To ask you if you think I'm a shit mum

[shitmother123]

Name changed as don't want anyone in rl reading my threads and putting together that I'm a shit mum

So first off, I should say I KNOW I shouldn't compare my baby to others but it's so goddamn hard not to. Yes this is my first born so I don't know what I'm doing. She is 11 months now.

She cannot yet crawl. Or put her feet down to try and stand. All other babies in my regular group are charging around like mad things and mine is not interested. All she wants to do is put things in her mouth.

Went to a new music baby group today to try it out and it made me realise how shit of a Mum I am. I knew about 2 of the 10 nursery rhymes (and even then only the well known verses). So I'm sat there like a buffoon trying to copy everyone's words and actions, all the babies are either watching or trying to join in with their mums and mine is just desperately trying to put any bit of dirt or fluff in her mouth. Not only that but they got my dd name wrong when singing a song, and I'm sat there singing along about a girl called Jane thinking nothing of it because I was trying to not let dd eat my shoe. So then they get to the next activity and my turn is first. "Ohhhh what would Jane like to play with today?" I corrected her and said oh sorry it's Margaret (names changed obviously!), and then felt like an extra special wally when I realised that we had been singing about our children and it was like I didn't even know my child's name.

Aibu to ask you if you saw me at a baby group would you think of Christ what a crappy mother?

I help out at a mother and baby group, most of the mums don't know the nursery rhymes, they hum along to the tunes As for the walking, let nature take its course, this time next year you will look back and wonder why you worried so much.

DeadbutDelicious
“Baby Godzilla”.

Don’t worry, your baby will move soon enough. And when they do, you’ll realise what bliss life was beforehand!

I remember manically looking up nursery rhymes on YouTube to try and learn the words as it felt like everyone knew them but me. I was very sleep deprived and I laugh about it now.

You are not a shit Mum OP, you sound lovely. Be kind to yourself.

You are obviously interacting with your daughter and care about her development and are taking her to things that you like she'll benefit from. That makes you SuperMum. Personally I'd rather try and eat bits of fluff than sit and sing nursery rhymes and I'm in my 50s so maybe my development is, unlike your daughter's, a bit delayed.

1. Toddler groups are vile ! My daughter is 21 and I still remember how cringey they were
2. All people are different ... yet everyone thinks all babies are the same !!! They all do things at their own pace.
3. Learn "wind the bobbin up" .. dazzle them with your actions !!!

Good Luck !

OP she is your first child, crikey I was always getting the words wrong at these type of get togethers. The mum's always seemed to be so much better, at everything compared to me. In fact I with my second son, were banned from one group, because my son had a fascination with eyes, and kept trying to poke the other kids eyes out. He has grown up to be a well adjusted member of society, funnily enough he's an optician. Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure all Mother's have had, and still have times of self doubt.

You’re doing great - took me ages to learn all the silly songs they sing and you’re little one will get going when she is ready.

My kids are 5 and 2 and I do not know the words to ‘wind the bobbin up’ 😬. I just matter along with it 🤪

Alicatz66 I total agree with you about Toddler Groups, they always made me feel totally inadequate, and full of self doubt, I used to hate them.

thank you all for your reassurance that it's all normal in babyland. Loving reading the anecdotes!

The only thing I am still unsure of is her bearing weight. I can't hold her hands for her to hold herself up, she just won't do it. I have to hold her under her armpits and even then it's just me holding her up really while she might touch her toes to the ground. Does that sound normal or should I get her checked out?
I don't really want to be one of those mothers that's at the doctor every 5 minutes for silly things

Until my eldest was born I had gone through life never ever hearing 'Wind the Bobbin Up'. Imagine that! I took her to baby group and had no clue what they were doing.

The next time I had twins and was winding that bobbin right up with all the other Mummies like a smug pro. However, at Music With Mummy I was basically just trying to control the two of them from escaping the circle while everyone else sat with their beautifully behaved little poppets on their knees happily shaking shakers and banging tambourines. Incredibly stressful (and expensive!) way to choose to spend a morning on 20 minutes' sleep.

