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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

angry with housemate

264 replies

boywiththebrokensmile · 26/04/2018 23:52

So for the past yr i have lived in a house share in Cornwall, I am 28 and my housemate is a woman in her mid 40s. We get on ok but she is quite bitter [bitter at been alone, fallout with her family, hates house sharing....] She is quite territorial and has no life really, she obsesses over the other couple that live with us and hates them like she did to the couple before. 1 night they had a few friends over and she went mad to me, i told her it was a houseshare and they did not do it often and they were all gone by ten and she was been unreasonable. She acts like it is her house.

Anyway, a few weeks back, i had three mates over[1st time ever having ppl back,]. She even moaned about that saying she would have stayed elsewhere if she had known. They were staying the night and we went to the pub for 1 drink, we got home round ten and she was sitting in the front room. We all walked in but when we saw her walked back out, she was sitting watching shit tv and I would not mind but she hardly ever sits in there and she sat on. We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides] and let me chat to my mates who i had not seen in yunks. Eventually i took my friends in and she sat on, it was so uncomfortable, i eventually asked her could we watch something on telly and she made a joke of it and said ok and went to bed. But the thing is i think she clearly did that deliberately to deter me taking ppl back to the house again, any normal person would have went up to their room and given me the front room [which i hardly use] for the evening when i had mates over but she imposed and i feel angry over it. What do you think?

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 28/04/2018 07:36

@EveningHare That may be your experience of flatsharing, but I don't recognise it as being set in stone the only way things are run in a flatshare. FYI, yes, I shared places for years so am talking from experience

If we brought people back they shared the communal spaces with whoever was in and was using them at the time. All very social. If we wanted some private time with people, you asked if your flatmates would give you that and we almost always did. It was give and take.

It is clear in this situation that these two hate each other so nothing will ever get resolved.

Mousefunky · 28/04/2018 07:38

Never lived in a house share (thank fuck) but have had many friends and a couple of boyfriends over the years that have.

The rule generally seemed to be that everyone stayed in their rooms tbh. The living room was used for get togethers but planned in advance and sometimes the other housemates would join in. Never experienced anyone sitting solo in the living room, just wasn’t the done thing.

I think she’s a bit odd and passive aggressive. As others have said, if this is still irking you weeks down the line, you need to move out.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 08:17

''It is clear in this situation that these two hate each other so nothing will ever get resolved.''

that's the point-we don't. Me and her generally get on although she hates the others in the house. That is what annoyed me. Before anyone says vwhy did you not include here-yes i did, i asked her to pub but she drinks alone a good bit and is a very prickly character. She sat in the front room [which she rarely does] with the tv blaring and the lights off to make it unwelcoming. The fact we got on is what pisses me off.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/04/2018 08:22

I'd just enjoy your holiday For now Op.

jellycat1 · 28/04/2018 08:31

Yabu. But you'll never agree so what's the point of the thread.

southeastdweller · 28/04/2018 08:39

Surely her hating the couple makes for a horrible atmosphere? Why are you still there?

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 08:52

Cos i am rarely in the house, i work alot or am at a mates, that is what annoys me too-all i wanted was 1 night. The front room is the comfortable room. The couple don't really care about her, she just uses me when i see her to vent how they annoy her [over ridiculous things].

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 08:54

I can see exactly where you're coming from OP. She sounds as though she thinks she owns the house and no-one can have visitors as she doesn't like them in the house.
She sounds like a miserable, PA, nightmare and a bully, she knows that you won't stand up to her OP and unless you want to live by her rules you might have to think about moving.
I wouldnt, I'd make her life a bloody nightmare and she'd have to move out before I would. But then, I can be a nasty bitch and stand up for myself.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 09:09

Other ppl have moved out of the house blaming her to the landlord she told me when she was drunk before and she confessed that even her mum called her a bully. If ppl here met her they would understand the situation more than me just wanting the front room to myself.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 28/04/2018 09:11

Why did you post in AIBU?

lottiegarbanzo · 28/04/2018 09:13

Again. It doesn't matter if we agree with you or not.

What are you going to do to make your life happier? The power is in your hands.

ButchyRestingFace · 28/04/2018 09:19

Maybe it's time to go back to Glasgow, OP? Smile

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 09:21

''She sounds as though she thinks she owns the house and no-one can have visitors as she doesn't like them in the house''

yea that is what annoys me but ppl totally missed the point.

OP posts:
southeastdweller · 28/04/2018 09:25

tbh i am never in the house, i work 6 days a week[very long hours]

You're never there so how do you know what she's really like?

Nikephorus · 28/04/2018 09:28

We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides]
To be honest you lost any sympathy from me at this point. Maybe she doesn't like anyone coming over, maybe she's a bully - it's irrelevant because you expected her to clear out of a room she pays to use just because you wanted it.

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 09:32

Why! Do you think she has a personality change when the OP isn't there?
😂😂😂😂😂

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 09:39

OP! yea that is what annoys me but ppl totally missed the point

Yeah well, that's what usually happens on here. If she was Atilla the Hun and the Devil combined, most pp on here would 'slate' you and sympathise with her.
Ignore them OP!

Weezol · 28/04/2018 09:54

I didn't miss the point - just because she's a PA nightmare doesn't mean you or she can commandeer communal areas in a house share.

I would also bet that she slags you off to the other house mates when you're not there.

This doesn't change the fact that it is unreasonable to expect to have exclusive use of a communal area. End of.

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 09:57

exclusive use of communal area Weezol ???????
For one evening???
Oh! Just sod off!

southeastdweller · 28/04/2018 10:09

Of course no housemate has exclusive use of a communal area! If they do want that then perhaps they should move out to a studio or one bed flat.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 28/04/2018 10:15

If you just wanted one night why didn't you just ask her? If you had asked and she agreed then she would be being more unreasonable.
And if you are never there how do you know she doesn't do this every night? Hmm

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 28/04/2018 10:53

The one time I had soul use of the living room was my birthday. Work had a whip round and bought me bubble bath, candles, Fellowship of the Ring on DVD and a box of Maltesers, that was my afternoon sorted! 😂

EveningHare · 28/04/2018 11:17

@OliviaStabler

@EveningHareThat may beyourexperience of flatsharing, but I don't recognise it as being set in stone the only way things are run in a flatshare. FYI, yes, I shared places for years so am talking from experience
_

HonkyWonkWoman

I wish that pp with obviously no experience of housesharing would stop going on about why the Very Awkward Annoying Woman should not have to give OP
some space and privacy when she had visitors (for the first time, actualey).
Pp who obviously have shared and know the unwritten rules/etiquette of housesharing,greendale17andCurtainshoppingare correct here.
Thank goodness she's not sharing with some pp on here, some of you sound worse than the Awkward Housemate.
But I imagine that you're all just spouting off as usual with no actual knowledge of what your talking about.

__

I was quoting someone, I've posted their whole post...

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/04/2018 11:17

Ah! So as I'm saying, it's not unreasonable or unheard of for a housesharer to have a very occasional exclusive use of the communal living room.
Smile

Nikephorus · 28/04/2018 11:19

Perfectly - I'm now picturing you installing a bath in the living room just so you can enjoy the bubble bath and living room at the same time! Grin

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