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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give this 12 year old toast and jam?

267 replies

listsandbudgets · 27/04/2018 16:27

DD has a friend home for tea. We nearly always have pasta on a Friday so tonight is pesto pasta, garlic bread and greek salad... I did ask her mum in advance if she had any dislikes or allergies and was told she wasn't keen on cheese but would eat anything else.

This girl now says she does not like ... pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup... running out of options of things to offer her... she's asked if we can just get something from the chippy or chinese and I've said no...

so AIBU to serve up toast, jam and an apple. and tell her mum that was all I could get her to eat?

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 27/04/2018 21:34

little brat? She settled for pasta with frigging ketchup. Hardly brat like behaviour

After refusing a liad of other stuff and demanding a takeaway!
She only admitted to liking that after she was refused a takeaway. She could have said that in the first place when offered half a dozen options.

Cornettoninja · 27/04/2018 21:40

Why are people saying there's no way you'd taste Parmesan in pesto because of the basil? Why the fuck is it an ingredient in it then? Some of you lot are bonkers.

Fwiw the only bit of the op I think is worthy of comment is the take away request but to be honest I'd just put that down to immature social skills and cheerfully refuse and keep the alternative offers open. Not my job to educate a dinner guest - simply to fill 'em up if they'll let me and not make a drama if they won't.

ShapelyBingoWing · 27/04/2018 21:54

Requesting a takeaway appears rude on the surface, particularly to us adults. But actually if a takeaway is a frequently relied upon option at home then a 12 year old may well not realise that it's not something most households eat often and that it's rude to request it.

I had a friend growing up and when I went to her house I was amazed at how often one or more of them didn't want what was being cooked so were given a few quid for the chippy instead. It was normal for them.

ShapelyBingoWing · 27/04/2018 21:55

And yep, pesto is very cheesy. One of the main ingredients is a very strong cheese. Those of you who can't taste it are weird Wink

colditz · 27/04/2018 21:57

My children haven't had pesto before, because I have a nut allergy

LoniceraJaponica · 27/04/2018 21:58

All I can taste in pesto is the basil. We buy Sacla vegetarian pesto BTW.

goose1964 · 27/04/2018 22:02

It's possible that she hadn't had pesto or Greek salad. I was amazed how little different foods my son in law had actually tried. His parents only ever have pizza margarita, never had roast pork, a curry meant korma from a jar etc. He was initially wary of some of our family staples but he always offers to try, the only thing he can't handle is our curries because he still can't handle the heat.

Wallywobbles · 27/04/2018 22:10

I'd say there's pasta or hunger as another option. She won't die from one missed meal. She won't be making the same error twice.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/04/2018 22:13

But actually if a takeaway is a frequently relied upon option at home then a 12 year old may well not realise that it's not something most households eat often and that it's rude to request it. Isn't that part of bringing up children? Teaching them what would be seen as rude?

ShapelyBingoWing · 27/04/2018 22:17

Isn't that part of bringing up children? Teaching them what would be seen as rude?

In my household it is, as is it in most. But the fact is that some families have far less of a focus on social niceties than others. And of course, what's considered rude varies between cultures and social groups.

FoxInABox · 27/04/2018 22:19

We’ve had a child over for tea who behaved like this. She told me she was allergic to something, which her mother told me afterwards when I asked that she wasn’t, she asked for certain foods (McDonald’s for tea) then decided there was something wrong with each item, even down to the drink, and ice cream despite them being her choices so she didn’t have much of anything. Later asked for something at home so I checked she liked it after the earlier palaver, brought it in to her and she smirked at me and said ‘I don’t like them’. There were other behaviours on top of that which meant at that point I decided it was time to go home!

parkermoppy · 27/04/2018 22:20

I understand how it may be the norm for this little girl and hence her not realising its rude. But that is another reason why her mum should be told about it in a nice way, or she won't learn that it's rude to ask.

