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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DH's leisurely weekend morning routine?

255 replies

getoutofthebath · 29/04/2018 11:08

Every morning, unless he has to be up particularly early for work, DH has a bath lasting an hour or more. When we had our DC this habit didn't change.

The problem is that now we have a DC this just isn't working for anyone except DH. For example, this morning we planned to take DC swimming. But then DH goes up at about 9.30 for his bath. He's still up there at 11am. Meanwhile I'm stuck downstairs with DC every weekend morning wondering when the hell we're actually going to get out of the house. I'm also the one that has to get DC dressed and field constant requests for snacks/park/bubbles etc. What always happens is that DH emerges eventually at around 11.30 ready to go, while DC and I are bored shitless from waiting around for him and ready to eat lunch. DH doesn't understand that DC needs lunch by midday, so once we've waited for him to have his bath half the day is pretty much gone. DC is also much more active and engaged in morning activities than afternoon ones, so would get a lot more out of a morning swim than an afternoon one.

How the fuck is this current situation sustainable? I can, and do, often just take DC out by myself but I'm heavily pregnant atm so it's not quite as easy as it used to be. And how is this going to work when DC2 arrives? Am I going to spend my Sat/Sun mornings stuck downstairs with two DCs for up to two hours waiting for him while he wallows in the tub?! I'm a SAHM so these weekends are like a busmans holiday for me.

I've tried to discuss this with him, calmly, rationally, so many times. But he's never made any attempt to stop and engage with us all in the mornings. AIBU to lose my shit with him? If DC asks me for a snack one more time today I might explode.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 29/04/2018 11:25

Talk to him. If you don’t sort this out, it’ll carry on when the baby arrivals. Does he spend an hour in the bathroom on a work day?

NoSquirrels · 29/04/2018 11:25

You need a night-before discussion and agreement.

DH, tomorrow we need to be at swimming at 10am. So we need to be ready to leave at 9.30. What time are you getting up?

For DC2, I recommend you book DC1 into a Saturday morning activity that starts at 10, and stay in bed with the baby whilst your DH sorts DC1 out and takes him.

Fairenuff · 29/04/2018 11:26

Take the lock off the bathroom door. Send the dc in to hurry him up.

Dozer · 29/04/2018 11:27

Has he done this almost every weekend since DC was born?!

Do you have local friends or family to go and rest at? If so, an option would be to inform DH that since he has had way, way more than his fair share of weekend leisure time, to your and DC’s detriment, from next weekend he will be parenting DC in the mornings: you will be out.

Or would he leave DC unsupervised?

Iloveacurry · 29/04/2018 11:27

Just read your update, he sounds like a selfish shit.

Emily7708 · 29/04/2018 11:27

Such selfish behaviour. Why does he even need a bath before going swimming anyway? He sounds so entitled.

NoSquirrels · 29/04/2018 11:28

I’ve just spent an hour in the bath Grin

But my DC are older and entertain themselves, and we’re going out in the afternoon.

Your DH is very selfish if he’s comparing HG to his need for ‘time out’. He needs to step up. Be prepared to fight your corner.

Turkkadin · 29/04/2018 11:29

He is opting out of family life. I would cut the plug off the chain and throw it out to sea.

UpperWallop · 29/04/2018 11:32

Jesus, what a selfish twat of a man. Why the fuck should you have to micromanage his behaviour too, just to try and get anything done. Does he have any redeeming features op? Does he engage with you and the kids in other ways?

GnotherGnu · 29/04/2018 11:34

So what's his excuse?

UpperWallop · 29/04/2018 11:34

Unless someone is single, no kids, no responsibilities, ill, an elite athlete etc there is no excuse for regular hour long baths. I'd get the rage. Have a shower and hurry the fuck up about it.

tinytemper66 · 29/04/2018 11:34

I would just leave him to wallow in the bath and do things with the children.Take the car and go.
A selfish twit wouldn't stop me from enjoying time with my children.

Allergictoironing · 29/04/2018 11:37

You are ill, suffering to bring a child that is as much his as yours into the world, and he thinks this is a reasonable excuse for taking time out to indulge himself? Angry

If anything, if the pregnancy is making you ill he should be making MORE effort to help you out not less.

Sunshinegirl82 · 29/04/2018 11:37

How much does he do with the DC as it stands? No one needs a two hour bath every weekend morning especially BEFORE you go swimming so it's clearly just a way to get some time to himself.

How much time do you get to yourself over the weekend? I'd have thought 1 two hour block of alone time per weekend is reasonable provided that it's taken at a time that causes minimal disruption to the remainder of the family. For example, I'd imagine your DC naps after swimming/lunch so he could take his two hours over nap time.

