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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've identified someone on here

248 replies

ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:18

I've identified someone on here, I 100% know that it's her, there is no doubt. Do I tell her? She's my DH's ex-wife and she has a lot to say about him and me! She unfortunately has given away a little too much of herself. It's really quite amusing to read, but do I tell her I know, would IBU not to? She's not been pleasant about me and it's good to know how she really feels, so i'm tempted to stay undercover.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 28/04/2018 10:16

WHy on earth would you say anything? She comes on here (entirely legitimately) to ask if she’s being unreasonable. It’s not her fault/problem that you’ve managed to suss out who she is. If she’s obnoxious to you in reality / to your face then you have every right to retaliate, but this is an anonymous forum.

Rachie1973 · 28/04/2018 10:18

At a guess I'd assume you want to go to parents evening, she doesn't want you to. I'll let her know.

SparklyMagpie · 28/04/2018 10:39

@Rachie1973 that's what I was also thinking

MissWilmottsGhost · 28/04/2018 10:40

No I have never stalked someone on the internet.

If I recognised someone on here I wouldn't gleefully trawl through their private life. I wouldn't think "aha I can use this to have power over them" like some PPs have suggested.

I think it's horrible, like something school bullies would do.

RainySeptember · 28/04/2018 10:41

You can't be certain it's her. I've read posts on here and thought they sounded like me! I remember one that was about such a unique and specific set of circumstances that I thought any rl friends reading it would be certain it was me. If this poster is saying 'untrue things' about you and your dp, it almost certainly isn't her. Nobody would bother asking for advice and then presenting untrue details, what would be the point.

tweetweet2 · 28/04/2018 10:49

I'd have great fun giving advice on her threads!

SandyY2K · 28/04/2018 11:00

I wouldn't gleefully trawl through their private life

Like I said you can't expect privacy on a public forum.

It's not trawling through her privacy...she's put it out there for the whole world to see.

If she were smarter she'd have changed key details to make herself unidentifiable.

The OP hasn't hacked into her journal/private diary.

It's like people who complain someone (usually the Ex or the OW) is reading her blog. When you blog it's out there for all and sundry.

It's really not that difficult to understand. I just sense some guilt from pp who may have done what the Ex has done.

Tips for not being outed.

Change:
• your age
• Number of DC
• Age of the DC
• Location
• Duration of marriage/ R'ship
• Gender of the DC

But be consistent with your changes .. otherwise you'll trip up on yourself and other pp will pick up on it and doubt your story and call you out on being a troll..as they like to do.

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 28/04/2018 11:10

Haha @Rachie1973 , I can think of much better ways to spend my evenings than at a oarent's evening! Not my idea of a rockin night out! I leave that to their mum and dad!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatethedentist · 28/04/2018 11:13

@rainyseptember it is her! She has even posted a name on one occasion.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 28/04/2018 11:24

There are many people with the same name, though, so, unless it's a very unusual name, you still can't be sure. I think you're determined to be right because you are 100% enjoying thinking you have one over on the ex, and you're not coming across well at all really. Hmm

GrandTheftWalrus · 28/04/2018 11:34

I know DPs ex wife used to use mumsnet as he told me. But he also said it was many years ago so I have no idea if she still does etc.

Not that I would ever say anything bad about her.

And I doubt she would post anything about me if she does still use it.

sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 28/04/2018 11:46

Once you put anything in a public forum, it’s fair game.
It’s surprising to me how many people from other forums (several different ones) use the same names here and are instantly identifiable.

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 28/04/2018 11:48

Thanks @Lizzie48 there are still some who are determined i'm wrong and will take no convincing (same name, job, home town, children's ages, school, hobby, meeting of boyfriend - I could go on). I'm not sure why i'm "not coming across well" i'm trying to answer the questions raised as honestly as I can. All i'm doing is reading someone's posts. The fact she's made herself identifiable is not really my fault is it?

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 11:49

Ooooooo! No! Definitely not!
Hours of fun to be had here! Grin

GrandTheftWalrus · 28/04/2018 11:56

When I first joined mumsnet many moons ago I used to same username I use on different forums. Soon changed that lol.

RainySeptember · 28/04/2018 11:58

I hope it's not her. I love the idea of you obsessively reading the posts of an internet random.

Scabbersley · 28/04/2018 12:00

I would probably deregister for a bit. It can't do your mental health any good stalking someone on mumsnet.

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 12:02

Oh god! I would love it!
Finding someone slagging me off.
Don't tell her OP!
Hours of fun!

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 28/04/2018 12:09

@RainySpetember - I hope you have a lovely day!

OP posts:
feelinggoodinspring · 28/04/2018 12:19

I hope it's not her. I love the idea of you obsessively reading the posts of an internet random

Bet you wouldn't be saying the same if the op was an ex wife who has identified her children's stepmum.

Let's face it, the op is only getting stick because of who she is and who she's spotted!

ilovesooty · 28/04/2018 12:44

I'm not sure why I'm not coming across well

You aren't but nothing anyone says is likely to change your mind.
Several other posters aren't coming across well either imo.

SandyY2K · 28/04/2018 12:54

I'm not sure why i'm "not coming across well"

You come across fine.

I suspect there's a lot of projection from the Ex wives.... many racking their brains and reading their old threads to see if they've given away too much identifying info.

you have every right to retaliate

I didnt see anything about retaliation.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2018 12:58

Imyan ex wife. I'm the one who left. I don't say a lot about it and as it happens I don't much care if anyone spots me who knows me in real life either, so no projecting going on here.
I think the OP and a few other posters are coming over very unpleasantly and I have every right to think that.

DanceDisaster · 28/04/2018 13:03

I’m not an ex-w, but this sort of thing is why I name change a lot.

WhiskeySourpuss · 28/04/2018 13:03

@ihatethedentist

She's given away too much personal stuff, including a name on one occasion so there's no doubt.

Must be a mighty unusual name... Hmm

DS has an unusual name - only male one in Scotland since at least 2000 weirdly I knew the parent of the only female one years ago so I'd be outing myself I mentioned that but generally names aren't that outing