Borderline personality disorder, have you met one?

[BossyPaws]

I have recently been diagnosed with BPD after years of feeling like an alien sent down to observe the human race.

But now I'm curious, what do other people see?

Have you ever met anyone with BPD and how did they present?

Obviously to me I'm totally normal and everyone else is odd but AIBU to be really, really curious as to how my condition presents to other people?? Please be honest, I'm impossible to offend.

Most of my friends have BPD (I have it too), as I met them in hospital, in DBT, or a MH charity group thing.

If it was not for the way we met, I would never have guessed they had BPD. We are all "quiet" type, so negative feelings are directed inwards. It can be dangerous, as when one of us goes silent, it often means they are in crisis.

There is only one I no longer am in contact with (she took a teeny comment way too seriously and went all out no contact with me).

@XenoBitch

How did you all come to be diagnosed?

[quote Nouveaunew]@XenoBitch

How did you all come to be diagnosed?[/quote]
We are all different. One friend was diagnosed very early in life, another in her late 40s.
One was diagnosed and just discharged with no support, whereas others got a huge amount of support from MH services.

[quote georgarina]@EssexLioness

You've described my mum to a t. I could have written what you wrote. It was such a relief when she got the diagnosis because she would always blame me and rewrite history - so it was finally like, ok, I'm not crazy.

It was awful growing up as she would tell people lies about me and they would berate me for being such a bad child and causing her so much stress. She would have this horrible smirk when she would speak to people about me as if she were "concerned" about my terrible invented behaviour.

At least I now don't have to have anything to do with her.

Hope you're ok now. [/quote]
Sorry you went through this too. Yes I am ok now - cut contact almost 9 years ago and got counselling which helped enormously.

@XenoBitch

I was just wondering as you mentioned being quiet.

[quote Boxowine]@EssexLioness does your mother deny that any of these things happened? My mother is so deep in denial that I think that her mind genuinely disconnects when the rage takes over. I honestly think she truly does not remember the things that she does or says and then can't understand why people distance her.

Other times she talks about things like hitting us like it's a funny story that any one would reminisce about.[/quote]
Yes she will always rewrite history so she is the victim. Or if confronted then she would threaten suicide so that the accuser would take pity on her instead. It all really fucked with my head when younger. I remember having some sort of breakdown in my early 20s over some of her abuse. I was staying the weekend and had just had enough of the stress - was crying uncontrollably and asking why my own mum had never loved me. Totally unlike me but she still tried to turn it around and was cross with me for making her feel bad. I said I was leaving and my dad told my mum she better stop thinking of herself for once as her daughter was heartbroken. She still couldn’t take accountability.

She never remembers at she did but would retell the ‘funny’ story of how she held a hot iron to my face and I got so upset that I called dad in tears ‘like a little baby’. I was 17 🙄

[quote Nouveaunew]@XenoBitch

I was just wondering as you mentioned being quiet.[/quote]
I don't know the exact details of my friend's diagnosis, and I would never ask. I love them all the same, and it does not matter.

When any of us has been unwell, and come to the attention of services, it has been due to self neglect, suicide attempts, more extreme self harm etc. That may have well been what triggered a diagnosis too.

Oh and in a weird way @georgarina it is actually reassuring to hear someone else with similar experiences (though obviously sorry you suffered). On the few occasions I have tried to explain even the tiniest fraction of her abuse, people just looked in utter disbelief. I soon realised how abnormal my experience is , so stopped saying anything.

Thanks @XenoBitch I sometimes wonder if I have it as I’m quiet and direct inwards and hide turmoil well. From the amount I’ve learned from this thread I don’t think I do.

@55Nouveaunew
Thats great you are making recovery!

I'll have a read about that, thank you
Do you also have BPD diagnosis?x

@mumu32

No I don’t have a BPD diagnosis. I have some traits of it (personalisation, emotional highs and lows, fear of abandonment/rejection) but I have never self-harmed and in general I feel much more in control of my emotions than when I was younger. It’s more of an extreme form of PMS (PMDD) in my case but I’m acutely aware of it now.

Codependency has been my big issue to heal and it was like a lightbulb when I read about it and detached from destructive patterns. When it comes to codependency, awareness of your own behaviour is the key instead of the incessant focus on that of others that we codependents are so conditioned to do.

Yes, hundreds.

I find that the diagnosis is thrown around willy-nilly and I don't think its at all helpful. The number of people who have it (a diagnosis) that come to see me and they simply don't meet the criteria is actually astounding. It tends to be women who are difficult to work with and intense emotionally. As someone in the field I think its hysteria re-branded. Its a misogynistic diagnosis (around 90+ % of those diagnosed are female).

There are several overlaps with other diagnoses including:

Autism
Eating Disorders
Complex PTSD
Anxiety Disorders
Dissociative Identity Disorder (actually rare if you find someone with an ACTUAL diagnosis of this)

As a rule people with BPD are over-invested in what people think rather than under. The whole condition is a real minefield with the nuances of it so its something I couldn't explain fully here. Most of the online info is nonsense unless from a reputable source. We have a lot of people who think they have it but actually are just miserable and angry.

My rule of thumb is that if you are able to function to a degree where you get to your mid-30s and older without a diagnosis, chances are its more emotional dysregulation.

The key thing I find that separates people w BPD and those who are misdiagnosed is sense of self. BPD people often don't know who they are. They get messages from the environment that their internal experience is inaccurate that they constantly question who they are, what they think/feel and whether they are wrong. All the time.

Anyone want more info do DM me

I know a number of people with BPD, including some close family members. Typically the seem to struggle with boundaries, relationships, can be manipulative. Tend to get very invested in things like new hobbies or friendships until they just burn out. Tend to avoid taking responsibility.

I usually are pretty good at maintaining positive relationships with them. I know it can be difficult and frustrating for others in my family though.