Did I overreact?

[MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup]

I usually cook from scratch every day, which takes time and effort and my DH likes and eats the meals I cook. This weekend, I just wanted a break from it so I went and got an oven pizza and told him that I was doing it tonight but I am going to add toppings onto it and he said fine. He obviously was not listening!

So I did it, it took time to chop the veg, cook and season chicken to add on top of it! He came home and said have you cooked anything? and I said yes I cooked pizza like we agreed? and he said is that it? I said.. yes.. it's enough to feed us both! He came downstairs and I was waiting for him at the table then he said "I'm not having that, I don't fancy it! I don't like it..." I don't know what happened, I just got really upset and I threw it in the bin and said if you'd told me earlier when I bought it I could've just done something else! I went off to be on my own and he's not finding something to cook... horrible of me seeing as he's just been work!

I feel like I acted immaturely by doing that but I don't know why I felt upset by it because I always make an effort to cook and ensure food is ready for him but for some reason, I decide to just buy a pizza and he, all of a sudden doesn't fancy it! I ought to just go and help him cook but I don't know why I feel upset and irritated that he just couldn't accept that I haven't cooked for one poxy day.

Having a meal prepared for you isn't a right, it's a privelidge, something I really appreciate being done for me and never take for granted. We share this role depending on who has the time to do it, and sometimes our meals are mediocre using up whatever there is, or quick and simple because we are tired or they are inspired and amazing. Sometimes they are based around what we both like, sometimes geared more to one person's tastes. But they are all nourishing food. And every time I sit down to something someone else has prepared I feel so grateful and happy- it's a lovely thing to experience and one of the joys of a shared household, isn't it?

I want to be like Mars’s wonderful Mum when I grow up.

OP, you are not the maid. If he doesn’t like what you’ve prepared then he can go fuck himself.

I agree with everyone above who says stop being a doormat and do not give a second thought to the poor lamb having to organise his own dinner.

However chicken has no place on a pizza.

@Trumpton - the only thing you did wrong there was not serving yourself half first

My parents are Irish and quite traditional in their ways. Dad always worked and mum was a SAHM who did pretty much all domestic tasks but she never let him treat her like anything other than an equal and surely that's a given?

@Joanna57 your attitude is almost as disgusting as the OP's husband. You'd be okay with your husband for throwing something you'd cooked in the bin? What sort of example are you setting for your children? That girls are only there to serve boys? And boys can treat girls like shit because they work long hours? Fuck that shit. You should be ashamed.

Fuck me, it's 2018. Why are there STILL so many women who allow themselves to be treated like this? It makes me want to cry.

MarsBarsAreShrinking
I know , but it was very satisfying !

I would have eaten the whole pizza myself :)

Jesus, MNHQ needs to make a catalogue of threads like this, so I get my DD to read it when she's older so she knows that she doesnt have to be treated like an unpaid skivvy.

I have no objections in cooking, but expect some gratitude for it.

Milky have you ever asked yourself WHY you “always make an effort to cook for him” yet he never cooks for you and sees fit to complain when your meals are not up to his exacting standards?

On what basis was it agreed that you should cook all the meals? How do you think single men manage to feed themselves after a day at work?

To give you an idea of how a relationship might work: my DH works full time and I work part time and look after toddler DS all day on my non-working days. We usually text each other some time in the afternoon to say “shall we have that chilli that’s in the freezer/can you pick up a lasagne from M and S on your way home/ shall we get a takeaway/ we’ve got ingredients to make a fish pie etc.” Then we decide after we both get home which one of us is going to cook it while the other baths DS (who eats separately).

My DH would find it incomprehensible to expect his dinner on the table for him every night without any involvement in making it happen.

I'd have just eaten the pizza myself and told him to sort himself out. But you didn't over react. You're not his slave, housekeeper or personal chef, you're his wife. Disgusting attitude from him!

