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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry with housemate

264 replies

boywiththebrokensmile · 26/04/2018 23:52

So for the past yr i have lived in a house share in Cornwall, I am 28 and my housemate is a woman in her mid 40s. We get on ok but she is quite bitter [bitter at been alone, fallout with her family, hates house sharing....] She is quite territorial and has no life really, she obsesses over the other couple that live with us and hates them like she did to the couple before. 1 night they had a few friends over and she went mad to me, i told her it was a houseshare and they did not do it often and they were all gone by ten and she was been unreasonable. She acts like it is her house.

Anyway, a few weeks back, i had three mates over[1st time ever having ppl back,]. She even moaned about that saying she would have stayed elsewhere if she had known. They were staying the night and we went to the pub for 1 drink, we got home round ten and she was sitting in the front room. We all walked in but when we saw her walked back out, she was sitting watching shit tv and I would not mind but she hardly ever sits in there and she sat on. We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides] and let me chat to my mates who i had not seen in yunks. Eventually i took my friends in and she sat on, it was so uncomfortable, i eventually asked her could we watch something on telly and she made a joke of it and said ok and went to bed. But the thing is i think she clearly did that deliberately to deter me taking ppl back to the house again, any normal person would have went up to their room and given me the front room [which i hardly use] for the evening when i had mates over but she imposed and i feel angry over it. What do you think?

OP posts:
mebeforeyou · 28/04/2018 21:48

It’s a house-share - no guest has any right to occupy and be entertained in any communal room in the property and expect the other rent-payers to disappear to their room.

I house-shared for 12 years and lived with all sorts of different people. Ultimately you are sharing a property and do not have the right to tell or expect a housemate to go to their room or another communal room because you wish to entertain guests. If this approach doesn’t agree with you then you may wish to consider living alone if you can afford to.

Queenoftheblitz · 28/04/2018 21:57

Op sounds like you did a bit of people pleasing because you didn't want to get on the wrong side of her. You can see now she sees you as malleable.

AbsentmindedWoman · 28/04/2018 22:24

I have lots of sympathy with you, trapped in a nightmare house share because money. Also pleased for you that you managed to get away on holiday despite your financial constraints - everyone deserves a break and being strapped for cash is fucking relentlessly draining.

However, I also feel for your house mate, even though she sounds very difficult. It would be my worst nightmare to be in a big house share in my forties, especially with a couple.

I think in the current market it is really hard for people to establish their own proper home, independent of others. It's really crap.

Lizzie48 · 28/04/2018 22:33

I feel sorry for the couple as well. It must be hard for them, as there won't be much privacy in a house-share situation. The whole setup is quite clearly a recipe for disaster. All because of the housing market as well, it's so not right the way it is now. Sad

AbsentmindedWoman · 28/04/2018 22:54

That's a fair point about the couple - it must be a nightmare for them! Ugh. It just sucks for everyone.

Abbylee · 29/04/2018 04:06

Best of luck. I HATE sharing my home space with not family.

As others said, check with landlord to see if you can move out sooner?

Try really hard not to plug-in to her craziness. She sounds nuts...and a little scary.

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 29/04/2018 06:22

YABU

If you live in a houseshare you don't have the space to be inviting people to stay over. Coming back at 10pm with a group of people and expecting me to fuck off? I'd tell you where to go...

RabbityMcRabbit · 29/04/2018 09:47

You and your friends basically bullied her into vacating the lounge for your benefit. Nice. Perhaps, if you note that she's bitter, you could try being a bit more compassionate towards her. There must be a back story there which you are choosing to ignore. You're being very mean and unreasonable imo but you'll probably disagree given your previous postings on this thread.

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 10:06

''You and your friends basically bullied her into vacating the lounge for your benefit. Nice. ''

yea so you think it is ok for her to try to get me into a plan to ruin the night for the couples guests on Wednesday?? Yea i feel so sorry for her....

OP posts:
ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 29/04/2018 11:03

OP why have you posted in AIBU if you don't believe you are. Are you just looking for others to join you in slagging off your roomate?

If you want to have friends stay over, get your own place.

