Borderline personality disorder, have you met one?

[BossyPaws]

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of feeling like an alien sent down to observe the human race.

But now I'm curious, what do other people see?

Have you ever met anyone with BPD and how did they present?

Obviously to me I'm totally normal and everyone else is odd but AIBU to be really, really curious as to how my condition presents to other people?? Please be honest, I'm impossible to offend.

Theres a huge issue around women with Autistic Spectrum Conditions being misdiagnosed with BPD

Yes there’s probably a terrifying amount of females who are in fact autistic.

I care for a young lady with bpd or eupd as its now called. She’s in long term hospital care now and it will probably be years before and if she’s released.

She has very little insight to how she’s affected everyone around her and even from hospital she’s extremely demanding, I can get up to 8 phone calls a day.... everyday because everyone else has washed their hands of her. But she’s alive.

I don’t think you can develop empathy though but you can train yourself hopefully to stop and think before doing something distructive. That impulsive urge hopefully can be surprised a bit.

DH's cousin has never been diagnosed, but displays a lot of BPD traits.

If you met him it would only take a few minutes to realise there is something unusual about him.

He lurches from obsession with to hatred of people. He has been married once in the UK and has also been 'married' several times (African country) and has been sexually and physically abusive to all the women.

He has 2 children who he refuses to see because it's too hard for him to deal with not being able to see them all the time.

He self harms and was anorexic at one point.

He has been violent towards family members.

To be brutally honest, I am scared of him and dread him moving back to the UK.

My sister has BPD. CthulhuInDisguise I could have written your post word for word. Thank you for writing it. It sums up my thoughts and what I would’ve said in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to myself

I have BPD, been diagnosed for 6 months now. I fear people walking out my life, I hate my own company, I can't concentrate, I'm very angry and I'm needy. It's definitely difficult to deal with😩 I would say people can't notice there is anything wrong with me until they get really close to me and still even my family haven't seen that side of me

I also find she doesn’t listen to a word anyone says and just wants to open a conversation where she can talk about herself and her needs/wants/what she’s doing/what’s happening to her. So you would think she was actually interested in what other people have to say about whatever it is she’s asked but she isn’t.

Cpn here- it’s really quite common- psychology is the preferred treatment of choice rather than medication- although I’ve seen people be medicated as well

A good friend/colleague of mine has a diagnosis of BPD.

She is kind, thoughtful and would do anything to help you. She's also exceptionally needy, requires near constant reassurance and is prone to histrionics which I think she uses as a tool to control people/situations. That's at her worst though, most of the time she's lovely.

I was her favourite person for a while and it was suffocating. I had to step back for my own sanity. Things are much better with a bit of distance between us.

I'm very glad to no longer be working side by side with her. We work in a highly skilled and pressured job. It was hard enough without feeling as though I also had to manage her emotions for her.

Gamerchick, I'm like that. I have no interest in other people and tend to only want to discuss my own self. I notice when I'm doing it though and fake an appropriate response.

Example - my friend rang me to tell me she'd had a terrible weekend, my mind immediately switched off and I was desperate to tell her what ID been upto. I have to really concentrate on hiding that and ask questions about the other persons experience and fake some concern.

I've always assumed that was part of my aspergers traits.

I would add that I'm very sympathetic towards her. She had a terrible childhood inc severe emotional abuse from her mother. It's not her fault at all and it's clearly very difficult for her to live with.

There but for the grace of god etc

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and Bi-Polar. It shook my world to realise that my barometer of 'reasonable' or 'normal' was very far removed from that of others.

I don't think I present as BPD until you get to know me. I hide it very well. I'm not manipulative, quite the opposite I'm quite gullible and easily manipulated.
There's such a spectrum of behaviours, most fit like a glove, others are shades of grey.

It's very hard now double guessing my opinions, decisions and actions as to whether they're reasonable or BPD reactions.

Still crushed tbh.

oh Balls, many years ago I read in my shrinks notes that I had 'personality traits of an unstable, borderline nature.' I didn't find the label very reassuring (though I did feel relieved that I had a name for my panic attacks, depression and anxiety.) I think the idea of having a personality disorder felt like a real stigma for me - as far as I am aware that is who I am or how I perceive the world. No idea what to do about it so its not nice to basically have it pathologised. That said all of the above describes me (hence the oh balls) although its only very recently that I have started expressing anger at anyone for rejecting me. I am starting to realise that I read rejection into anything. In my case people have to come on really, really strong for me to realise they want to be my friend and I feel awful that it might feel to them that I am making them sort of chase me but I honestly can't believe I am not being hugely annoying if I phone them first or try to arrange meeting up. I try to make up for it by being very warm in person but I also go to ground whenever anything is up with me emotionally and so often lose touch with people I care about. I've asked my close friends how this makes them feel, they say they don't ever feel ditched (but perhaps because they are the ones I am still in contact with and possibly because they function similarly?) My parents are a different kettle of fish and are always feeling abandoned by me (but have their own issues around abandonment themselves.) My husband finds it extremely stressful that I keep finding 'evidence' that he doesn't want to be with me and tiptoes round me in a way I find infuriating. We are in couples counciling and its really interesting to learn about how this dynamic plays out between us. My therapist tells me I think too much. I'm also very dyslexic and never had a problem with that label, maybe because it doesn't have the word 'disorder' in it but having written all the above I can see why all that could be described as one.

