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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell everyone when I'm in labour, DH livid

420 replies

ROTFLBSST · 27/04/2018 21:45

I'm currently overdue and experiencing the constant barrage from friends and family of 'any movements', 'baby on the way yet?' 'Make sure to tell us when you're off to hospital'. I know it's a reflection of people caring but still...it's infuriating.

It's our first DC so wanted us to have some time (say half a day) as a three before telling everyone, said this to DH last night and he went quiet saying his family had asked to know when we're on the way to the hospital so they can pray for us. Explained that I want us to focus on the birth (hard to avoid I know) and not social media and left it at that. When making dinner this eve I raised it again and he was livid, said I didn't push last night but he doesn't understand why I don't want his family to know. They care and it's happy news why keep it from them? He's adamant on telling them when things kick off.

I really get on well with his family so it's not that at all. I'm not planning on telling any of my friends or family either until little one is here and we're all OK. I'm also a lot more private than my DH though to be fair, I don't like our news being spread like gossip.

Aibu to ask him to do this for me? I realise it's an event for us both but in the reverse situation I know I'd respect his wishes.

OP posts:
Plumsofwrath · 27/04/2018 21:47

I don’t see the problem in letting them know if all they’re going to do is pray. It’s not like they’re going to pitch up at the hospital, is it?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/04/2018 21:47

Imo it's your body, your choice.

BrandNewHouse · 27/04/2018 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2018 21:48

YANBU.

“Livid” when you’re the one who uncomfortable and facing labour is a joke. Tell him to pull his head out of his arse.

I can’t see him not telling them whatever you say, so maybe turn your phone off when things get going if you think they’ll be bothering you.

Will put you in a tricky spot with your own family if he does though.

Hope it all goes well for you.

outofmydepth45 · 27/04/2018 21:48

Let him deal with the telling and managing. You'll be busy, just ensure you have time to yourselves after as a compromise.

In 6 months you won't care and you are unlikely to get the same if you have a second etc.

Feb2018mumma · 27/04/2018 21:48

Only had a short labour in early hours so not the best to advise, but we didn't tell anyone, let everyone know after baby was born and they visited that day. You aren't thinking about calling people while in labour, just about getting through it!

AskMeHow · 27/04/2018 21:49

You don't want him distracted answering texts and phone calls from his family about how it's going when he should be concentrating on you. I see his point though, he's excited. Maybe you could compromise and he can tell one or two members of his family with strict instructions a) not to spread it outside immediate family (parents, siblings) and b) not to expect any further communication until the baby is born so don't bother getting in touch.

Merryoldgoat · 27/04/2018 21:49

I don’t really understand how them knowing when it starts impacts you I suppose...

They aren’t going to be there and you don’t have to tell them yourself.

Your DH will be there with you but might need some support and having a family member on the end of the phone might be helpful.

I don’t think YABU exactly, but I don’t see why letting them know is an issue.

picklemepopcorn · 27/04/2018 21:50

I think it's a bit unreasonable to tell no one. You could make clear, no visitors until day x.
DH may want the support of knowing his family are praying for you all. If he needed to ask for support at any time- say labour went on a long time and he needed fresh clothes bringing, then it will be easier if family know.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/04/2018 21:50

If his parents do just want to pray, and otherwise leave you and sm alone, I can see why they'd be upset not to know.

Casmama · 27/04/2018 21:50

I think if your DH is religious and his family would leave you in peace until you call to announce the arrival then YABU. Otherwise I can understand where you are coming from.

Sengah · 27/04/2018 21:50

I fully understand OP. My in-laws would be texting and calling frequently for updates and then putting pressure on to visit and around the time of delivery and early on w new baby all I felt like was privacy and immediate family. Your OH should respect this, as should they.

HollowTalk · 27/04/2018 21:50

You're bringing a baby into a family. They're all rooting for you. Of course they'll talk about you - they'll be praying and worrying and all that but they will enjoy doing it!

It wouldn't do you any harm to have your husband send one text to one person saying, "We're going in now. My phone's going to be switched off and I'll let you know when it's all over. Don't panic!"

Then he could send another text when the baby's born to say it's all gone well and he'll be in touch about visits because you're very tired.

MorelloKisses · 27/04/2018 21:50

I think it’s fine for them to know. I think we often feel a bit over precious with our first and there isn’t a need to (unless of course his family are boundary-less narcissists).

Best of luck

Shizzlestix · 27/04/2018 21:51

As long as they don’t then turn up en masse to the hospital, then what’s the problem? You sound very controlling, OP. Why is your dh not allowed to tell his family you’re in labour? It’s his baby too.

NapQueen · 27/04/2018 21:51

All you can do is control what you say/share. He is a grown man and if he insists on telling his parents then what can you do about it?

Get onto your Facebook now and tighten up your privacy so no one can post on your wall or tag you in any posts.

By all means dont tell your own folks. But you cant force him not to tell his (though I would also like to keep things to myself am aware my dh may choose differently).

mummabubs · 27/04/2018 21:52

Your body, your choice. And as someone who also went overdue (by 2 weeks!) and didn't want anyone else to know I was in labour... it can take a long time for things to get going and then for baby to appear, you don't want to have to be phaffing about updating relatives as to progress, and nor will your DH. They can surely pray for you in general for when things get going??? If you view it as a hospital stay and procedure then it's your health and therefore your right to who knows what and when.

Corcra · 27/04/2018 21:53

It's a pity it's such an issue, you should be just focussing on this happy time.
We decided not to tell anyone on our first. I'd my phone turned off and was in my own little bubble anyway. We ran our parents that night. It was lovely.
But if it meant a lot to dh, I don't think I'd have minded, it wouldn't have affect me really.
Livid? Seems like such an over reaction. I hope ye can work it out. Enjoy this time.

Corcra · 27/04/2018 21:54

*rang our parents

FannyFaceAche · 27/04/2018 21:55

A new baby in the family is a massive deal and they care about you, they want to pray for you and your new little family. Your DH might want the support. Please just cut him/them a bit of slack. It is really pissing annoying being so overdue and people ask the most enraging stuff ever but sometimes you need to just let stuff go. Concentrate on yourself and baby.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 27/04/2018 21:56

Tell him he can tell them but they’re not to breathe a word to anyone else or go anywhere near social media with YOUR news. They are not to turn up at the hospital, YOU will inform them when baby is here and YOU will let the rest of the world know YOUR news when YOU are ready.

And they will not be turning up unannounced at your house afterwards either. You will receive guests when YOU are ready, not when they want to see baby. And when they do turn up, you will not be lifting a finger and if they want to stay longer than five minutes they will be making you a cup of tea.

Rant over. Good luck!

captainbizz · 27/04/2018 21:57

I think as PP have said a quick message from him to his mum saying "it's started, will update when I can" as long as they're not coming to the hospital REALLY what is the problem??

And I hate this whole 'your body your choice'. It's both of your babies and DH is (hopefully) as excited and nervous as you are and might like that support knowing that his family are praying for you. If they're not bothering you why do you care?

Storm4star · 27/04/2018 21:57

Honestly I would be upset if my adult DC were going into labour and didn’t let me know. I wouldn’t ask for or expect constant updates as i’d Know that clearly they were busy! Nor would I turn up at the hospital. But this a huge life event and your DH sending them a quick message to let them know it’s started won’t even affect you. I think your being selfish tbh.

espoleta · 27/04/2018 21:58

I wish we hadn't told anyone when I went into labour. My biggest regret was the constant calling texting whatsapping. All while trying to push a bowling ball out!

gillybeanz · 27/04/2018 21:58

i'd tell him to ring yours and his parents only and then turn your phones off.

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