None of mine were walking at 11 months either.

Despite this they are now 16 & 18 and fully functioning teenagers like everyone else's. My daughter's bobbin winding deprivation hasn't hindered her at all.

Be kind to yourself, you're just fine.

Wind the bobbin up. What is that all about? It was never around when I was little or was it cos I came from down south?

Also to add - I can't really say I enjoy baby groups, but I'm a sahm with little money so I have to get out and about locally somehow for at least some shit adult interaction, or I think I would go more mad

Mummyoflittledragon that was one of the ones I did know, and I'm from down south. Not even sure how I know it to be honest!

Eh no, hardly a shit mum! I detest nursery rhymes. Except five little speckled frogs, because I like frogs. Baby groups were all my nightmares come true. Worse, other mums actually wanted to speak to me, the horror! That's not a joke, I'm pretty antisocial.

But regardless I forced myself to go because I wanted what was best for my babies. That's what makes you not a shit mum. You take your child and let her be around other children and socialise, even though it makes you feel inadequate. You so aren't. Stop that!

Aren't you supposed to have a check with the Health Visitor or with the doctor at about this time?

I remember DS had a hearing test at about the time he started walking.

At that appointment the HV decided to show me how he could take a few steps from her to me. No shit Sherlock. She could just have asked me.

Well there you go, I didn’t know that one. I faked it til I made it when dd was little. I don’t think she was too traumatised.

Lewji I think they have a 1 year check up with the health visitor, but from what I hear a lot of them round here don't get done until about 18months onward. I might go along to the hv at clinic this week and see about her weight bearing

I never once went to one of these groups and I am adamant that I never will. At least you turned up.

It is a feature of these groups that they induce paranoia. I used to RUN baby classes and I still felt inferior to everyone else in the room.

Great for learning songs. If you knew them there wouldn't be a livelihood for the class leader. Not that they're getting rich

Yes there should be a check at 12 months, so you can get the weight bearing checked out then. I wouldn't worry about crawling by itself - I never crawled; just sat on my arse and eventually walked - but combined with the weight bearing I think you'd be right just to check. Hopefully it's just new mum paranoia and she'll be racing around before you've blinked!

As for the rhymes - if you don't know the words, just make up your own

don't worry OP, every mum feels like this in the first year. Some babies do take a bit longer, and some babies do go straight to walking without crawling. And I didn't know lots of nursery rhymes either!

I didn't know "wind the bobbin up", or the 'spiders crawling up your spine" ones for example but I still sing them now and DD is 10!

Singing groups are an unnatural environment btw and are designed to make you and your offspring feel inadequate. Other mumscalways sing better and wear bigger smiles and their children sing along whilst yours cry/snatch all the shakers/ try and escape through the window.

Oh Barbarian, thank you for this post. I've carried my sense of inferiority for 25 years now - the utter humiliation of going to my first baby singing group with all the other mothers singing away in what sounded to me like a very weird code. It was like I'd suddenly landed in a cult - I had absolutely no idea what the rules were or how to play by them. When to sing loud, when to sing quiet, when to make unfathomable faces and when to do strange things with my arms and legs/my LO's arms and legs. I suffered gamely through DD1's toddlerhood, but my best decision was not to go back with DD2.

So OP, I wouldn't be thinking 'what a crap mother' if I saw you. I'd be swapping phone numbers (only probably not, because I always snuck out as quickly as I could before the socialising started in earnest). Don't go if it makes you feel shit.

Your not a shit mum and if we met at a group I'd just be happy if you were nice enough to talk to me instead of about me in one of the little cliques that always form and I can't be arsed to get involved in. Id also be far to busy stopping my 3 year old from pushing his sister over or whinging because he was hungry, rounding up my 14mth old who would be running across small babies or climbing something and ignoring the fact my 8 week old is crying because I feel guilty that she has to amuse herself whilst I'm rounding up and referring her siblings.

I thought my eldest had been taught "wind your mummy up" for weeks. And having it sung repeatedly was definitely winding me up!

Dd1 walked at 11months. But dd2 was close to 20months! They are all different