Are my friends unreasonable?

[Lilyvonschtup]

Hi all

So my baby shower was planned by my sister (this was last September) and she organised a lovely afternoon tea. She messaged all of my friends and family to tell them that their deposit was £5 for theirs but any donations (£1 or £2 each) towards banners/decorations and a bouquet for me would be welcome but there was no pressure.

All but 2 of my friends said they couldn’t go (to my sister, they never told me) without explanation. My sister was embarrassed and asked me if I’d fallen out with them. Not having a clue what was going on, I went to my best friend (who was still going) and asked what was going on. She told me they were all offended that they were asked for a donation and refused to go on principle.

I then had to go back to my sister and explain but I made it clear that I didn’t want any fuss and I didn’t want her to change anything for their sake but neither did I want anything spent on my account.

I can’t help but feel that my friends put me in a horrible situation over a poxy £1 or 2.

I uninvited them myself before they had a chance to tell me anything themselves but now I’m not sure where are friendships lie. Do I want them as friends? This is coming up now because it’s one of their hen dos and I’m being asked for £250 for my part. I don’t mind spending on friends but I’m the only one out of them with a mortgage and a family.

Any help would be appreciated. X

Lizzie48 I agree and I also genuinely don’t understand why people would see the OP in a poor light.

She’s been crystal clear as far as I’m concerned with her posts. She has come across as a thoughtful person. She didn’t have an expensive wedding as some have suggested, when her friends suggested doing a spa weekend that would cost everyone £175 each she said that was far too expensive for people and the suggestion of an afternoon tea was agreed to instead (with the agreement of her friends as well), saving her friends a lot of money.
She wasn’t the one who mentioned donations for flowers to her friends, her sister did and her sister made it clear that it was completely voluntary. And even then this was only £1-£2. A supremely minimal amount along with the afternoon tea/optional gift costs, in comparison to the £175 they were all wanting to spend in the first place!

Her friends haven’t even bothered to advise the OP or her sister themselves that they wouldn’t be going to the afternoon tea. Instead her other friend has had to tell the OP why these other girls cancelled. And they backed out knowing full well the OP’s sister had paid deposits for them all for the afternoon tea out of her own pocket. Money she paid for them that they were supposed to pay back.

It has come across to me from the very begnning that her friends are the unreasonable ones here. I don’t see anywhere that the OP has behaved inappropriately or an in unreasonable way at all.