Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell everyone when I'm in labour, DH livid

420 replies

ROTFLBSST · 27/04/2018 21:45

I'm currently overdue and experiencing the constant barrage from friends and family of 'any movements', 'baby on the way yet?' 'Make sure to tell us when you're off to hospital'. I know it's a reflection of people caring but still...it's infuriating.

It's our first DC so wanted us to have some time (say half a day) as a three before telling everyone, said this to DH last night and he went quiet saying his family had asked to know when we're on the way to the hospital so they can pray for us. Explained that I want us to focus on the birth (hard to avoid I know) and not social media and left it at that. When making dinner this eve I raised it again and he was livid, said I didn't push last night but he doesn't understand why I don't want his family to know. They care and it's happy news why keep it from them? He's adamant on telling them when things kick off.

I really get on well with his family so it's not that at all. I'm not planning on telling any of my friends or family either until little one is here and we're all OK. I'm also a lot more private than my DH though to be fair, I don't like our news being spread like gossip.

Aibu to ask him to do this for me? I realise it's an event for us both but in the reverse situation I know I'd respect his wishes.

OP posts:
Fridasfridgefreezer · 27/04/2018 21:58

They can prey for you without specifically knowing.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/04/2018 21:58

If they aren’t the types to rush to the hospital when not wanted and simply want to pray for you then what’s the harm, think you are being a bit precious, you can still have time just the three of you and delay visitors.

DustyOwl · 27/04/2018 21:58

I understand your annoyance, my DS1 was the first grandchild/nephew/niece on either side. We had lots of interested parties.
However I know that DH really appreciated the support so he could support me. I didn't have a clue (or care) once it finally got going. He was (secretly) very scared before hand and during. He had someone to show his fears to so he could be brave in front of me (I have just asked him!)

Fridasfridgefreezer · 27/04/2018 21:59

*pray

Blondephantom · 27/04/2018 21:59

Could you suggest going to the hospital to confirm labour before contacting family? You could say you want to be sure the baby is on the way rather than risk a false alarm. By the time the hospital has you settled and checked then more than likely your hubby will be too busy supporting you to call them.

I’d also talk to him to see what he had in mind. People calling for updates is not helpful. He needs to concentrate on supporting you and you need to concentrate on safely delivering a baby. Stress is not good for a labouring mum and people asking if baby is here or why is it taking so long can be stressful.

NapQueen · 27/04/2018 21:59

This is why I love my MIL. "Dont tell me its started or I will be fretting all day. Once youve had a bit of a rest and feel up to it, let me know the baby is here."

Lush.

danigrace · 27/04/2018 22:00

Maybe as a compromise you can let them know it's happening so they can pray and tell them phones are going off now so you can just be together with no distractions and you'll call them when they have a new addition? Then that second call can be when you've settled in?

Urubu · 27/04/2018 22:00

Could you compromise? He can tell close family members but he then agrees to turn his phone off until x hours after the birth. And he also tells them not to turn up as the hospital unanounced, not to spread it on social media etc,

Sengah · 27/04/2018 22:02

NapQueen she sounds lovely. Jealous.

Happygummibear · 27/04/2018 22:03

I was in "labour" for 4 days... everyone knew.... my db sat with me through contractions while watching game of thrones. My SIL came over and distracted me.... I stood in the chip shop having contractions.... sometimes you can't help but let people know.

However I don't see any harm in people knowing. They will realise it takes a while so won't form a line out the hospital and should respect your wishes for visiting.

It was a good distraction for my DH answering messages... kept him alert.

Mightymucks · 27/04/2018 22:04

I would tell them. You may possibly need support afterwards, particularly if things don’t go quite to plan. It’s good to prewarn.

