Borderline personality disorder, have you met one?

[BossyPaws]

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of feeling like an alien sent down to observe the human race.

But now I'm curious, what do other people see?

Have you ever met anyone with BPD and how did they present?

Obviously to me I'm totally normal and everyone else is odd but AIBU to be really, really curious as to how my condition presents to other people?? Please be honest, I'm impossible to offend.

I agree with PPs that us folks who end up with this diagnosis, usually end up with a host of others. On top of the BPD (and I really prefer that to the EUPD) are depression, social anxiety, a dissociative disorder, bulimia and OCD traits. I hear voices and get lost in my own head a lot.

I've written previously about my situation with treatment (too ill or not ill enough for NHS). Very luckily I'm able to have private longterm therapy with a very great therapist. Not sure what I'd do without her.

As to medications, I've tried a bunch. I'm not touching second generation antipsychotics ever again, but kind of mostly sort of functioning without (give or take a few very bad turns...) Currently on Mirtazapine, just for the depression and anxiety (still waiting to see if they'll work), and have emergency Promazine for the days when I just can't cope at all. It doesn't remove any symptoms, but it knocks you out, which is obviously a lot better than many other frantic coping attempts I might make.

^ meant that on top of the BPD those are the other diagnoses I have - not that it's somehow typical to all!

Honestly not sure why my brain is constantly skipping words when I'm trying to write a coherent sentence.

unlike you he is easily offended and will take what is, for example, a thoughtless comment and turns it into weeks of arguments in which he invariably loses the person who said the comment as a friend

yup, that is me, although it blows up more quickly than that and the friendship is lost within hours not weeks

he seeks constant reasurance and propping up. if you aren't forthcoming he will conversationally back you into a corner where you are forced to either reassure him or criticise him

also me

its not always clear what he wants either. he admits he manipulates people

my friends tell me they don't understand what i want when i get like this. as for the manipulation i did not used to realise that is what i was doing but i am more self aware now. i try not to do it but it has been a hard habit to break

Interestingly enough my latest mental health worker has told me she thinks it is EUPD i have and tells me that is different from BPD (which i have previously been diagnosed with). so i looked it up and it was confusing- nearly every site I have been on uses EUPD interchangeably with BPD. Except a couple of them who said that there is such a thing as Impulsive EUPD. But the symptoms did not seem different. and the websites did not mention the unstable sense of self which is something i DO suffer with. So i still think of myself as BPD, even though maybe i am really not???? i probably should not keep calling it BPD then but am not convinced i sudenly don't have it anymore. EUPD seems to focus more on emotional dysregulation, whereas to me the ER is just one part of it- the identity issues are a huge thing fo rme.

and now my head is telling me i am a fraud for still calling it BPD rather than I/EUPD. my head does that a lot. and i will be fixating and analysing it for days now. eurghh.

NeverSeen it is only recently that i began to accept that the abuse was "significant" and that i wasn't just making a fuss, like my parents had told me for years. something in me always doubts myself. it is horrible.

Someone mentioned fixating on and obsessing on one specific person, i have done this since childhood. i always had to have someone to fixate on, like Alison O' Sullivan in Enid Blyton's St Clare's books! i would feel empty and "wrong" if i didn't. interestingly i am experiencing this less and less as i get through my 30s

EUPD and BPD are the same thing. I think it's an attempt to lift some of the stigma that follows the old term. There are subtypes to the condition, and slightly different wordings and criteria based on what diagnostic manual it happens to be lifted. Really, in practice, it's the same thing.

So much of this resonates and it’s kind of reassuring to know that there are people out there who can empathise however crappy it may be. I hope some people read our accounts and can see that bpd doesn’t automatically mean you’re a manipulative psycho who is purposely destructive. Mostly, we love hard and deep, but unfortunately never learnt to regulate or express these feelings properly.