He sounds like he's being a selfish arse. Is he generally selfish or is this a one off?

KirstenRaymonde · 29/04/2018 11:37

Shockingly selfish. I’m amazed you’ve let it go on so long, I’d have been outside the door banging it with a saucepan months ago. I love a bath, I can sit in the bath for hours, but he’s acting like he’s still childfree and he has to change now. Talking to him calmly clearly isn’t working, you need to dial it up. Or you’ll have to play him at his own game.

Stormy76 · 29/04/2018 11:39

Wow he is being selfish. Well he is going to get a huge shock when baby no 2 arrives because he will have to deal with one whilst you are dealing with the other. You could play him at his own game and just get in the bathroom before him and do what he does, particularly if he is being difficult when it's pointed out to him. There is always the option of making sure there is no hot water in the mornings at the weekend ......a bit harsh but who needs to bath for an hour before going swimming?

Do you get on well with his parents or siblings because I would get one of them round, tell them what's going on ....perhaps they could turn up when he is lazing about in the bath and turf him out of it. Sometimes you do have to shame them into behaving properly.

Mine plays up occasionally and I have told his mother in front of him what he has done and he has been told off because he was being an idiot. I did it yesterday in front of my parents and he didn't like it much but he is being a lazy git and he got stroppy because he knows it's true. I had to tell my son off because he puked all over the bathroom at his place and his girlfriend had to clean it up ......he had over indulged! He actually complained that she was 'in a bad mood' the lazy little git......he was left in no doubt of where my sympathies lay !

DiegoMadonna · 29/04/2018 11:39

I really REALLY don't understand how other people's relationships work when I read threads like these.

I would have told my OH this wasn't acceptable after first time. If he didn't listen, I would seriously lose my shit. What a waste of a morning.

Viviennemary · 29/04/2018 11:39

That is beyond selfish and horrible. I don't think I could put up with that. You should consider leaving IMHO.

BewareOfDragons · 29/04/2018 11:39

He's a selfish twat.

Get up early next Saturday morning, wake him up, deposit your DC into your bed with him, and tell him you're going out by yourself for a couple of hours.

Then leave the house. Don't return until 11:30. Even if it's just to drive a few blocks away and read a book in your car.

Repeat on Sunday if the message didn't get through on Saturday. You'll know this if he apologized for leaving you to it every single weekend or if he complained about you leaving.

Mary1935 · 29/04/2018 11:39

Hi OP you need to start going out without him. Leave the child with him though. He can bath in the evening when kids are in bed. Isn't he selfish.
Do you have family you can go to? Friends? Or when he gets out of the bath at 11.30 you go out alone then. Just ideas.
This is your future. Unless he wants to change I'd ask him to leave. You have asked him - told him - he ain't listening.
Yes another entitled man!!!!

Saz432 · 29/04/2018 11:39

Don’t send the kids in - he’s most likely wanking. I have one of these too. Drives me mad, especially we have only one toilet and I have gynae issues that mean I often need the loo at short notice.

When our kids arrived I basically told him that he needed to cut that shit out, and if a 90 minute “shower” was crucial, he could do it when the kids were in bed and not when I needed his help after looking after two kids singlehandedly all sodding week.

dailymailsucksbigtime · 29/04/2018 11:41

I can understand why he needs time- but this is not the right time. I have a long daily bath most days- unless I am on a long drive, or more recently I swim. It is my thinking time- about everything. When I didn't get this time for about 6 months I wasn't as on top of stuff and felt less able to cope. I plan everything in this time, think through work solutions etc.

But with little children my bath would be at 5 am before they got up or 11 at night after they had gone to bed.

Lalliella · 29/04/2018 11:41

If you can’t talk to him about it properly then show him this thread. Then he can read about how you feel and see the opinions. He is BVU. YANBU

dontticklethetoad · 29/04/2018 11:41

Urgh this has made me really bloody angry.

Selfish twat.

Also, who has a bath in the morning? Baths are for night time Wink

And why haven't you been banging on the door every 5 minutes to ask him when he's going to get out? You just need to make it an unpleasant experience for him.

I could cope with this one morning of a weekend but both is unacceptable.

Appuskidu · 29/04/2018 11:43

When our kids arrived I basically told him that he needed to cut that shit out, and if a 90 minute “shower” was crucial, he could do it when the kids were in bed and not when I needed his help after looking after two kids singlehandedly all sodding week.

This.

WTF is he playing at?!

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