Juells · 27/04/2018 22:05

I'd be pissed with him as well, but maybe compromise that he can (as others have suggested) text one person from each family to let them know it's started, and that he'll be turning his phone off until there's news. I'd go ballistic if there was constant texting and whatsapping going on, it's very intrusive.

glowinglady · 27/04/2018 22:05

Can't they pray anyway at any time regardless of when you tell them? They presumably know your due date. They don't need to pray at the exact time your in labour do they.

bananasplits50 · 27/04/2018 22:06

When I went into labour with my 1st DC I didn't even think about calling/texting anyone. Everyone got a call after my DS was born. Is your DH family the type that will turn up?

JustOneMan · 27/04/2018 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/04/2018 22:07

Not sure what the big deal is OP. I had a planned c-section so all knew when my son was due and it was fine.

Sturmundcalm · 27/04/2018 22:07

There is no "right" way to handle this but your views take priority IMO.

My H ended up in trouble with my mum for not getting in touch as soon as I'd had the baby but I'd been in labour for over 2 days, and was being taken to theatre with reassurances that I should just be 40mins so he waited till he could say "all's well" - except that he couldn't and instead was phoning to say they should come (500 miles).

Having recently been "the partner" it's not helpful to feel under pressure to tell other folk what's going on. I think he's being slightly daft to want to tell folk before you've even got to the hospital! And I say that as someone who got sent away first time we went in...

TheBlueDot · 27/04/2018 22:08

It’s a new member of their family too. I’d be pleased that they would want to pray. It’s hardly interfering, unless you’re going to drip feed that they would come and camp out at the hospital.

Your DH could let them know you’re in labour and tell them there will be no updates until baby has arrived. Maybe he wants them to know you’re in labour in case something goes wrong (I hope not) and he needs support.

DoryNora · 27/04/2018 22:10

I didn't want anyone knowing when I was in labour. I didn't want any distractions of people checking up on how things were going or anyone getting worried if it was a long labour. It's a very personal thing and you are the one having to do the hard and painful work.

Charliecatpaws · 27/04/2018 22:10

Going into labour is not gossip, I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to let family know that it’s started, unless they are really pushy and you expect them to turn up st the birth - to me that would be a no no, all they want to do is pray for you. I’m not saying you are being unreasonable but from being pregnant I know that hormones can play a part. Wishing you all the best with your forthcoming arrival

Mybabystolemysanity · 27/04/2018 22:10

Biggest regret from last birth was not having time alone as three of us (midwives and health problems rather than over intrusive family). I think it's one of the most important things you can do, to say please no visitors until x and kick them out again in reasonable time. If they can be respectful of your wishes I can't see the harm in telling them once labour is properly underway.

NorthernLurker · 27/04/2018 22:11

Just think op, in thirty years time or so it could be you being the parent who doesn't get told. It's really not very nice. Just tell them it's kicked off and then switch phones off.

ANameforToday · 27/04/2018 22:11

My DSis didn't tell anyone until DC was born as she knew PIL's would have left for the hospital as soon as they had the call. If they're just going to stay home and pray then it won't do any harm but I think DH being livid is a massive overreaction. Good luck OP.

Charliecatpaws · 27/04/2018 22:12

Perhaps I have a different view as I had 2 planned c sections so grandparents were poised to visit 😆

smithsinarazz · 27/04/2018 22:14

Your body. Your choice. As for social media - yes, Facebook want us to think that if something doesn't pop up as a "memory" it didn't really happen, but they would, wouldn't they?
I know, I know, this is just an updated version of the situation in the past when the women of the village would all cluster round the labouring woman's bed and sit there knitting or whatever while she was in extremis, but, IMHO, nobody has an absolute right to know that you are naked, screaming and covered in bodily fluids.
Maybe you could have the baby, then tell them you're in labour, and give them half a day or so to pray for you and then tell them it's born and they can come in now. They'd be amazed at how efficacious the prayers have been; you'll look so much better than you ought to.
I say all this, but immediately after DS was born my mum went buzzing round taking photos of me with a shocked expression on my chloasma-covered face and a sticky baby slapped on my naked chest, so I didn't really get too much of the decorum and privacy myself :D

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.