About DH's leisurely weekend morning routine?

[getoutofthebath]

Every morning, unless he has to be up particularly early for work, DH has a bath lasting an hour or more. When we had our DC this habit didn't change.

The problem is that now we have a DC this just isn't working for anyone except DH. For example, this morning we planned to take DC swimming. But then DH goes up at about 9.30 for his bath. He's still up there at 11am. Meanwhile I'm stuck downstairs with DC every weekend morning wondering when the hell we're actually going to get out of the house. I'm also the one that has to get DC dressed and field constant requests for snacks/park/bubbles etc. What always happens is that DH emerges eventually at around 11.30 ready to go, while DC and I are bored shitless from waiting around for him and ready to eat lunch. DH doesn't understand that DC needs lunch by midday, so once we've waited for him to have his bath half the day is pretty much gone. DC is also much more active and engaged in morning activities than afternoon ones, so would get a lot more out of a morning swim than an afternoon one.

How the fuck is this current situation sustainable? I can, and do, often just take DC out by myself but I'm heavily pregnant atm so it's not quite as easy as it used to be. And how is this going to work when DC2 arrives? Am I going to spend my Sat/Sun mornings stuck downstairs with two DCs for up to two hours waiting for him while he wallows in the tub?! I'm a SAHM so these weekends are like a busmans holiday for me.

I've tried to discuss this with him, calmly, rationally, so many times. But he's never made any attempt to stop and engage with us all in the mornings. AIBU to lose my shit with him? If DC asks me for a snack one more time today I might explode.

If my DH did this I'd be sending both kids up to bang on the bathroom door and generally harass him until he got the point! YANBU at all.

Give him a taste of his own medicine? Get in the bath before him, leaving him with the DC. Don't come out for 2hrs - he might see things differently after that

He is just opting out isn't he.
It is very selfish behaviour.
What are his reasons for doing this?

How old are the kids? I Would be tempted to get myself ready to go out, send the kids up to the bathroom, shout up to him that you are leaving, and then just go. Let him sort them out for a change

I would nip in the bathroom before and closet myself away for 2hrs and see how he likes it! Do it every weekend morning until he gets the picture.

I’d either get in the bath earlier myself and take the morning, or help the kids jump in with him and go out. I’d tell him I’ll stop when he starts kicking in on weekend mornings, prime family time.

I'm not really into playing people at their own game. I'd rather just call him out directly.

That doesn't seem to have worked for you so far though, has it? If you've already tried to discuss it with him several times and he has continued to be selfish.

My dh has hour long baths too, gives me the rage, I don't have time for hour long bloody baths!

I too recommend sending the dc up to harass him. Nobody needs an hour to bathe apart from me when shaving legs which takes about 2 days so either play him at his own game or leave him to it and go out.

Well if your approach is working then carry on!

However it seems like it isn’t, so a quick taste of their own medicine might focus his mind some.

You have tried to talk to him and it obviously hasn’t worked!

Call him out on that. It's shit and not needed. Surely he can do that in the evening.
I love a bath and find it the only time on my own, even taking my iPad and Netflix to watch while I soak. But I do it in the evening after the kids are in bed and we've had dinner. The. It doesn't effect anyone else.

Oops xpost over playing him at his own game sorry.
I couldn't be bothered spending an hour in the bath anyway and above all else I prefer showers.

He obviously thinks that this is his time off and he should be able to spend it as he wishes. But it's very annoying. My dh sometimes does the same. I try and get the kids involved

“I'm not really into playing people at their own game. I'd rather just call him out directly.”

Well then do it? You’ve clearly allowed this situation to go on for years already though. I would have put a stop to this long ago. He’s taking the piss.

I feel your pain! My DH has just got up and waddled to the bath, where he will remain - topping up periodically until the tank is empty of hot water. He miraculously sleeps through the dsc killing each other over the remote control every non-school morning. I haven't slept in past 7.30 in years, I'm usually woken by his snoring at about 5. On work days he will also ensure he is last out of bed. It really grips my shit...

Well you "called him out" verbally and it hasn't changed anything.

Time to try something different.

Get in the bath first play some music and stay there.

Send the DC into the bathroom while you get ready.

Stand outside the bathroom door talking constantly about everything that needs doing today.

And when he throws a strop, which he inevitably will, what will you do?

I tried calling him out on it and he made a nasty comment about me being 'ill all the time' (I 34 weeks pregnant and still have HG ffs)

I just burst into tears and ran upstairs. I can't formulate words right now because I'm so disappointed and angry.

Have you explained this to timor are you waiting for him to realise? Not that it's hard to pick up on but I know that DH needs things like this spelled out as he has no idea when the dc lunch/nap times are.

We had some instances of similar and then DH getting annoyed when he came down to find one dc asleep and me making lunch saying we now couldn't go out. Or when we are driving somewhere and the kids are ratty as they are hangry as it's 12.30 when we arrive and they eat lunch at 11.45.

If dh say's 'i'm going to get ready' i now ask specifically what that is going to entail and how long it will take and what time he anticipates us leaving and who is getting the dc/packed lunch ready etc? We then make an agreement on each of these things before he disappears up the stairs into the land that time forgot.

Selfish, especially when you’re pregnant! Does he do his fair share of parenting on weekday mornings?

DH likes lie ins and I like exercise: when DC were small we often did one weekend morning of parenting each, until noon, and whoever had DCs would also make lunch.

Very selfish behaviour. He should have a bath the night before once DC in bed. Or a quick shower that morning. He’s taking the piss.

Also why the hell is he wallowing in the bath for hours before going swimming? Wallow in the fucking pool instead, arsehole.

This thread is reminding me a bit of the one where the DH spent half an hour every day drying his body with a hairdryer . It's completely self indulgent and unnecessary and like many things when you have small dc, has to become a rare treat.

You have HG too? Wow.

He’s behaving like a wanker.

Suggest couples’ counselling with someone BACP qualified. Things are likely to get much worse after DC2 arrives, sadly.

If he didn't listen to me I'd cut the plug off the bath.

The fact he's responded with a nasty comment would suggest there's more going on here than him just being a bit selfish. Does he often talk to you in such a way?