Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I overreact?

206 replies

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 29/04/2018 23:10

I usually cook from scratch every day, which takes time and effort and my DH likes and eats the meals I cook. This weekend, I just wanted a break from it so I went and got an oven pizza and told him that I was doing it tonight but I am going to add toppings onto it and he said fine. He obviously was not listening!

So I did it, it took time to chop the veg, cook and season chicken to add on top of it! He came home and said have you cooked anything? and I said yes I cooked pizza like we agreed? and he said is that it? I said.. yes.. it's enough to feed us both! He came downstairs and I was waiting for him at the table then he said "I'm not having that, I don't fancy it! I don't like it..." I don't know what happened, I just got really upset and I threw it in the bin and said if you'd told me earlier when I bought it I could've just done something else! I went off to be on my own and he's not finding something to cook... horrible of me seeing as he's just been work! Sad

I feel like I acted immaturely by doing that but I don't know why I felt upset by it because I always make an effort to cook and ensure food is ready for him but for some reason, I decide to just buy a pizza and he, all of a sudden doesn't fancy it! I ought to just go and help him cook but I don't know why I feel upset and irritated that he just couldn't accept that I haven't cooked for one poxy day.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/04/2018 06:19

He's rude and ungrateful
Stop making him dinner

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 30/04/2018 06:25

I don't think you overreacted really. It was dramatic, yet, but he was astonishingly rude and entitled. It might do him some good to sort himself out today and see the work that goes into cooking. You probably need to have a chat about it to clear the air but really in your shoes I would be expecting an apology from him.

Soubriquet · 30/04/2018 06:25

Hes been at work all day and all he got was one measly pizza?!

The poor little sausage. He will waste away!

Where is his gourmet 3 course meal with champagne?

Oh yes, that's right. You're not a waitress in a god damn restaurant

He is a twat

ButchyRestingFace · 30/04/2018 06:29

So I did it, it took time to chop the veg, cook and season chicken to add on top of it!

How is that having a night off from cooking? Confused

And why did you chuck it in the bin?

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 06:31

OP you justify extra toppings and the effort that went into the pizza like it was needed. Like the effort you put in has to be justified and that his reaction is normal.

It doesn’t, and it’s not.

Firstly, being so fucking rude to your partner is not on. Ever.

Secondly, you’re not staff, and deserve better to be treated like you are.

Thirdly, he’s a dick. You didn’t overreact, you underreacted. Massively.

GertrudeCB · 30/04/2018 06:33

I work from to husband's part time and I cook 90% of the time due to logistics. My DH eats whatever is put in front of him gratefully. Yours is a childish dickhead.

GertrudeCB · 30/04/2018 06:33
  • ft.
Hollieb1987 · 30/04/2018 06:37

You could have said this....
You should have done that...

No, you reacted at the time and what's done is done.

We've all been pushed to breaking point and you cracked over a pizza but it's probably the bigger picture which has been chipping away at you. Please don't be so hard on yourself x

confusedandemployed · 30/04/2018 06:39

Fuck me.

I'm constantly amazed at what some women seem to put up with.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 30/04/2018 06:41

immature is not eating a perfectly fine meal that's put in front of you - that's something my 4 year old would try to do.

If DP did it, then fine, and if he knew what it was, and it was something he'd eat another day, then I'd be cross about the waste/effort I went to, but he's perfectly capable of providing for himself - I certainly wouldn't consider myself immature for not going to help him cook himself a second dinner!

Hell, unless it's something conveniently saved/that I've cooked a family sized dish of, I often don't factor DP into dinner plans at all these days - when he gets back from work is so variable that he generally fends for himself when he gets in.

RhiWrites · 30/04/2018 06:44

It’s 2018. Can’t believe this is how OP lives her life. Talk about surrendered wives.

OP your husband was rude, thoughtless and ungrateful. Don’t be upset for him for having to cook his own dinner for once. Be upset for yourself for putting up with this and being treated like an incompetent skivvy.

GinIsIn · 30/04/2018 06:50

I don’t really get how it’s having a night off from cooking if you’re going to cook chicken and veg to go on it anyway.... Confused

thecatsarecrazy · 30/04/2018 06:51

No he sounds very ungreatful. If my dh did that i would just say well u fucking cook something then. We both cook in this house.

