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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I overreact?

206 replies

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 29/04/2018 23:10

I usually cook from scratch every day, which takes time and effort and my DH likes and eats the meals I cook. This weekend, I just wanted a break from it so I went and got an oven pizza and told him that I was doing it tonight but I am going to add toppings onto it and he said fine. He obviously was not listening!

So I did it, it took time to chop the veg, cook and season chicken to add on top of it! He came home and said have you cooked anything? and I said yes I cooked pizza like we agreed? and he said is that it? I said.. yes.. it's enough to feed us both! He came downstairs and I was waiting for him at the table then he said "I'm not having that, I don't fancy it! I don't like it..." I don't know what happened, I just got really upset and I threw it in the bin and said if you'd told me earlier when I bought it I could've just done something else! I went off to be on my own and he's not finding something to cook... horrible of me seeing as he's just been work! Sad

I feel like I acted immaturely by doing that but I don't know why I felt upset by it because I always make an effort to cook and ensure food is ready for him but for some reason, I decide to just buy a pizza and he, all of a sudden doesn't fancy it! I ought to just go and help him cook but I don't know why I feel upset and irritated that he just couldn't accept that I haven't cooked for one poxy day.

OP posts:
LittleMysPonytail · 30/04/2018 08:05

Surely as an adult a lot of mealtimes are spent having perfectly enjoyable meals but not what we ‘fancy’?

YANBU - you cooked, just like you always do. If you’d been at a friends for dinner would he have refused to eat because it wasn’t exactly what he wanted?

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 30/04/2018 08:05

She taught me well! Grin

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2018 08:05

Not sure what the problem here is. He didn't want to eat it. His choice. Then he goes without and sorts himself out.

If you are annoyed that you do all the cooking then maybe tell him from now on he's doing half of it. Or just cook for yourself.

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 08:09

@MarsBarsAreShrinking she sure did!

GrooovyLass · 30/04/2018 08:13

I don't understand why a frozen pizza isn't a perfectly acceptable meal (without shoving extra shit on top)?

Op the only things you did wrong are 1) shoving extra shit on top and 2) not eating it all yourself when he declined.

I'm interested to know if he made you anything when he made his replacement meal?

corythatwas · 30/04/2018 08:30

"Not sure what the problem here is. He didn't want to eat it. His choice. Then he goes without and sorts himself out."

The problem is he first said it was fine and then, when the OP had gone to the trouble of organising it, said (extremely rudely), "I am not having that".

Imo there is always a problem with bad manners.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 30/04/2018 08:30

Your pizza sounds delicious and your DH sounds like a cock.

I really hope you didn’t help him make something else OP.

Sometimes I make something my DH (or the kids for that matter!) doesn’t fancy and he’ll eat what he can then have a bowl of cereal/ice cream/tea and biscuits or similar. It’s not hard.

Flowers
FleurDelacoeur · 30/04/2018 08:33

DH and I have a very traditional relationship dynamic where he earns the money and I am responsible for the house/cooking/wifework etc

Us too. And DH would never dream of turning his nose up at what I;d made, or saying he fancied something else. That's just plain rude and not behaviour I'd tolerate in my 8 year old, never mind an adult.

GnotherGnu · 30/04/2018 08:35

I really don't know why you felt guilty, OP. If my husband had behaved like that, my answer would simply have been "OK, you need to get something for yourself then" whilst I carried on eating. You had already prepared the food which he said was OK, you had precisely zero duty to go and help him prepare something else.

BettyPitts · 30/04/2018 08:36

Yes.

We aren't angry with you, we're just disappointed. Us women have a responsibility to feed our men.

If he's hungry he'll be no good at taking the bin out and choosing what we watch on the telly.

pigmcpigface · 30/04/2018 08:37

Fucking hell, you're his wife, not his maid. This was NOT an underreaction. He behaved like a pig.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 30/04/2018 08:38

Don't be a doormat. Let him cook himself.

Joanna57 · 30/04/2018 08:40

My DH works a 14 hour day. I work a 14 hour week.

I were to give him a poxy pizza for his tea, he would chuck it in the bin!

Pizza? Kids food in our house.

I cook 6 days a week, DH always cooks on a Saturday, and he is a far better cook than I am. He loves trying new recipes. I hate cooking, full stop.

Pizza???? Seriously?

pigmcpigface · 30/04/2018 08:42

I'm guessing joanna57 is short for joanna from 1957.

WomanWithAltitude · 30/04/2018 08:44

Your DH would throw food you gave him in the bin?

And you appear to be proud of that?

Trumpton · 30/04/2018 08:45

MarsBarsAreShrinking
A similar tale from me. We were married 1975 and had 3 dc fairly close together ,the first two 17months apart . Times were hard ( small violin plays in background) . One evening I made macaroni cheese . Dh came home and said “ oh no ! Macaroni Cheese again.”
“No” I replied . Opened the back door and hoofed the whole thing, dish and all ,down the garden path.
I think we had toast !

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/04/2018 08:45

I'd eat sheet metal if someone else cooked it and washed up afterwards.

problembottom · 30/04/2018 08:46

Why are people being snobby about oven pizza. We cook from scratch most of the time but if we’re low on supplies we’ve been known to have eggs and potato waffles for our tea. Who cares! OP I would have been mad too.

releasethehounds · 30/04/2018 08:46

Joannaa57? Seriously?

He was acting like a spoilt 5 year old. I would have treated him like one - either eat the dinner that you have been provided with or eat a piece of fruit and no snacks!

InBlackwaterWoods · 30/04/2018 08:48

Wow. Mars, I think I luffs your mum.
Op, he has hands yes? Then if he doesn't fancy it, he fucking makes it himself.
If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one.
Astounds me what some women think is acceptable behaviour from their adult spouses.

WomanWithAltitude · 30/04/2018 08:49

DH and I have fairly high standards for food. We almost always cook from scratch and we both make an effort to prepare nice/varied food as we both love it.

When one of us serves the other a pizza (which would have extra toppings on it - surely that's normal so you can have the exact toppings you like?), it's not an issue, there's no rudeness or turning our noses up.

Who the fuck are these men that think they're so special? What made them so entitled?

Your DH's behaviour was appalling, and I think you should have done what Mars' mum did!

TwittleBee · 30/04/2018 08:55

Blimey! I would have had same reaction as you (actually I have had that reaction before with an x, expect it actually got thrown at the wall... then again he did also spit at me with his disgust for me serving him that up... anyway you can see why he is an ex and I have now massively swayed from my point).

Anyway, sometimes dinner isn't about what you fancy but getting in substance to sustain till next meal. I am sure it would have still been enjoyed by him if he actually gave it a go rather than being completely rude about it!

My DH would never dream of being fussy like that and is just super appreciative of whatever I dish him up! And he does the dishes afterwards too!

AnnaMagnani · 30/04/2018 08:56

I do all the cooking in our house. When I have a night off we have oven pizza and DH takes it out of the packet and puts it in the oven and says thank-you!

No, extra toppings cooked, no fucking side salad, yes it is plenty between 2, and no griping about he didn't fancy it.

He gets what he is given, no sometimes I don't cook amazing but he knows where the kitchen is and doesn't choose to cook in it.

You have under-reacted for years.

DragonMummy1418 · 30/04/2018 08:56

My DH cooked dinner from scratch last night and my 3.5 year old Son 'helped' him 😍
Men can cook their own dinner too! 🙈

Kirk1 · 30/04/2018 08:56

DH does this when we have pizza "is that it?" I always tell him "well, you know where the kitchen is" The kids love it when we have pizza.

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