"Today we had bacon sandwiches for brunch and burgers for dinner with chocolate mini rolls in the middle."
I hope you mean in the middle of the two meals. The alternative is unthinkable.

Good to read this thread where people agree chopping chicken and vegetables for a pizza is actual cooking. Usually I see threads where people can't be bothered to cook so they just do a roast chicken with all the trimmings or a quick lasagne (made from scratch of course).
My 'can't be bothered' tea is toast. Or pot noodle

i lived with XH for 8 years. in all that time, he never, ever cooked for me/us. said he just couldn’t cook and that was that.

what he was ACTUALLY saying, of course, was that you don’t have a dog and bark yourself.

he’s a fucking prick. so is yours, OP.

(when XH divorced me, one of his grounds was that when i was hospitalised for 6 weeks, he had to take over household tasks, including ‘cooking’ for my DD. which actually meant pinging a ready meal 4 nights a week? once, though, HE HAD TO COOK A PIZZA. it was important to him that the cross he so bravely bore was detailed in the official paperwork. what a guy)

oh, and apart from a series of difficult, painful surgeries, i worked full time. what a prize he was.

Just to add to the chorus: your husband is a dick.

And like others here, I believe this is not the actual issue, but that he has been taking you for granted and treating you like his housekeeper instead of his equal for a long time now.

It was the weekend, he was not at work. The pizzas from ASDA are fab (if they have a counter where the staff prepare them with the toppings of your choice). We often call in on Saturday for one for our tea, a large pizza is quite enough for two people, with or without a bloody side salad.

How do you know he wasn't at work?
Not that I agree that's ax good enough excuse :)

exwife - Oh my God, that's HILARIOUS. I can't believe he asked for something so utterly mundane to be on the official record. What a colossal wanker.

O I don't know. I bet all that opening a cv closing the oven fogged up his glasses.
Did he get laughed at?

Thewernethwife she says clearly in the OP horrible of me seeing as he’s just been at work!

Some people do work on Saturdays and Sundays you know! Or are the people serving you in Tesco just a figment of your imagination?

When we both worked, we both cooked. Now I do 100% of the cooking during the week, and we do 50/50 at the weekend.

Dh has eaten some truly disgusting meals that I've cooked - some total mistakes, some where you had to pick the burnt bits out - once I even poached some salmon in lemon juice. He has a list of foods he doesn't like but will eat anyway because he doesn't want to waste food. He says thank you every time and the only time he's said "could you not cook that again" was after I gave him food poisoning. If there's a spectrum of "ways to behave when your OH cooks for you" he's to the far side of nice, your "is that it" DH is right on the other end.

Wow, time to stop cooking until your squealing Dudley Dursley learns some manners, I think.

People should ignore Joanna57, she has form as a goady fucker.

@MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup are you coming back?

OK, missed that bit, no need for the vitriol. All the same the OP is definitely not overreacting.

There's nothing wrong with pizza for adults. There can be a difference between a Tesco/Sainsbury's basic personal cheese and tomato pizza versus a decent base with toppings that an adult would like (tastes differ, but from basic ingredients that are liked to gourmet could all fall in that category). And there are plenty of shop pizzas that are large enough for 2 people for dinner.

OP, your (d)H was a twat. I hope you found something to eat and that he managed to feed himself. And that you manage to discuss it in a civil way at some stage.

*Joanna57 Mon 30-Apr-18 08:40:22
My DH works a 14 hour day. I work a 14 hour week.

Pizza? Kids food in our house.

I cook 6 days a week, DH always cooks on a Saturday, and he is a far better cook than I am. He loves trying new recipes. I hate cooking, full stop.*

@Joanna - you HATE cooking, yet you cook on SIX days of the week? I despair.

Phahaha what would these men do if they lived on their own.
I wouldn't cook again for him full stop.
If his day ends when he finishes work so does yours!

He needs to get over his entitled self.

Either that or I would make chicken nuggest chips and beans the following night.
Prize pratt!