Borderline personality disorder, have you met one?

[BossyPaws]

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of feeling like an alien sent down to observe the human race.

But now I'm curious, what do other people see?

Have you ever met anyone with BPD and how did they present?

Obviously to me I'm totally normal and everyone else is odd but AIBU to be really, really curious as to how my condition presents to other people?? Please be honest, I'm impossible to offend.

I have never met anyone who has been officially diagnosed. Or at least not that they've told me. I have met people and wondered if they were perhaps (including a family member). This is just from armchair/pop psych I've picked up along the way.

Excuse me for my ignorance, but I always thought one of the BPD traits WAS taking things really personally and being easy to offend? Have I got that wrong?

In my idle moments, I often wonder what a therapist would diagnose me as too...!

I work with women with BPD. So yes- I see them all the time!

In my case I don't care enough about other people's thoughts or opinions to actually react to it. You can stand in front of me and tell me I'm the fattest, ugliest woman you've ever seen - and mean it - and it would go over my head as though you were talking to someone else. I do have aspie traits too though so maybe the lines have been blurred.

I was diagnosed with BPD with bipolar traits and anxiety. Currently on quetiapine and feel amazing on them.

Oooo this is interesting, following to see if anyone has any answers because I’m also diagnosed BPD.
I’m not really easily offended I don’t think but I do probably dwell a lot on what people think of me, but only really my loved ones and I have trouble feeling secure. Couldn’t really give a flying fig about strangers judgements. I think we are all different and everyone has different traits and some traits maybe are more prominent than others but I hope that kind of answers you pp.

Tiredemma, how do they present compared to average folk? Are the traits easy to spot?

I know people think I'm odd but not sure what else they see.

Theres a huge issue around women with Autistic Spectrum Conditions being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Two close friends have bpd, they tend to overthink in their own head so don’t appear any different to anyone else. I know them enough to know when they need their feelings listened too or validated and I don’t ever dismiss their thought processes. Tbh they’re no different to anyone else, I’ve no idea what’s going on with most people and normal is very definitely not a thing

My sister has BPD. She finds it such a struggle because nobody really understands it. She presents as healthy and bubbly, but is prone to very obsessive behaviour and attachments to people which comes across as suffocating and controlling. She also suffers with anxiety which coupled with the BPD has meant her romantic relationships have not lasted as her partners can't cope. She is often aggressive and insulting, takes overdoses and self harms when she feels there is no other option to convince her partner to stay with her, and has been violent to my parents.

On the flip side, she is funny, kind, thoughtful and generous. She would do anything for anyone (but if they don't reciprocate she sees that as a rejection) and never begrudge doing anyone a favour. She never has any money because she spends it all on other people. She is clever, a good listener, and very caring.

I love her dearly, but I don't think I could live with someone who has the same level of BPD as she does because of the volatility. She takes against people for quite minor reasons, usually because she is jealous of the attention of her partner or family being on them, and is quite emotionally needy. She won't take any medication and has not found talking therapy helpful as she doesn't like opening up to strangers. When she is in a new relationship and everything is going well, you would not know she is unwell. It is when she starts to feel rejected that she becomes paranoid and the problems start.

I don't know if she is representative of people with BPD because I don't know anyone else with it.

Its not always so obvious - it may be how they respond to certain situations- for example, If they are stressed then they may resort to maladaptive ways of coping- self harm etc.

A day in my life ...

I had to be at an appointment for 10am. Car wouldn't start. Called taxi, it was late. Got there, didn't have enough money to pay taxi, he took me to a cash machine, it wouldn't work, it was 10am - impending meltdown ... thankfully taxi driver was lovely and told me to just give him what I had. I was so close to losing it yet once I got to appointment on time, everything else was forgotten and I felt fine.

I sent someone a message on Facebook later that day. They didn't reply - I had the mightiest of all meltdowns, decided I was going to divorce, run away to the states, cut off contact with everyone i knew and start a new life. And I meant it.

I had a friend for many years who was never diagnosed but am sure she came under the histrionic label.
She told a few lies but friends tolerated it because she was good fun and had a good heart.
However she began smoking weed which magnified the negatives and the good parts dwindled. She became quite nasty, paranoid and intolerant. I no longer talk to her as she made an assumption about me and told people about it. Her information was wrong as i proved to her but she couldn't apologise.

My daughter has BPD.
She is also on the autistic spectrum, has fibromyalgia, suffers from PTSD and has serious gender issues.
She seriously struggles with everyday life and it is heartbreaking to watch.

My sister has BPD, but it's coupled with anxiety and depression which might blur the lines a bit. She's lovely, kind and generous but does overthink things and can be hugely impulsive. It's very hard to challenge her about anything. She has a very long history or self harm and suicide attempts.

They think my BPD has been caused by PTSD from childhood. It's funny because I never thought it had effected me but when I opened up to the psychiatrist about it he was aghast at how I'd gone on so many years with no intervention.

I though BPD was feeling like everyone wants to leave you, extremes of emotion and extreme behaviour such as self harming or constantly contacting someone for reassurance because been without them triggers abandonment feelings? Thats what I've studied anyway, obviously everyone is different. The person I know who isn't diagnosed but imo could be, she is very entitled and explosive in behaviour, obsesses over past experiences and says she feels unloved, idolised her partner of 12 years and then suddenly declared he was a monster and left him for someone else and now has totally changed personality and mirroring her new man.

I'm no Dr so could be wrong, I do often see traits of myself in BPD but then I see traits of myself in most disorders. I guess it's the extremes you go to, either way If I do have it sod it. I like to think we all have our differences to overcome or accept :)

I'm autistic and know how you feel about everyone else being different OP.