Rosieposy4 · 29/04/2018 11:12

Your story makes no sense at all. You claim to be both 28 and 33 simultaneously. You live in Cornwall yet live close to an airport for transatlantic travel.
You have no money yet miraculously you have a friend who has enough free air miles ( or equivalent) to fly 4 people to Boston and back.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 29/04/2018 11:49

I thought you were in america yet you saw her today? And you have £16 in your bank account but still chose to travel (which even with free flights and accommodation would cost a fair bit)
I have met people like her before, she sounds bitter and like not a very nice person. I still think you were being unreasonable. You don't like her, fine, but she still has every right to sit in the living room watching shite telly and unless you had actually asked her then YABU.
You let her get in the way of your time with friends, you could easily have stayed in the kitchen or your room away from her but you chose to sit in the living room where she was and try and passive aggressively get her to leave.
You bitched about the other couple to her but some how your bitching is okay, hers isn't. You both sound as bad as each other tbh

PoorYorick · 29/04/2018 12:05

This story's got more plotholes than Star Wars.

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 12:09

''You bitched about the other couple to her but some how your bitching is okay, hers isn't. You both sound as bad as each other tbh''

there is a difference over having a laugh over somebody's mannerisms over silly things which is what i was doing to her making huge insults and hateful, offensive comments about them. I would do things like impersonate the girl's accent or laugh about arguments i heard them having over petty things like what to eat for dinner, hardly a massive bitching. She was shooting venom. Big difference.

OP posts:
boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 12:11

''You claim to be both 28 and 33 simultaneously. You live in Cornwall yet live close to an airport for transatlantic travel.''

where did i say i was 33? we flew to dublin then flew transatlantic-connecting flight....

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 29/04/2018 12:12

there is a difference over having a laugh over somebody's mannerisms over silly things which is what i was doing to her making huge insults and hateful, offensive comments about them. I would do things like impersonate the girl's accent or laugh about arguments i heard them having over petty things like what to eat for dinner, hardly a massive bitching.

Making fun of someone's accent is snobbish at best and racist at worst. Hearing someone having an argument with their partner and laughing about it is sheer nastiness.

PoorYorick · 29/04/2018 12:12

there is a difference over having a laugh over somebody's mannerisms over silly things which is what i was doing to her making huge insults and hateful, offensive comments about them. I would do things like impersonate the girl's accent or laugh about arguments i heard them having over petty things like what to eat for dinner, hardly a massive bitching.

Making fun of someone's accent is snobbish at best and racist at worst. Hearing someone having an argument with their partner and laughing about it is sheer nastiness.

26mcjrfm · 29/04/2018 12:19

"sigh... people have clearly not read the op clearly, she sat there with the volume blaring and quiet- had we chatted she was ready to embarrass me and ask for silence, this was not her wanting to watch tv or been lonely- she wanted to create discomfort. Had they spoken to her she'd have bit their head off, Please do not think she is a saint."

Sorry I haven't RTFT, however, you cannot be annoyed at people for not reading the OP then drip feeding more info.

From your OK, I would say YABU. The woman has every right to be anywhere in her home, and FWIW, she also has every right to be annoyed with a group of people coming over late. Perhaps she likes peace in the evenings to relax?

southeastdweller · 29/04/2018 12:23

‘she was shooting venom’. So have you been, in your many bitchy comments on here, or is that OK as she’s the one with apparently ‘no life’?

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 12:23

''Making fun of someone's accent is snobbish at best and racist at worst. Hearing someone having an argument with their partner and laughing about it is sheer nastiness.''

oh fuck off, seriously hate the pc police around here...go join the sainthood.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 12:30

I'm sorry, but you're coming across as more and more unpleasant as the thread goes on, and I don't think you have the self awareness to realise it. Mocking the couple's accent and joking about their arguments just makes you seem childish. I don't know why you bothered posting this thread, because you're determined not to listen and just want us to join you in your bitching.

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 12:35

ok then im unpleasant and a complete bitch-this is my thread and i'll do what i want.

OP posts:
InTheGhetto · 29/04/2018 12:41

Are you 28, 33 or 13?

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 29/04/2018 12:41

Asking again OP, why did you bother posting?

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 12:44

I think the OP just likes bitching about people and is disgruntled that we're not joining in. I don't think I remember a thread with a more unpleasant OP. I doubt I'm the only one starting to wonder whether the housemate is as really as bad as she's painting her??

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