Borderline personality disorder, have you met one?

[BossyPaws]

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of feeling like an alien sent down to observe the human race.

But now I'm curious, what do other people see?

Have you ever met anyone with BPD and how did they present?

Obviously to me I'm totally normal and everyone else is odd but AIBU to be really, really curious as to how my condition presents to other people?? Please be honest, I'm impossible to offend.

I’ve only known one person diagnosed with BPD and it was my mum. None of her children have anything to do with her as she was extremely abusive. I am not saying that was due to the BPD but she is the most horrid person I have ever met and took great joy in causing us pain.

She used to hit us, threaten us with irons, knives etc. she would scream in long rants about how we ruined her life etc. I remember at the age of 9 sitting and hugging my little brother for what seemed like hours because he was playing too loud (nicely but chattering to himself the way young kids do). He was only 2 and she shook him so hard and got right in his face and screamed that she hated him and wished he was dead and how horrible he was. He was a good child but he sobbed for ages afterwards and kept asking me why his mummy hated him: broke my heart. She never showed any remorse for her actions and would often smirk or make fun of us if we were upset. She would often lie and tell my dad we had done something bad so when he got home he would punish us, and she would smile at us as we got hit. She never once hugged me or showed any affection.

She had an extremely short fuse and would lose her temper at seemingly nothing… I mean going bright red, spitting and screaming just inches from your face. I’ve never seen anyone lose control like that. She would scream abuse at shop assistants, her doctor etc for minor things like if a shop had run out of a product.

Despite her cruelty and lack of compassion to others she would get very upset over small and often imagined slights. Cannot bear the idea of criticism. She is a fairly unhappy person though and has made so many suicide threats over the years I have lost count. When I was around 14-15 I used to get home from school before my brother and sister and she used to tell me most days that if she wasn’t downstairs when I got in, I should go to the bathroom as she will have committed suicide and she didn’t want either of my siblings to find her body.

Things got much worse when we grew up as she then lost control over us. Things were hell for the last few years I was in contact. Both myself and my sister had to get restraining orders out on her.

Took years before she got her diagnosis. She still doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her and blames other people. Sadly, everyone she had has turned away from her, apart from one of her sisters.

@BossyPaws

I take quetiapine for sleep, have for years. It’s the only — and I mean only — thing that works, including meds that are specifically made for sleep. It’s a godsend in that department.

@EssexLioness

@Nouveaunew thank you! I have a happy life now so am ok

@EssexLioness

You've described my mum to a t. I could have written what you wrote. It was such a relief when she got the diagnosis because she would always blame me and rewrite history - so it was finally like, ok, I'm not crazy.

It was awful growing up as she would tell people lies about me and they would berate me for being such a bad child and causing her so much stress. She would have this horrible smirk when she would speak to people about me as if she were "concerned" about my terrible invented behaviour.

At least I now don't have to have anything to do with her.

Hope you're ok now.

@BossyPaws

A day in my life ...

I had to be at an appointment for 10am. Car wouldn't start. Called taxi, it was late. Got there, didn't have enough money to pay taxi, he took me to a cash machine, it wouldn't work, it was 10am - impending meltdown ... thankfully taxi driver was lovely and told me to just give him what I had. I was so close to losing it yet once I got to appointment on time, everything else was forgotten and I felt fine.

I sent someone a message on Facebook later that day. They didn't reply - I had the mightiest of all meltdowns, decided I was going to divorce, run away to the states, cut off contact with everyone i knew and start a new life. And I meant it.

I am BPD and I do stuff like this all the time. Every other day I'm going to divorce, quit my job, unfriend somebody, etc. etc

I also will also do things like drive my car 100 mph and other reckless behaviors. When I was younger I was extremely self destructive, from age 16 I was drinking, driving, doing drugs and hooking up with all different types of people, to the extreme. How I survived I will never know. That is a big indicator of BPD, reckless, self destructive behavior. There are times I do not care if I live or die.
I finally stopped drinking and that cut down on a lot of erratic behaviors, but not all of them. I think I have slowly gotten better with age, and awareness but I will never be normal, whatever that is.

I also will also do things like drive my car 100 mph and other reckless behaviors

You have to report this to the DVLA before you kill yourself - and any number of other people who happen to be in the way. A diagnosis of BPD will not protect you if you kill other people.

It's the law - your personality disorder affects your driving.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I also will also do things like drive my car 100 mph and other reckless behaviors

You have to report this to the DVLA before you kill yourself - and any number of other people who happen to be in the way. A diagnosis of BPD will not protect you if you kill other people.

It's the law - your personality disorder affects your driving.

Yes I now take public transportation. I would do it on the highway on my way home from work, I don't know why. There wouldn't be a lot of other cars out but I know it was dangerous.

A woman who was my friend for 25 years was diagnosed with it. She lied about everything- little things like what she'd eaten, big things like having cancer.
She would tell you something, eg she hated cooking, but then started an Instagram page about how much she loves cooking.
She would get obsessed with people's lives to the point of stalking and in one case police intervention.
She only really laughed if it was at someone else's expense.
She had two children with two men to try to make them stay with her- they left, and she left the children with people she knew and never went back for them, both times.
She had every imaginable symptom of every illness that was doing the rounds but was better in a matter of hours. IE, she'd have flu for an afternoon!
She hated anyone having more money than her. One time her ex husband was on holiday with his new girlfriend, in a fancy hotel, and she rang the hotel to tell them he couldn't possibly afford it and they should kick him out, because she was so jealous.
She was exhausting. Nobody could be around her for long. I finally stopped when she decided that my daughter's father wasn't who I said it was, and wouldn't let it go.
She refused to take medication but the few times she did she was actually a very nice person.

