angry with housemate

[boywiththebrokensmile]

So for the past yr i have lived in a house share in Cornwall, I am 28 and my housemate is a woman in her mid 40s. We get on ok but she is quite bitter [bitter at been alone, fallout with her family, hates house sharing....] She is quite territorial and has no life really, she obsesses over the other couple that live with us and hates them like she did to the couple before. 1 night they had a few friends over and she went mad to me, i told her it was a houseshare and they did not do it often and they were all gone by ten and she was been unreasonable. She acts like it is her house.

Anyway, a few weeks back, i had three mates over[1st time ever having ppl back,]. She even moaned about that saying she would have stayed elsewhere if she had known. They were staying the night and we went to the pub for 1 drink, we got home round ten and she was sitting in the front room. We all walked in but when we saw her walked back out, she was sitting watching shit tv and I would not mind but she hardly ever sits in there and she sat on. We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides] and let me chat to my mates who i had not seen in yunks. Eventually i took my friends in and she sat on, it was so uncomfortable, i eventually asked her could we watch something on telly and she made a joke of it and said ok and went to bed. But the thing is i think she clearly did that deliberately to deter me taking ppl back to the house again, any normal person would have went up to their room and given me the front room [which i hardly use] for the evening when i had mates over but she imposed and i feel angry over it. What do you think?

This must be really on your mind if you've just arrived in the USA on your holiday with your friends and you are hours behind posting

Go enjoy yourself

@EveningHare Apologies, I did not see that.

So you interrupted her TV time with your mates because you happened to think she was watching crap TV?

Yes, YABU. You deliberately took your friends in the front room to make her feel uncomfortable and leave, so you could have it to your self. That's pretty selfish.

This woman is not suitable for house sharing. She is lonely with not much of a life, therefore she over focuses on the comings and goings in the house.
As an occasional courtesy she could have made herself scarce or been friendly and joined in the chat.
Of course she had every right to sit in the living room that she doesn't normally use. But she did it out of spite. She's miserable so she needs to spread the misery.
She probably is depressed and should be seeking help for that.
I agree with you OP. Maybe time for you to move on.

Thank God Queenoftheblitz!
Someone else who can see this woman for who she is. I've been banging my head against a brick wall here as countless pp blame the OP, tell her she's out of order and to move out.
OP sounds pretty ok to me.

This woman sounds very odd, to say the least.

'Miserable, depressed and lonely'? I take it Queen that you're psychic or know the housemate personally?

Southeast, read the op. Op has said she doesnt have much of a life, fell out with her family who called her a bully, spends most of her time in her bedroom, drinks a bit too much.
Nothing psychic about it. I lived with someone similar - they are tiresome.

I’ve read all her posts. OP is never at home so how does she know the housemate doesn’t have a life and the rest of it?

southeastdweller
I think she talks to OP, so she's probably told her, she doesn't go out or do much and from the times when OP is home she's probably observed that she doesn't do much.
It's not easy to mistake a social butterfly for a recluse, is it?

I don't see the world in black and white like that and though I guess she does speak to her from time to time, OP's said herself how busy she is outside of the house (she works long hours six days a week), they can't know each other well.

''If you just wanted one night why didn't you just ask her? If you had asked and she agreed then she would be being more unreasonable.
And if you are never there how do you know she doesn't do this every night? hmm''

I be there on nights after seven [sometimes much later] and she rarely uses the room, I do chat to her and we get on but i know she does not like ppl visiting, she says she is ''top old for shit like friends coming over.'' She even severly criticised the housemates guests to me and she did not even know them. She was going to ask them to leave nearly before i talked her out of it.