Pengggwn · 30/04/2018 06:55

Are you Dobby? No, you're his wife. Tell him to jog on back to 1955.

GuntyMcGee · 30/04/2018 06:57

Chucking it in the bin was an overreaction IMO, it would have sent a better message if you'd said 'ah well, sort your own food out from now on' and enjoyed it all to yourself. Now you've cut off your nose to spite your face really as you're going without because of his immature and selfish reaction.

But that's over and done with now, what's important is how you move on and what happens if he behaves like a silly teenager over a meal again.

Also, if you want a night off from cooking, have a night off and order in - prepping veg to top a pizza isn't a night off. You don't have to hold yourself to such high standards every day, a day off is acceptable if that's what you need. And on that day off tell the husband that it's his turn to cook, which means planning, prepping and cooking an entire meal.

Better still, tell the other half he's cooking 50% of the time now as your offerings aren't good enough. You'll get half the week off from cooking - winner!!

ButchyRestingFace · 30/04/2018 06:57

I don’t really get how it’s having a night off from cooking if you’re going to cook chicken and veg to go on it anyway.... confused

It does make you wonder about the veritable banquet that OP must normally lay out if that is what she considers to be having a night off...

#partyatmilkycoffee’s 🍾

TheScandinavianWoman · 30/04/2018 07:19

Honestly OP, you shouldn't had thrown it out. You should have eaten it yourself and let him starve or get up his arse and cook something for himself.

GreenItWas · 30/04/2018 07:19

If I have a night off my DH has pizza. He gets out out of the freezer, puts it in the oven and cooks it and eats it. Sometimes I get a triangle on a piece of kitchen towel cos he's too lazy to get a plate out and the dogs get the crusts if they are a bit hard. I do not go near that pizza or the wrapping or the stove. If he's still hungry (always) he has a bowl of Shreddies. That is what a night off pizza looks like to me. The rest of the time I cook from scratch but we have simple food.

alltalknobaby · 30/04/2018 07:22

😂

Aeroflotgirl · 30/04/2018 07:23

If your dh does not like it, he can cook it himself, or get a takeaway in for both of you. You were right in your reaction.

ProperLavs · 30/04/2018 07:29

a night off cooking means you don't cook- at all. it means you are not responsible for the food, at all. Putting a pizza in the oven means you are responsible.
You dh is a dick. I once lived with a bloke like this. He insisted on cooked breakfast every morning too.
Your dh treats you appallingly. Please have some self respect and stop him from doing so.
Still laughing about the side salad. Some women are so emancipated.

GreenItWas · 30/04/2018 07:30

Posted too early. OP have a quiet word with him and gradually get him doing more. Time was here, his lordship didn't know which item of white goods was the oven. He can now use it and the washing machine. The fridge is a given. I think you under reacted but you have to pick your battles and win wars by stealth. Had I not met DH when I did he would have died from ding dinner poisoning and scurvy.

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 30/04/2018 07:32

Are you the fucking housekeeper? Fuck me, I am horrified at how some women on here allow themselves to be treated. OP, he only treats you like a maid because you allow him to. Where's your self respect? It honestly makes me a bit angry.

Years ago when they'd not long been married (so early 1970s) my dad complained about the dinner my mum presented to him one evening. I don't even know what the issue was; if it was something he didn't like or there wasn't enough of it, or whatever. My mum had 2 young children at this time, one of which was a poor sleeper but as a SAHM she was happy to cook the dinner each night. However, this did NOT give my dad the right to treat her like fucking staff. On hearing his complaints, she calmly got up from the table, took his plate from him, opened the back door and fucked the whole thing, plate and all, down to the bottom of the garden. She then sat back down, told him to go and fucking sort himself out then and proceeded to finish her own dinner. Funnily enough, he never complained about any meal put in front of him again.

GreenItWas · 30/04/2018 07:44

Mars your Mum rocks Grin

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 07:53

On hearing his complaints, she calmly got up from the table, took his plate from him, opened the back door and fucked the whole thing, plate and all, down to the bottom of the garden. She then sat back down, told him to go and fucking sort himself out then and proceeded to finish her own dinner. Funnily enough, he never complained about any meal put in front of him again

Well done your Mum Mars Grin

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.