? If yes then don't worry.. .if she cannot hokd hersrlf up then take to go or health visitor for referral to physio for assessment.

You can easily learn nursery rhymes and songs by going to the groups or go to library or cheap book shop where you will find loads of nursery rhyme books and watch YouTube.

Say to yourself. Right. I am going to learn these songs! Watch cbeebies with dd and watch YouTube nursery rhymes.

You’re already doing better than me by attending a group, I’ve managed to avoid them with both of mine! I couldn’t think of anything worse, and my DC would be the ones creating and not joining in with what they were supposed to be doing, instead getting up to mischief in a corner!

OP you're being very harsh on yourself! You don't sound like a crap mum at all, you sound like all of us with our first babies! Nursery rhymes are a mine field, I only know a couple and I'm not even sure I sing the right words!

I think it's just the curse of motherhood to have moment of doubt and think you're doing it all wrong.

Just to make you feel at ease, my baby didn't crawl until she was 12 months and has only recently started walking, enjoy the immobile times! I was eager for her to get on her feet and now I can't sit down for 5 mins!

Also, DD is 17 months (although I frequently forget how old she is and how old I am as a matter of fact) and only has a handful of words. I'm constantly been told by family and exdp that I don't talk to her enough or engage with her enough, even though I'm like a broken record rabbiting on to her all day. I've just come to the conclusion she's a lazy bum who would rather tell you what things she can say are and call all animals cats...

Seriously, we all think we're going wrong and 90% of us are doing a brill job. Go easier on yourself!

Ignore @imweirdandcool anyone who says "end of thread" is a confirmed bell end.

You don't teach them to crawl/walk, so I am not sure how you think that has to do anything at all with you as a mum?? Mine is 11 months old too and has just started crawling and trying to stand very recently.
I didn't know any nursery rhymes at all (I am not british), I learned them all watching Little Baby Bum with her (on Netflix)

You're a better mum than me, I don't bother going to groups because I'm lazy and hate small talk

My son didn't crawl till 13 months when my daughter was born, it's like he waited to test my patience, then didn't walk till 18 months.
As for nursery rhymes, they are a pain in the arse! They've changed so much from when I was younger and al new ones made when I went to those groups I didn't have a sodding clue!
I'd prefer to eat fluff and shoes too rather than baby groups. X

Baby groups are the biggest load of shite. I hated them. It's not compulsory, I felt much better after I ditched them and my daughter didn't seem to enjoy herself either (and now I know her personality I can tell she's not really one for organised fun!)

Oh and don't worry about the putting feet down thing - mine didn't do that til after one, and didn't walk til 18 months. She did however string full sentences together from very early on, I reckon they concentrate on one thing or the other.

I didn't know any nursery rhymes when my DD was younger. Then we made the mistake of introducing her to to pass the time on a long flight. Now we know all the nursery rhymes and sometimes find ourselves singing them even when DD is not around.

You’re doing fine OP. Songs - I was worried about this too, because I’m foreign and thought I’d be the only one not knowing the words. Actually, no one knows them, until two verses in when you magically know all the words to the rest of the song, and are then good for the next 5 years.

At DS1's 2 year health check he told the Health Visitor that his favourite food was wine

And may I recommend The Big Red Bus for maximum earworminess?

You’re being too hard on yourself. Babies all develop at their own pace, if you’re worried speak to your health visitor but it’s nothing to do with parenting. No one knows all the nursery rhymes unless it’s actually your full time job to run a baby group. The name mix up was no more than an innocent mistake by the group leader, again not a reflection on you. Find a different group if it’s not making you feel good though, singing nursery rhymes would be my personal idea of hell!!

At 11 months, I wouldn't see you in a baby group, because I'd have been working. And DS's dad wouldn't take him.
So, no, I wouldn't think you were a crappy mum.

DS started crawling about 2 weeks or so before he started walking. OK, he started walking slightly earlier than 11 months (or at about then) - crappy mum alert for forgetting exact dates - but the vast majority of babies do eventually walk unaided.