I met a speaker once, Chris Young. He has BPD - I was wondering if I had it - and he was very informative on it if you’re searching for help. His book Walk a Mile is a great read!

Someone I work with tells me she has it. I'd say that she seems a bit immature for her age and sometimes a bit hyper, but tbh I have no idea if this has anything to do with the BPD or if it's just her personality. Not sure if that's helpful sorry!

My adult son’s partner of nearly 4 years has a diagnosis of BPD combined with anxiety/depression, gender issues, eating disorders and a history of self harm.
I must admit when they first got together I was very concerned about the impact on my son. However, I have to say that my worst fears have not been realised. They ( the partner) has been fairly stable for the last 2 years and we have built a good relationship. They are “quiet” BPD which is maybe easier to deal with? Being in a strongly attached secure couple with support obviously helps.
They live a few hours away from me so I only see them on visits but I have found them helpful, kind and compassionate towards others. Generally they don’t act out when struggling but tend to withdraw. I’m not sure how I would deal with more dramatic behaviour.
I was worried that my son would end up sublimating his needs and wishes to that of his partner but that doesn’t seem to have happened.

I used to be friendly with a girl who had a diagnosis of BDP that she was very open about, and she was mostly lovely. Kind and helpful and would go out of her way for others, she helped me personally on a number of occasions. The only sign that she had BDP was that she could get very needy and fixated on people.

I have known a lot of people with bpd through therapeutic work and support groups and I would say 80% have been medicated.

No idea. No idea if I’ve met anyone with any sort of mental health diagnosis. The only person I know of is my friend who told me she was off work for a significant period of time with anxiety and agoraphobia.

gamer - I recognize that in my friend. I liken her need for conversation to essentially being used like a tv. She will require someone to occupy her for a few hours (this is sort of where the 'needy' and validation stuff comes from, but I actually think it's more like self-soothing - she can't stop her brain from spiralling if she is on her own, so uses other people to distract and provide feedback. The actual content is irrelevant as long as she can keep you on the phone or talking to her for as long as possible, because then she can keep her anxiety under control. As soon as I put the phone down - usually after hours - within 15 minutes she has reverted to the beginning of the conversation again, is spiralling out of control, and is contacting a different friend/ relative to have the same convo again. I've lost count of the times we have rerun the same conversation over and over again.) It's very sad. As a friend I am providing a sort of service by keeping her away from the damaging spiral inside her own head for hours at a time, but she isn't really interested in the conversation or me. It's a distraction technique. Hence really just being a tv to be turned on or off, but an interactive one that provides a sense of validation. It's exhausting and frustrating. Just after you put the phone down because she seems calm, you see a fb post pop up which invalidates the last three patient hours of your life that you have spent soothing and caring, and you get a message from another member of the support network saying X is calling me. I know why she does it. Initially I thought I was helping, but in reality she needs to learn how to self soothe without others. It's very hard to be the frontline person with the responsibility to provide that support, with suicide threats and emotive arguments. And it's so short term. As soon as the phone is down, she can hear her internal voice again and needs someone to talk her out of her own head again.
Really sad. For everyone concerned. It must be awful.

I will say though. My young lady has just after a long slog seemed to have found her therapeutic dose of meds where she can see outside somewhat of her own little bubble. Very very recent though. So I would say to you to work with your care provider and get those meds tweaked, changed and assessed until you’ve found yours. Hers is a mixture oral and depo injection.

I line manage someone like this. It's a nightmare. There's always a drama. She's highly over sensitive. Either really high energy and bubbly or the whole world is against her and the tiniest thing can set her off. She can be incredibly rude and aggressive. Tears, tantrums & will argue black is white till the cows one home.

She has never said anything about being BPD but I'm fairly convinced she has it.

gamer - I recognize that in my friend. I liken her need for conversation to essentially being used like a tv. She will require someone to occupy her for a few hours (this is sort of where the 'needy' and validation stuff comes from, but I actually think it's more like self-soothing

Yes this!! ^^ or the ones where she just wants to cry down the phone for an hour not saying anything. Or the ones where she’ll ring and just want you to entertain her. Even with a named nurse and other staff to take the brunt of it. It’s massively exhausting.

But we love and care for them so.....

DBT is supposed to help with the ‘self sooth’ thing. I think the sufferer would benefit from being able to talk themselves down massively. It’s sipposed to give good results it’s just so hard to get on the outside.

I have BPD, amongst a whole other host of things.
I am definitely a nightmare to live with...

My abusive ex claimed to have been diagnosed with BPD and he may well have been however he fits 98% of the psychopathic traits so I would go along more with that tbh...

I’m 99% certain my mother has it. She’s the most selfless and most selfish person I’ve ever met. I love her dearly but she’s so very draining and refuses point blank to get help.

My ex has BPD. He is a nightmare, violent abusive arse hole but thinks he's super. He caused me and his daughter a great deal of harm, he is currently not allowed to see her. I tried for years, he took and took and took. In court he lied, lied again and then some more. This tells me he knows exactly what he is doing and I will fight him every step of the way to protect our daughter. I think if you are aware of your behaviour then there is hope for you, if not, like me ex.... Good luck!