Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

angry with housemate

264 replies

boywiththebrokensmile · 26/04/2018 23:52

So for the past yr i have lived in a house share in Cornwall, I am 28 and my housemate is a woman in her mid 40s. We get on ok but she is quite bitter [bitter at been alone, fallout with her family, hates house sharing....] She is quite territorial and has no life really, she obsesses over the other couple that live with us and hates them like she did to the couple before. 1 night they had a few friends over and she went mad to me, i told her it was a houseshare and they did not do it often and they were all gone by ten and she was been unreasonable. She acts like it is her house.

Anyway, a few weeks back, i had three mates over[1st time ever having ppl back,]. She even moaned about that saying she would have stayed elsewhere if she had known. They were staying the night and we went to the pub for 1 drink, we got home round ten and she was sitting in the front room. We all walked in but when we saw her walked back out, she was sitting watching shit tv and I would not mind but she hardly ever sits in there and she sat on. We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides] and let me chat to my mates who i had not seen in yunks. Eventually i took my friends in and she sat on, it was so uncomfortable, i eventually asked her could we watch something on telly and she made a joke of it and said ok and went to bed. But the thing is i think she clearly did that deliberately to deter me taking ppl back to the house again, any normal person would have went up to their room and given me the front room [which i hardly use] for the evening when i had mates over but she imposed and i feel angry over it. What do you think?

OP posts:
TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 29/04/2018 12:47

Tbh there's not a big difference no, you just think yours is acceptable and hers isn't, I personally think they both sound pretty nasty, although you haven't provided an example of her shooting venom.
If you truly thought what she was say it is horrible why on earth would you join in and encourage it. Your 28 not 13!

harriethoyle · 29/04/2018 12:48

im unpleasant and a complete bitch-this is my thread and i'll do what i want.

And for your next trick, you're going to pick your ball up and go home. That'll teach us!!

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 29/04/2018 12:49

Lizzie48 to me it's quite clear op is pretty unpleasant and sounds pretty bitter herself! I doubt the housemate is any worse than op

Queenoftheblitz · 29/04/2018 13:05

Op was wrong to join in and make fun of the couple. But op is not taking great relish is sabotaging the couple's time with friends.
That is housemate's plan. To accuse op as being just as bad as housemate is ludicrous.
As a mature 40 year old, housemate has every right to call a house meeting and state her case on visitors. But no, she plays silly sabotage games with no thought for the atmosphere in the house.

RedSkyAtNight · 29/04/2018 13:10

where did i say i was 33?

You were actually quoting another poster (who was 33) but as your post didn't make it clear what was quote and what was your opinion, I can see why some people got confused.

southeastdweller · 29/04/2018 13:11

OP was also wrong to make many bitchy comments about her housemate.

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 13:16

But we only have the OP's version of what happened, the way she's reacting to any form of criticism on her thread, and especially her last childish post, makes me take her version of events with a huge pinch of salt. I know that you're determined to defend the OP no matter what, Queenoftheblitz, but you must have noticed that you're something of a lone voice on this thread.

And stillness seething weeks later, after a fun holiday in the US, does seem well over the top. Especially as the housemate did actually vacate the room eventually.

Queenoftheblitz · 29/04/2018 13:21

OP was also wrong to make many bitchy comments about her housemate.

No she wasn't wrong to give an honest account of the woman that she lives with and is in a position to judge her because she know her better than us.

You however have posted a few snidey/verging on bitchy comments on here and should look to your own behaviour before judging others.

Queenoftheblitz · 29/04/2018 13:22

Lizzie yes a lone voice - and I'm cool with that.

PoorYorick · 29/04/2018 13:28

oh fuck off, seriously hate the pc police around here...go join the sainthood.

So which was it, OP? Snobbish or racist? Did you make fun of her accent because it's from the wrong social class or the wrong country?

Jaxhog · 29/04/2018 13:32

Are you house-sharing or are you her lodger?

If house-sharing, then I suggest you all sit down and agree how to manage sharing the common areas. It isn't good enough to 'inform' her that you're having a bunch of mates staying over.

If you're her lodger, then you are being mean and unreasonable. It's HER house, and you should respect that. Which you are not. She probably hates having to rent out rooms to ungrateful louts like you.

Either way, you are YABVU. Don't expect respect if you don't give it.

southeastdweller · 29/04/2018 13:39

No she wasn't wrong to give an honest account of the woman that she lives with and is in a position to judge her because she know her better than us.

I disagree. If she made one or two just to let off steam would be fine but making so many bitchy comments says a lot about her. You really think that's OK?

Queenoftheblitz · 29/04/2018 13:57

I disagree. If she made one or two just to let off steam would be fine but making so many bitchy comments says a lot about her. You really think that's OK?