I don't think the girl has done anything majorly wrong but social skills at 12 should definitely be a little better

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 22:23

I think the poster upthread who said it could have been the OP's DD that suggested she ask for the takeaway is probably bang on, given how polite the friend was in the end.

TryingToGetHome · 28/04/2018 07:37

When my dd was 5 she was invited to a friend's for a playdate. They had pasta with tomato sauce and my friend served cheddar with it. My dd asked for parmesan as cheddar was not the right cheese to serve with pasta! (Dh is passionate about cheese - so my dcs were very precocious on this subject) My friend found it very funny and she told me - I was mortified and of course I had a chat with dd about just politely eating what you are given. Someone else may have clutching their pearls at my dd's rudeness and wondering why I hadn't taught her better manners and the simple reason would be - I didn't know my dd didn't know.
The op should tell the mum in a light hearted way - that the 12 year old asked for a take away, give parents a chance to teach their child good manners.

Anewhope · 28/04/2018 07:50

I think it was incredibly cheeky to ask for a takeaway.

But then I've only just started having my Dds friends over so I don't have much experience. We're veggie in our house so I always hope they like pizza or pasta, it's just easier isn't it. Then I say the rules are that we have to have one vegetable with their dinner but they can choose which one they want. Same goes for fruit with pudding.

TryingToGetHome · 28/04/2018 08:02

Then I say the rules are that we have to have one vegetable with their dinner That's a bit much imo - forcing kids to eat veg. I cook what ever the visiting child's favourite food is - they are a guest and I want them to feel relaxed and enjoy what they eat just as I would want a visiting adult to feel.

bakingaddict · 28/04/2018 08:10

If your having kids over just make something they’ll all like. All these rules, you must have veggies or fruit it’s supposed to be a relaxed fun night for the kids outside of the normal weekly meal routine, eating food shouldn’t be uptight. A good host will consider the preferences of their guests and plan a meal accordingly. On balance the OP’s menu was going to cause some issue to a child that didn’t like cheese

PenelopeFlintstone · 28/04/2018 08:11

Why would she 'expect' a take away when invited to dinner as the 'norm'? Most people dont have takeaways as a regular meal.

Plenty of people have a takeaway every Friday, myself included. I don't cook Fridays or Saturdays. She might have thought she was giving you an obvious solution! How much is a portion of chips these days?

Also, we do sleepovers on weekends so kids staying at my house always get given takeaway, so it's not that unusual a request.

Idontdowindows · 28/04/2018 08:24

I"m scratching my head at all the "just get her what she likes" and "it's not rude it's a teachable moment".

She's 12. By that age you KNOW it's rude to refuse all food offered and it's rude to ask that the host provide the exact meal you want.

She's not 4, she's 12. She's a teenager. By now these basics should be down pat.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/04/2018 08:34

Why would you go to the effort to ask waht she likes and then serve the only thing you know she doesn't

Good point. The girl will go home and tell her mother what she had for tea because everyone else was having pesto and Greek salad and will no doubt roll her eyes because she'd already explained her DD won't eat cheese.

Then she will start a thread on MN asking if she's BU to be annoyed that her DD was offered food with cheese in it after explaining she doesn't like it. Wink

Willow2017 · 28/04/2018 08:35

How much is a portion of chips these days?
Its not just the £3 for chips (i am sure she would have meant more than a poke of chips for herself) its the going to get it, waiting in a queue, getting home while your family are sitting waiting on thier own tea to be ready or tucking in to thier tea while you ferry guest around and yours gets cold.

SoupDragon · 28/04/2018 08:38

demanding a takeaway

She did not demand a takeaway.

Billben · 28/04/2018 08:46

I hesitate to say this, but in the past my dc have known people at whose houses I would not want to have eaten.Does your hygiene leave something to be desired?

🙄

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/04/2018 08:47

I imagine, both of the girls secretly plotted the take away suggestion, it's really no big deal OP.

LiteraryDevil · 28/04/2018 08:56

Willow £3 for chips???