Mental health service is shocking, and I don’t think bpd is treated seriously. As VanGoghsOtherEar said, women are considered ‘hysterical’ anyway. I’ve always felt dismissed by doctors or therapists and at times felt haven’t done their best to help I.e. I stopped seeing my CPN after one session (just never turned up, she was horrible) and there was no follow up whatsoever - the reason I was assigned to her in the first place was because of a very serious suicide attempt. I’ve been off meds or treatment for years because what little I was offered never helped, and I felt like I was wasting my own time and theirs, so instead I spend most of my time in the ‘bubble of self pity’ as I call it. Like I referred previously, if it wasn’t for my son depending on me, I doubt I would still be here, because I can’t see it getting better.

@VanGoghsOtherEar the older I’ve become the better my symptoms have gotten by far, to the point I’m not even sure I would be considered BPD anymore and probably more of a chronic depressive —if I could even be referred back to a mental health specialist— bu

But I definitely think hormones play a big part in my mood swings. I was much more volatile and impetuous in my teens/early 20s. hormonal contraception was being used when in some of my worst, most recent ‘breakdowns’

NeverSeen If only there was the care available. My last mental health worker , the one who said she thought i was more EUPD, discharged me back in February. I got the impression she could not get rid of me fast enough- she would laugh at me derisively on the phone if i was feeling anxious and tell me "you're not anxious, don't be silly." I think she did not like me because our first meeting did not go well- i was anxious and defensive- i felt she was judging me. also she had issues with me being fat as well. i could sense it right from when we first met. she told me that my ED issues were a "not a current diagnosis" and that i "did not present like an ED, "I just needed to go to Slimming World." I do go to Overeaters Anon and it has been helping but somehow that not good enough? She hinted before that she thinks my previous MH workers were not firm enough with me, which really hurts, because although my DBT therapist was very gentle and helpful, my past has been one of people being harsh with me, including MH workers and others. So am not so sad to see the back of her tbh. Although i was initially anxious about losing her.

NeverSeen That is interesting. I also have diagnosis of PCOS (polycystic ovaries) (exacerbated from being on mood stabilisers and antipsychotics in my early 20s) and sometimes i wonder how much the PCOS issues have made the moods worse. i am now on a good contraceptive pill which has eliminated the PMS- like symptoms i used to get. i am less irritable. get very angry when triggered but the general feeling of always being irritable has gone since starting this particular contraceptive pill.

Woman i knew was overly non-stop chatty. But only talked about herself and overly open.

Attached herself to people easily and heavily reliant on others. Bit of a cf.

Said overdramatic things that didn't make sense. An immature outlook.

Not very self aware.

But not a bad person.

Think it's on a spectrum so probably individual anyway.

@VanGoghsOtherEar I actually had hormone tests before for suspected PCOS (didn’t have it but ticked all of the boxes?) my PMS can be evil, but on contraception it was practically unmanageable.

@polkadotwellies that’s very much like myself except I’m not clingy or dependant to others. Verbal diarrhoea and not much of a filter. It’s helped in my career though as apparently I have ‘excellent interpersonal skills’......but they don’t have to live with me

because I can't see it getting better

NeverSeen

Right, bed time!
@VanGoghsOtherEar and all you other BPDers - I hope tomorrow is a good MH day for you all

I can totally see that how my friend feels is like what you guys describe with the useless support.

His family get frustrated with him and suggest he doesn't try or take steps in helping himself but what is someone supposed to do who already feels so low and then gets passed around different doctors only to be doubted and have their feelings minimised or meds taken away/changed after years of playing around with doses to find something that helps, if only a little. He's just lost the steam to persevere with them and I don't blame him at all.

Between a rock and a hard place seems to be where the mental health services leave people.

For anyone with BPD on this thread, I’d like to share my view on the new Amy Schumer film- I feel pretty.
Whilst watching it I felt a bit like it outlined the mood swings that happen with our illness.
Sometimes I feel on top of the fucking world. My view seems to count for something, I feel pretty, I feel like a decent human.
Then bam out of nowhere I feel like the ugliest, worst person who has ever lived, it’s hard to exist at that time.

If you accepted the bits where she hits her head as changes in mood and viewpoint of who she is, that would be me.

I run when I feel that way. Not all borderlines are clingy.