One of the best line managers I ever had was someone with BPD. She put in an incredible amount of work including therapy and medication to make her life the best it could be and was great at it. She had a substantial relapse of symptoms while in post and had much of the work to do all over again but she came back from it. We're still in touch 10 years later, I admire her enormously.

@pointythings

One of the best line managers I ever had was someone with BPD. She put in an incredible amount of work including therapy and medication to make her life the best it could be and was great at it. She had a substantial relapse of symptoms while in post and had much of the work to do all over again but she came back from it. We're still in touch 10 years later, I admire her enormously.

Thank you for sharing this. I've noticed that a stressful event, or events, can trigger an "episode", for lack of a better word. I've been under a new treatment for about 6 months which has helps, it never really goes away but can be managed. I'm happy for your colleague.

My sibling has this, has fallen out with me, again. Takes everything the wrong way, yet won’t engage, I would rather know what slight she has perceived I have done but I’m blocked. Eating disorder, controlling with food and exercise, prescribing exercise onto those around her. Slags off everyone, over analysing everyone, often getting it really wrong.

I feel sorry for her children and people that she works with. She won’t admit anything is wrong, it’s everyone else, as a result not getting treatment.

My mum has BPD.

Growing up, she was volatile, a control freak, manipulative, over emotional, you never knew what mood she'd be in. It was hell and she could be very cruel with stuff she said (I was fat, I should die, I was a demon etc).

It affected my self esteem and confidence, I'll always struggle to see myself in a positive light and I was previously diagnosed with CPTSD.

Today though, we have a lovely relationship. Her BPD 'traits' and meltdowns are very rarely triggered and now we get on well, we chat most days. Her traits have mellowed with age.

Her childhood was loveless, raised by an indifferent mother and physically abusive father - as an adult, I can see that her BPD is part of her trauma and she did her best as a parent. I deserved better, but she did her best. So sadly now I assume anyone with BPD most likely has a lot of serious trauma in their past.

G

Just had to make sure I had NC. Yes, I have met plenty. Worked on a psych ward for 20 years.

I'm so sorry to read all these stories of people who have been abused by someone with BPD. To me BPD isn't a free pass to behave like a shitty human being and it's so sad to read this. It's one reason why the disorder is so stigmatised. Not all of these are necessarily traits of BPD although I guess it's like anything else and other personality traits come into play too.

It does mess with my head a bit as I think what if I am like this but I don't realise even though I KNOW I do my damndest daily not to be.

Yes I work with people with BPD they mostly have another mh diagnosis too. All are medicated.

A family member has been diagnosed and on medication, my brother I suspect has and a friend also diagnosed

All are quite different. Some it’s managed better that others the need for support is high and I have found with women the self harming is more prevalent. For myself it’s telling myself it’s not personal and reminding myself how i view the world is different

None confirmed.
I suspect an old friend has though not sure she is a fantasist telling obvious porkies more Walter Mitty.

@EmeraldShamrock1

None confirmed. I suspect an old friend has though not sure she is a fantasist telling obvious porkies more Walter Mitty.

Lying isn't part of the diagnostic criteria for BPD.

My mother is a textbook case, definitely some kind of rage disorder. Also the feelings of paranoia, convinced that erveryone is talking about her/out to get her, and the weird attachments to newly met persons. But then she is deeply enmeshed in AA and I think that organization has a lot to do with encouraging these symptoms because they expect people to relate to and support complete strangers and they have an issue with pervasive gossip. Anyway, BPD coupled with rage disorders is no joke and not something you have to wonder about when you meet them. My mother is very clearly off.

Yes, a few people. Fairly like everyone else except when stressed or if friendships or events didn't go the way they expected. They would (both) veer from being someone's (not mine, these were from my perspective as a third party) best friend ever, wanting to spend all their time with them in quite a suffocating way to deciding that the friendship was toxic and over and everything was therefore shit.
Someone I knew of in a professional context would lavish praise on people like carers, GP etc then on a sixpence accuse them of assault or theft - no evidence ever presented, they were just sure it had happened. Very difficult to support consistently.

Reading this has been a real eye opener.
I have diagnosed OCD anxiety and eating disorder but i see a lot of myself in these traits. I have a really negative opinion of myself and constantly think people dont like me/are talking negatively about me. I am such a people pleaser and drive myself mad because i cant stop for fear that people won't like me or want to be friends with me. I overthink what i come across to other people and go over things i have said. I feel like i constantly asses and overthink my relationships with friends.
I dont have a strong sense of self and often change to fit in whoever i am with.
I feel so desperate to have a strong connection to others and an terrified of being rejected. I am always convinced my oh will leave me for someone else. Im a very jealous person but always try to hide it.

@EssexLioness does your mother deny that any of these things happened? My mother is so deep in denial that I think that her mind genuinely disconnects when the rage takes over. I honestly think she truly does not remember the things that she does or says and then can't understand why people distance her.

Other times she talks about things like hitting us like it's a funny story that any one would reminisce about.

EmeraldShamrock1

^None confirmed.^
^I suspect an old friend has though not sure she is a fantasist telling obvious porkies more Walter Mitty.^

Lying isn't part of the diagnostic criteria for BPD.
@Svadhyaya This friend has no idea she is lying, we've been friends since school and she will 100% believe what she is saying is true.
Certain friends call her out, she becomes very confused.
Huge lies on achievements, competitions, life moments, it's hard to believe.
I let her talk.

@mumu32

I can relate to what you write. Do you think it could be codependency? I am healing from codependency at the moment and it’s so freeing.

It’s pretty horrifying to read about all of your experiences with people with BPD. Based on all I’ve read, I’ll admit I don’t fully understand the disorder.