Yes you are right about many bitchy comments says a lot about a person.
You do realise that includes you don't you?

southeastdweller · 29/04/2018 14:03

No because my comments are in reaction to some of her bitching about someone she doesn't know that well, what with OP apparently working long hours six days a week. Compared to the OP, my comments have been pretty restrained.

rinabean · 29/04/2018 14:18

You sound awful and I feel really sorry for her having to live with you

"she over focuses on what is going on in the house and creates needless dramas and scenarios" is really hilarious, have a reread of this thread

OpenthePickles · 29/04/2018 14:58

thanks you, it is exhausting here ppl picking apart every word i say and trying to contradict me or looking for a counter argument in everything i say...rather than just take what i say at face value

Yep, standard for AIBU. It doesn't matter what the subject is, this is what they do. For some reason they seem to know better than you what happened that nightHmm.

YANBU, your housemate was rude and just being awkward. Please don't waste any more time on the people picking apart your thread.

MarthasGinYard · 29/04/2018 15:02

You still on holiday Op?

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 15:20

If you're still on holiday, you really shouldn't be obsessing about this woman. You should be enjoying your holiday. And then when you're back, focus on saving money towards being able to afford your own place.

But wasting your holiday being angry is really wasting your life.

user1483875094 · 29/04/2018 15:27

Boy.... I have been there, and experienced this so many more times than you will ever imagine. I ended up alone, in my big old family house, so took in lodgers, in 3 of the 5 bedrooms, over the last ten years. (I have now sold up and moved on, and live exquisitely alone in a tiny little house)! Sometimes, the dynamics were fantastic and we had a lot of happy times, and I have, genuinely, made some great, and life-long friends over the years, but have also DEFINITELY had at least 6 lodgers who behaved exactly like the one you mention, who were abvsolute niggling, gossipping, interfering just plain nasty screwed up individuals who love to cause problems, and I recognised in a flash, their behaviour, and really, but really felt sorry for you. In fact, I am utterly convinced one of my ex lodgers is the person you speak about!!! To be honest? You can't win, and you never will, sadly. You will never change her behaviour, as you say, she has been doing this for six years. I would honestly, truly, recommend moving on, (but be sure to tell your landlord why). All those out there posting such support of such behaviour, have seriously never lived in such shared arrangements, of that I am sure!
Good luck - start looking, find a smaller house with fewer lodgers/tennants therefore fewer people and their behaviour to have to cope with! Warmest good luck!

HonkyWonkWoman · 29/04/2018 16:03

I also get what is going on OP and YANBU to be angry about how your weird housemate behaved on that evening.
If you can't afford to move just now, ignore her, in fact tell her that you'd rather not gossip and walkout of the kitchen.
Ignore the pp in here who pick apart everything you say. It's how they get their fun!

Not alone Queenoftheblitz!!!!

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 29/04/2018 16:28

Thank you for the support and this is op, my account was wiped earlier by a virus on my laptop as were my twitter so I had to reset this account.

OK, i am suprised that ppl here seem to heckle me and appear to have ignored the facts that she instructed me last night to sabotage an evening the couple where soon to have with their mates coming over. If you can still defend this woman for such behaviour then i am utterly confused. Thank you for the support btw.

captainbizz · 29/04/2018 16:45

Omg Op. why post in AIBU if you have ZERO intention of listening to what anyone says?!

YABVVVVVVU

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 29/04/2018 16:48

''Omg Op. why post in AIBU if you have ZERO intention of listening to what anyone says?!''

no i am not in usa anymore, if ppl ready my op they'd see that this was weeks ago. Also, yes I may have mocked the couple a bit but mocking somebody's accent is in no way in the league of trying deliberately to spoil their evening and the evenings of other houseguests. The woman told me today if they bring anybody around and i can't bring mates over then go in and sit with them and make it ''awkward as they cannot do this to OUR HOUSE.''

I walked on but ffs if ppl here still justify this behaviour then stay off my thread. It sounds more like ppl are not listening to anything i say.

Queenoftheblitz · 29/04/2018 16:55

Op you were brave and honest to admit to making fun of this couple. I think you moved in, keen to get on with everyone. Housemate is an older woman, been there 6 years and ruling the roost. You felt a bit intimidated by her so joined in a bit thinking she liked you and was unlikely to turn on you. Her turning on you has shocked you.
I hope you realise now she is not your friend.

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 29/04/2018 17:01

thank you queenoftheBlitz, yes i am not here to depict myself as some saint like others are attempting to, i am your typical housemate and have my faults. But never would i set out to take over a house and intentionally ruin the evenings of housemates taking over guests. Yes you are right, i thought she was a mate and while i admittingly mocked their accents before, I still never harboured the hate she does against them. But i see now that she was trying to make me her flying monkey and turned on me like she turned on them.

The fact that I may have mocked them before is not relevant to the shit she is pulling, I am not dictating peoples lives here like she is.

Swipe left for the next trending thread