One of my best friends is married to someone with bpd. They have a very good and loving relationship but she has gone to great lengths to understand the condition. He finds friendships difficult and has few, and has struggled at work as he can't really take criticism and likes things done a certain way. Can be overbearing with family but a good father overall. I find him quite funny and nice but he's a strong character.

My daughter has been diagnosed with personality disorder. What is the best treatment available?

Yes I have. But there were a other things going on apart from the symptoms of Borderline. The hearing voices she had, didn't 'fit'. Ive had a schizophrenic colleague who had them +delusions & hallucinations , but then I've met Bi polar people who hear them & have delusions when off meds & in a manic episode. She didn't have delusions or hallucinations tho so I'm not sure what they were due to & her Psychiatrist never addressed them, which worried me, as the voices told her to self harm. Nothing else, just that. Psych.Com is very good for symptoms & info. If I remember right it was started by a Harvard graduate & has strong links with their current Psych department.

@avni8371

Hello, this thread is a bit old, so you might find people just respond to the initial posters question rather than seeing yours so you might be best to start a new thread.

In terms of your daughter, i would recommend speaking to who has diagnosed her. Its difficult to say because different treatments work for different people and it depends on what she is currently like as its very much the case of the right treatment at the right time, and a traditionally helpful treatment might not be right for her right now.
generally medication tends to be only a part of the picture and is used more for symptom reduction.

Generally the most recommended treatment is a form of therapy called DBT, which can be individual or group based. Some people have it as an inpatient but generally its in the community. Equally some nhs trusts offer STEPPs groups or schema therapy which is mentioned in the clinical guidance for EUPD. Have a look to see whats on offer near you as lots of nhs services have different criteria etc and different services available.

I did a search for BPD and this came up amongst others. Reading replies, so much of peoples experiences stand out to me. I don't have time to go back and quote it all but so much stands out.

Myself and the family are having a difficult time with my sister. She estranged herself from the family and she's having major problems dealing with her life and her emotions and she's harassing the family. Full on hatred campaign and wrecking everything because we're not bending on our knees at her feet.

She was easily offended and and makes a mountain out of a molehills and carried her arguments for years.

For example she gave our mother a picture of herself. The next time she came home to visit, she discovered that our mother never framed the picture and hung up on the wall. 5 years later still hanging onto it. It was never intentional from our mother but my sister won't let it go. That's just one example. Years of insults and abuse and threats and wrecking and sabotaging everything we have/had.

She issues some nice new fresh threats last week.

Officially diagnosed BPD after one single hour appointment with mh services after being sent by a doctor I'd only seen once (first year of teaching, went to doctor as very very stressed). There was no follow up care, no further appointment with mh services.

After reading up on BPD, I disagree - there are traits, but much milder than those needed for a BPD diagnosis. Usual doctor agrees with me and I'm waiting for an ADHD diagnosis (2 year wait extended to 3 by covid) and also suspected ASD. Fit is much better. The mix of ADHD and ASD is often misdiagnosed as BPD in women seemingly.

I have BPD, been diagnosed for 6 months now. I fear people walking out my life, I hate my own company, I can't concentrate, I'm very angry and I'm needy. It's definitely difficult to deal with😩 I would say people can't notice there is anything wrong with me until they get really close to me and still even my family haven't seen that side of me

I can relate to that but I’m sure a lot of people can? I don’t think I have BPD/EUPD. I do have PMDD though and I used to get extraordinarily upset at friends not replying to texts. Now I’ve calmed on that front. I do wonder if I have it but I have never self harmed and I’m usually calm and in control. It’s the way I feel inside that makes me wonder the most.

BPD is quite an outdated diagnosis, it’s usually referred to as “CPTSD” (complex ptsd). It’s basically an unregulated emotional centre due to trauma. The British Psychological Society released a new framework a few years ago, clinicians shouldn’t ask “what’s wrong with you?” but should be asking “what happened to you?”.
If you want to learn skills to help regulate your emotions try reading some of Marsha Lineham books.
But best thing you could prob do is find a calm, mother like therapist who can teach you to regulate through co-regulation. Basically when you get upset in therapy she will remain calm and help bring you back to baseline, this helps program your brain to do the same when you are outside the therapy room. Good luck x