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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I overreact?

206 replies

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 29/04/2018 23:10

I usually cook from scratch every day, which takes time and effort and my DH likes and eats the meals I cook. This weekend, I just wanted a break from it so I went and got an oven pizza and told him that I was doing it tonight but I am going to add toppings onto it and he said fine. He obviously was not listening!

So I did it, it took time to chop the veg, cook and season chicken to add on top of it! He came home and said have you cooked anything? and I said yes I cooked pizza like we agreed? and he said is that it? I said.. yes.. it's enough to feed us both! He came downstairs and I was waiting for him at the table then he said "I'm not having that, I don't fancy it! I don't like it..." I don't know what happened, I just got really upset and I threw it in the bin and said if you'd told me earlier when I bought it I could've just done something else! I went off to be on my own and he's not finding something to cook... horrible of me seeing as he's just been work! Sad

I feel like I acted immaturely by doing that but I don't know why I felt upset by it because I always make an effort to cook and ensure food is ready for him but for some reason, I decide to just buy a pizza and he, all of a sudden doesn't fancy it! I ought to just go and help him cook but I don't know why I feel upset and irritated that he just couldn't accept that I haven't cooked for one poxy day.

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 30/04/2018 13:50

BarbarianMum - yes her DH was objecting to having to do any of that, if you read between the lines.

I think this is bigger than just pizza tbh. (Or even pizza and a side salad).

paxillin · 30/04/2018 13:51

You'd dump your dh because he didn't want to eat something you'd cooked? That's pretty controlling

I'd dump my slave driver and find a husband. He would be a partner who loves and respects me. I would not consider the DH described a valuable companion.

Charlie97 · 30/04/2018 13:57

@Fruitcorner123

What she said, sums it up 100%

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2018 13:59

Sorry but have I missed a follow up post by the OP - Ive scrolled through and can't find one. Where does it say he's a slave driver or he threw a toddler strop ? All I can find is him saying he didn't fancy the pizza and wouldn't eat it? In the OP's place I'd have shrugged and eaten my dinner.

I guess I'm not as adept at reading bw the lines as some of you but I really don't se the heinous crime here.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 30/04/2018 14:05

OP agreed with DH what she was going to cook. He said "fine". She cooked it, putting extra (unnecessary) effort in, because she always cooks from scratch. DH then says "I don't like it. I'm not eating it."

At the very least, it's bloody rude. Someone has cooked for you, after you've agreed to it, and then you complain that you don't want it, you don't like it, you're not eating it.

That IS a toddler strop - and I wouldn't accept that from my toddler!

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2018 15:27

Yes he was rude. "Normal" adult rudeness. Not a toddler tantrum due to the lack (as far as we know) of screaming/shouting/stropping/sulking. You may choose to leave your partner based on one instance of rudeness/thoughtlessness but most people would find that extreme. Particularly as he was the real loser here as he list out on the chance of a tasty meal prepared by someone else (pity the OP lost out too).
Obviously if this is part of an ongoing pattern, or the tip of a mountain of domestic abuse, or the straw the broke the camel's back my advise might be somewhat different but based on the OP, no.

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 15:39

"Normal" adult rudeness

None of what OP describes is “normal”. It may not be LTB territory, but I couldn’t be with someone who spoke to me like shit. He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant person and who the fuck wants to be lumbered with that?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2018 15:40

”Pizza? Kids food in our house.”

Has anyone told the WHOLE OF ITALY?, @Joanne57?? Grin

What utter and total bollocks!

Idontdowindows · 30/04/2018 15:40

"Normal" adult rudeness.

I'm sorry, no rudeness is "normal". If you think being rude is normal or has a normal component, I feel very sorry for you. Especially coming from the ONE person on the planet that should have your best interest at the top of their priority list and should treat you BETTER than they would strangers in the street!

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 15:42

Especially coming from the ONE person on the planet that should have your best interest at the top of their priority list and should treat you BETTER than they would strangers in the street

This!

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2018 15:53

You think rudeness is abnormal? Unpleasant yes. Undesirable definitely. Unusual in adults- really not. Unheard of in a relationship? Maybe for you. Dh has occasionally been rude to me (generally unthinkingly or unintentionally) and me to him.

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 15:55

Unusual in adults- really not. Unheard of in a relationship? Maybe for you. Dh has occasionally been rude to me (generally unthinkingly or unintentionally) and me to him

It is unusual in adults, unless they’re arseholes.

And there’s a very big difference between occasionally being a bit nippy and speaking to your partner like shit.

WellThisIsShit · 30/04/2018 17:19

I wonder where you’ve gone OP?

sofato5miles · 30/04/2018 17:27

I've been married for 20 years and not once has my husband been that rude to me over me doing him a favour (cooking the dinner). There is a power imbalance right there if he thinks that not listening twice and then refusing to set it is acceptable.

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 30/04/2018 18:49

Thank you all for your messages! He kept apologising to me today so I think he realises he's at fault but I still feel upset and not looking forward to making dinner tonight Sad

OP posts:
Whocansay · 30/04/2018 18:52

Give him the same thing tonight. But don't add any veggies.
He's a rude, ungrateful prick.

JamPasty · 30/04/2018 18:53

Get him to make tonight's dinner!!

Daifuku9 · 30/04/2018 18:54

Here, you need this:

Did I overreact?
SossidgeRoll · 30/04/2018 18:58

I think I'd ask him to get dinner tonight. He can cook, pick up a takeaway, ready meal, whatever. That way he can be sure there will "something he fancies".
Like many other adults on the planet he can go to work AND THEN COOK.

Ellie56 · 30/04/2018 19:04

He kept apologising to me today so I think he realises he's at fault but I still feel upset and not looking forward to making dinner tonight Sad

Don't make dinner tonight. Tell the knob he can do it.

JessieMcJessie · 30/04/2018 19:49

The correct response to all this apologising would be to say “OK if you really are sorry then you make dinner for us both tonight”. In fact the correct way for him to apologise to him would be to offer. You are being a doormat OP.

Charlie97 · 30/04/2018 20:29

You're not looking forward to making dinner tonight???

Then don't!

I can't decide if you're playing a game with us or if you are really a totally subservient woman!

But whatever you do serve, please do it with a side salad!

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 30/04/2018 20:32

Well I still haven't made any dinner! Think I will just give it a miss lol. Shopping was done today so there's plenty in the freezer! I'm having my dinner early so I can go to bed early.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 30/04/2018 20:53

Way to go OP!

ShirleyValentineswall · 30/04/2018 20:56

Pleased to read that OP. Fuck 'im.

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