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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

angry with housemate

264 replies

boywiththebrokensmile · 26/04/2018 23:52

So for the past yr i have lived in a house share in Cornwall, I am 28 and my housemate is a woman in her mid 40s. We get on ok but she is quite bitter [bitter at been alone, fallout with her family, hates house sharing....] She is quite territorial and has no life really, she obsesses over the other couple that live with us and hates them like she did to the couple before. 1 night they had a few friends over and she went mad to me, i told her it was a houseshare and they did not do it often and they were all gone by ten and she was been unreasonable. She acts like it is her house.

Anyway, a few weeks back, i had three mates over[1st time ever having ppl back,]. She even moaned about that saying she would have stayed elsewhere if she had known. They were staying the night and we went to the pub for 1 drink, we got home round ten and she was sitting in the front room. We all walked in but when we saw her walked back out, she was sitting watching shit tv and I would not mind but she hardly ever sits in there and she sat on. We went to the kitchen even though it was a clear q for her to go to her room [where she usually resides] and let me chat to my mates who i had not seen in yunks. Eventually i took my friends in and she sat on, it was so uncomfortable, i eventually asked her could we watch something on telly and she made a joke of it and said ok and went to bed. But the thing is i think she clearly did that deliberately to deter me taking ppl back to the house again, any normal person would have went up to their room and given me the front room [which i hardly use] for the evening when i had mates over but she imposed and i feel angry over it. What do you think?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 20:07

No, I mean it, it's important to think about what you're saying. There are people who really are mentally ill, which is what 'deranged' means.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 27/04/2018 20:15

''I've many years of flat sharing under my belt. To me the OP is being more awkward because she could have taken the guests to her room or stayed in the kitchen but she deliberately chose to piss off her housemate by going back to the living room with her guests.''

1st of all i had her informed well in advance they wre coming, second is that the front room has the tv and is the room of comfort and she rarely sits there but choose to this night. We were not going to sit up late or be noisy and no the housemate was not the type that would chat to my mates-she always says she prefers to be alone and generally makes bad effor with alot of the housemates over the years as she speaks negatively of many of them. I had invited her to the pub but when we got back she was sitting drunk on her own and she sat there to put me off bringing them back ever again. She had the tv on blaring and the lights dimmed and she was not creating an environment we could go in and chat to her plus when she is drunk she rambles on and is a complete embarrassment/liability as God knows what she would say. I NEVER bring ppl back and this was 1 night-i think she was been very passive aggressive here.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 27/04/2018 20:19

Yeah, whatevs.

What are you going to do to make your life happier? The power is in your hands.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 27/04/2018 20:27

''At 28 it is probably time you got your own place and stopped housesharing.''

yea do you think i would be house sharing if i could afford otherwise? Lucky you have them privileges in life but others don't.

OP posts:
southeastdweller · 27/04/2018 20:28

It doesn't matter how many times you've brought people back, she's the one paying rent so she's entitled to be in the living room whenever she wants. In this situation, going back into the living room when you knew she was being awkward was just stupid. I'd have stayed in the kitchen or gone up to my room with my guests, not gone in there with her to prove some childish point. Or told my guests to leave and arrange it another time. But then you couldn't ask them to leave, could you, as you'd arranged with all three of them to stay over...

No comment on where your three guests stayed, then?

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 20:33

I understand you being annoyed, OP, but it's some time ago now. Time to move on, possibly to a new houseshare? Maybe with your mates?

fridgepants · 27/04/2018 20:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 27/04/2018 20:43

it is a large house,2 stayed in my bed, 2 stayed [myself inc] on the sofas. We stayed in my house as we were flying to USA on a holiday in the am and the mates were from 100s of miles away so left from airport near my house.

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 27/04/2018 20:45

OP you sound like an awful housemate.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 27/04/2018 20:46

''It doesn't matter how many times you've brought people back, she's the one paying rent so she's entitled to be in the living room whenever she wants.''

yes it does, if i was doing it all the time i would see her point but i did it just once in a year and as i said a few months ago when the couple brought back a few friends[all gone before 10pm] she was livid with anger over it...I love how ppl here think she is really reasonable or something.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 20:48

It probably wasn't the best idea to go into the living room at all. If it was me, I'd have been embarrassed at exposing my friends to that woman's behaviour and just taken them to my room. It was already late after all.

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 20:51

You seemed to want the confrontation, and to be the one who comes out on top. Hmm

Weezol · 27/04/2018 20:53

I don't think her behaviour is brilliant by any stretch, but in house shares nobody gets exclusive use of communal areas.

She doesn't, you don't either. If you want to be in a room excluding house mates, you go to your own room. It is a standard rule of house shares and has been since my very first house share 25 years ago and for many years prior to that.

southeastdweller · 27/04/2018 21:10

A 'large house' where there's no spare rooms and two of your guests are in your bed and the other slept on the sofa? Hmm

Ontheboardwalk · 27/04/2018 21:11

When you spoke in advance and agreed that the 3 people could stay over and could sleep in the living room what did your housemate say?

user1473878824 · 27/04/2018 21:17

She sounds difficult. You sound like a total child. Move out.

HTH.

Original poster
boywiththebrokensmile · 27/04/2018 21:21

She was fine with it but when she pulled that stunt then it seemed reminiscent of the time the couple had friends over[they rarely take mates over] and they had them in the front room and she had a big tantrum in the kitchen over it... With me she got in there and took action.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 21:22

I love how ppl here think she is really reasonable or something.

Did you miss the name of the topic you posted under?

southeastdweller · 27/04/2018 21:30

Quite the Jekyll and Hyde isn't she, apparently hostile with your guests using the living room which she partly pays to use, but 'fine' with three strangers staying over.

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 21:33

Yes it's AIBU. In other words the question is whether you were unreasonable. So posters have answered that yes you were, in expecting her to vacate the living room just because you had friends there. Nobody is saying that she's an easy person to live with, she clearly isn't. But in this instance, you weren't reasonable either.

Pengggwn · 28/04/2018 05:54

Lizzie48

Thanks for your opinion.

MumoftheBoyandtheGirl · 28/04/2018 07:08

You flew to the USA from Cornwall? 🤔

PoorYorick · 28/04/2018 07:17

Name change fail?

Lucisky · 28/04/2018 07:20

These sofas you and your friends slept on - would they happen to be the ones in the communal living room?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 28/04/2018 07:25

I lived in a house share once, and we all used to watch TV, we'd negotiate what to watch. I never remember anyone sitting in their room. YABU.

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