''This woman is not suitable for house sharing. She is lonely with not much of a life, therefore she over focuses on the comings and goings in the house.
As an occasional courtesy she could have made herself scarce or been friendly and joined in the chat.
Of course she had every right to sit in the living room that she doesn't normally use. But she did it out of spite. She's miserable so she needs to spread the misery.
She probably is depressed and should be seeking help for that...fell out with her family who called her a bully, spends most of her time in her bedroom, drinks a bit too much.
Nothing psychic about it. I lived with someone similar - they are tiresome.''

probably one of the few ppl here that gets my point and has empathy. Yes these ppl are tiresome and they are also toxic, while i do like her i feel her hatred of everybody is just ridiculous. She says all the time she would rather live alone and just hates people in general in her life.

''Why! Do you think she has a personality change when the OP isn't there?''

thanks you, it is exhausting here ppl picking apart every word i say and trying to contradict me or looking for a counter argument in everything i say...rather than just take what i say at face value.

Unfortunately, this is AIBU, and it was always likely you were going to get a roasting. It's because you said, 'surely anyone normal...', it put people's backs up. They felt sympathy for someone who is clearly lonely and her own worst enemy. And then also the fact that you were still seething, long after the event. It didn't inconvenience you all that much, she did go upstairs in the end.

I have no sympathy for flatmate. She's at an age to have some insight into her character and do something about it. Even her own mother calls her a bully and her behaviour to every flatmate bears this out.
I feel sorry for op having to live with this stormcloud but few posters seem to have acknowledged the stress op is under when flatmate starts kicking off at other housemates behaviour.
Her behaviour is not "normal".

But the OP could find another house share or her own rented flat. It's not as if she's close to any of the others living in the house from what she's said. She could get herself away from this. No one is saying that the woman is easy to live with (she sounds like a nightmare) but why is she exposing herself to this hassle?

''But the OP could find another house share or her own rented flat. It's not as if she's close to any of the others living in the house from what she's said. She could get herself away from this. No one is saying that the woman is easy to live with (she sounds like a nightmare) but why is she exposing herself to this hassle?''

cos then i will lose my deposit and moving house when you work full time is just way too much hassle.

Lizzie I agree op should move - without losing her deposit. Likewise the flatmate should do the same - she's the one who's made it clear she doesn't like living with people.

Oh and I love how ppl here are so quick to suggest moving or renting/buying a `1 flat. Ha-as if it were that easy,this all takes money and a good bit of it. Sadly money is tight for me, yes I work but the pay is not massive and I am still clearing past debts. Even in the place I live right now is expensive and it is not Buckingham palace, amazes me how ppl here seem to take cash as no object and suggest moving like it is that easy.

Queenoftheblitz the last post was not directed at you, and thank you for being supportive. Rather it was meant at the other posters who suggested I move without taking in the wider picture or suggesting i buy my own place or making digs as to why people get into house shares. Glad ppl here have no concept of money being an issue.

I lived alone for years in a rented flat and loved it, had mates over all the time. Now I'm lodging with somebody for a couple of years while I save for a house deposit. I'm 33. The reality is nobody wants to house share the only reason anyone does it is purely for financial reasons. Therefore I don't have my mates here at all, he rarely does either (he owns the house). It's hard enough living with people at all never mind putting up with each other's friends. Home should be where you can relax in peace. Therefore if you want to see a load of your mates - go out.

You’re making excuses. Find another house share and be happy.

Op you're welcome.

I lived alone for years in a rented flat and loved it, had mates over all the time. Now I'm lodging with somebody for a couple of years while I save for a house deposit. I'm 33. The reality is nobody wants to house share the only reason anyone does it is purely for financial reasons. Therefore I don't have my mates here at all, he rarely does either (he owns the house). It's hard enough living with people at all never mind putting up with each other's friends. Home should be where you can relax in peace. Therefore if you want to see a load of your mates - go out.''

Another poster who half read my post, friends over all the time I would see your point but friends over once a year....bog off.

''You’re making excuses. Find another house share and be happy.''

''You’re making excuses. Find another house share and be happy.''

ok i currently have 16 quid in my bank account, i need 2 fillings which are painful and need new shoes for work as the only pair i have bust last Wednesday but cannot afford it to my next paycheque and you are telling me i am making excuses....

Just because you are financially comfortable don't think everybody is...what a stupid and insensitive post.