I know no one likes the word "normal" and no one can really define it, but when you're on the outside and so much is incomprehensible, it seems like there is "normality" and then "you".

When you try to describe things that helped you reach a diagnosis and explanation, people says "everyone goes through that!" in a well-meaning but dampening way, ignoring that actually your life is so different that experts who are hard to reach have even agreed it is. It can be very hard to push through and really explain what something means.

The person I know who told me she has BPD is very dramatic and hard to predict. It might not be down to that but sometimes she's very happy and everything is perfect and others she's full of anger and misery and the world is awful, it's very rare she's between the two. She also take things very personally, but maybe the paranoia is another issue.

Despite all this I like her a lot, and sympathise - I can relate to a lot of it and I've often wondered if I might be somewhere on that spectrum too, who knows.

My dearest friend has BPD. She's wonderful and I love her. The only difference I see between her and others is that she becomes very fixated on things and very passionate about them. But I have autism so I see that as 'normal'.

That's right Momo, in my case I fixate on specific people and obsess over them. DH gets the brunt of it as I've convinced myself he doesn't love me, he couldn't possibly, no way and any minute now he will cheat on me or just bugger off. So if he goes out and is longer than expected he's clearly meeting another woman or has run off and I'll never see him again. So I text him to a) make sure he's still alive and b) remind him I'm still alive. It may only be 10 minutes longer than normal but once his time allocation is up, that's it, he's gone and probably isn't coming back. It's ridiculous.

I sometimes begin to obsess over other people too - and think about then CONSTANTLY and have to stop myself harassing them.

I also have ridiculous mood swings - today I'm in the happiest marriage ever, tomorrow I might be plotting my divorce. He doesn't even need to do anything, not responding to a simple text will have me calling an end to the marriage and in the past, I have actually contacted friends and family to tell them I'm getting divorced. All whilst DH is sat watching TV oblivious.

I'm a quiet borderline - everything is focused in on myself, I see everything as my own failing and when I lash out it comes out against myself in the form of self harm, I am terrified of abandonment by my "favourite person" and constantly judge myself as not good enough for anyone, I tend to be suicidal as I feel I'm not worthy of life, I have one friend and she's the only one who's stuck with me through everything I tend to drive other people away before they can abandon me. I will bend over backwards to please other people because that's where I see my self worth - in what other people think of me.
I need constant validation that I am worthwhile and good and that I'm not a huge burden making everyone angry with me.
I have no real sense of who I am and tend to end up mimicking film and book characters personality traits in an attempt to be something.

It's a shitty sad state of affairs and not something I'd wish on anyone else. I also have OCD, anxiety and depression I'm on ESA as there's no way I could work I barely leave my home only going so far as the small town 5 minutes up the road as that's my safe zone anywhere beyond that causes huge anxiety attacks. I spend far too much time thinking about how easy it would be just to quit, to end my life and not have to deal with this everyday and I worry constantly about the way I will affect my children.

Yeah my ex girlfriend of 3 years,has it.....and as much as I adored her,living with her was a nightmare.

I have bpd. The thing that annoys me is that people think that everyone with it is manipulative. It may be that some are but I am certainly not and others I know with it are not either. People without it can be manipulative.

I'm manipulative and I hate myself for it. I'll go out if my way to ensure I get what I want and don't care who suffers as a result. I never even feel guilty.

I have been known to sabotage things in order to ensure things go my way and whilst everyone around me is disappointed, I'm happy in the knowledge that it's going my way. How awful is that? Hopefully the tablets will take some on that away and help me develop a bit of empathy.

Bossy, meds can work. Mine do I take two types and mostly they work. I have meltdowns and my anxiety it high a lot of the time. I’m what the psychiatrist said as high functioning in
Public. I have always worked up until recently ( I am lucky to be able to stay home for a while) and I have done a degree with no time off etc but at home it can be awful for me. If someone says something I can read to much into it and get paranoid.

My friend with BPD is paranoid about people hating her, aggressive and accusatory (because she believes everyone hates her, is laughing at her behind her back, and wants her dead). She needs pretty much constant reassurance and refuses to believe that her friends and family aren’t conspiring against her. She drinks to self medicate which is a very bad thing as it exacerbates all her symptoms. She has made several suicide attempts and blames everyone else for wanting her dead (including people who have been fighting for years to keep her alive and in therapy). She has an internal narrative that she truly truly believes that everyone hates her and punished them for it, when it couldn’t be further from the truth.
She had a no contact order filed against her by her husband, and her teenage dd had to leave the house for her own safety. Both have been dealing with the repercussions of living someone with BPD (including their own suicidal ideation to escape the horror). Unfortunately most of her friends and family have had to withdraw to protect their own mental health.
She’s actually managing reasonably well currently. She’s managing to hold down a job for the first time in years, and has sporadic contact with her dd by text. Everyone has their safeguards in place though as her behaviours tend to cycle.
I do feel very sorry for her. When she is sober and doing well, she is a fantastic woman. Unfortunately, when she isn’t doing so well, it’s very dangerous for everyone else. (I do mean quite literally. Her therapist recommends that friends and family have escape plans to leave town that can be implemented quickly if it becomes necessary). It’s very sad. She so completely believes that everyone wants her dead. It’s desperation.
Walking on Eggshells is a reasonable read if you are interested in what it looks like from the other side. (FWIW I don’t think you sound anything like my friend).

I’ve known mothers with a diagnosis of bpd who have difficulty parenting because of extreme narcissistic tendencies— can’t separate child’s neesom their own, find consistency difficult etcand their volatility can be very frightening to children.
Not an easy condition to live with nor to have.
Personally the unpredictability of reaction is very unsettling. I’m used to reading other people’s emotions/behaviour and find I just don’t know if and when an outburst will occur.