And there's plenty of time to learn nursery rhymes. Or not. Who cares?

While I admittedly I don't have any children, nor want any in future, I think the fact you're worried means you do at least care about doing the right thing, which is a good start
I'd bet most people feel like they're crap or don't know what they're doing at least once in a while.
I always thought I was crap at my care job, but now I'm a cleaner in the same place and my colleagues say they wish I could go back to my old role (I wouldn't cos I hated it, but it's nice to know I wasn't as bad as I thought I was).
You're doing better than you think you are

Change I'm howling with laughter.

Would a shit mum write that OP on mumsnet and research nursery rhymes?

I think not.

you are NOT a shit mum.
My first didn't crawl until 13 months and then walked at 18 months
second didn't crawl at all, made no attempts and getting around herself but took her 1st steps on her 1st birthday (& I bloody missed it)
and my third was a bum shuffler from 9 months and walked at exactly 18 months.

As for nursery rhymes and stay and play, I didnt go to any until my third dc was born and I still after 3dc only know 2-3 all the way. My dc were just as happy if I sung lullabys to them (in fact dc3 prefers it lol)
xx

No, I wouldn't judge at all on whether your child is moving and I doubt anyone would. It's not like it's in your power to control unless you've been tying the child up all day!

DS didn't crawl until just before his first birthday (and finally walked almost exactly on 18 months) - it never actually crossed my mind that anyone would judge me as a parent on that account.

must admit to having a fondness for obscure old English ones though. They tend to not sing them at groups. Too violent.
Yes. Goosey Goosey Gander
28 years later, I still remember the shock of listening to my cherub of a three year singing 'took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs'.
Never noticed the lyrics before.

You sound like a fab mum tbh, and maybe putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect! I felt like this when i first started going to baby groups with my older children but it really didn't take long to learn the songs. I went to a new group today for the first time (had a baby last year, 10 years after my last!) and knew all the songs - because i've just finished a teaching assistant course and spent the last year doing work experience in a nursery as a part of it.

There are loads of videos on youtube of nursery rhymes, but i found that even though i knew all the words today they sing the melodies differently to the way i'm used to so i still had to scrabble about a bit to sing along.

And my baby, my 4th btw is 10 months old and completely content to sit on her arse, she doesn't even roll over yet - she's fine, and so am i :) It will all come together, take it a bit easier on yourself x

I have 2 DDs. First DD was walking by 12 months, using full sentences by 2, knew all her nursery rhymes and was the happiest sunshine baby ever second DD HATED singing (and happiness in general to be fair!) and refused to learn all nursery rhymes, walked at 16 months and barely spoke until she was almost 2. I was continuously at the health visitor, worrying about DD2. They just said she was a lazy baby and no issues. They were right. She got it in the end and is now one of the top in her year group academically (so clearly not knowing baa baa black sheep didnt do any damage!)

Also DD1 loved people and is a social butterfly. DD2 refuses party invites (unless close friends) and silently appears to dislike most other people. Yet at parents evenings all I hear is how DD2 is so loved and popular and lovely to everyone .

However DD2 was fully toilet trained (day and night) by the time she was 2. DD1 was 8 before she got it at night. Children are TOTALLY different and it doesnt make you a shit parent just because your little doesnt follow the norm.

It's great that you are taking her out and about. Is she talking? My DD was a late walker but very chatty. They all have their own pace.

You can buy loads of singalong nursery rhymes for the car - the place you took her to might even sell their own (JoJingles?) then you can ensure you have the correct 'version'. Don't worry the songs are like worms in your head, soon you won't be able to stop humming them (I didn't know any either). Just relax and have a laugh.
I made a lifelong friend at one group.

In a few years, you will be laughing about that time the whole baby group was singing to your daughter, but got the name wrong and you joined in, singing the wrong name.

Honestly, if this is the worst you've got, you are doing fine. I didn't know any nursery rhymes either.

If you've got concerns about development, see your doc or HV.