To tell ex about baby I'm not keeping?

[uhoh45]

I have mixed reviews from my friends. I feel I should tell him but really not sure.

For context. We were only seeing each other for about 4 months broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago had tipsy "goodbye sex" and I got pregnant! I've asked him over later to collect some of his things. We're amicable so not worried about him being violent.

Would you want to know?

Please be as honest as possible but do not try to convince me to change my mind as it's made up I cannot have this baby.

(I know I'll probably get harsh replies here but I kind of need bluntness)

I don't really see any point in telling him if you're not going ahead with it.

I would nt personally if you aren't continuing the pregnancy.

What baby? There isn’t going to be a baby. There’s nothing to tell.

We have a close circle of friends I'm just worried about him finding out later on down the line and I also think he should know he's dodged a bullet. It might make him grow up a bit🤷‍♀️ (not for me to get back with him btw)

No point at all.

I think actually it would be a bit nasty to tell him, imagine saying to someone I’m pregnant but I am terminating the pregnancy.

If you want an abortion that is your right but why even mention it as you weren’t even together long and it’s over now anyway, plus there will never be a baby as your having an abortion.

If you’re definitely not going to keep it then I wouldn’t tell him. What are you hoping to gain by telling him? “Dodging a bullet” isn’t a fair answer. What if he turns around and says he wants it?

If you feel you have to tell him, tall him afterwards... just om case he thinks he should get a say in it.

Why would he find out from others? Are you planning on telling your whole circle of friends you’ve aborted his baby?

No,. Actually I think you'd be depositing an almighty head fuck on him. Seems a bit cruel tbh.

I wouldn't tell him. You will only create unnecessary drama for yourself.

You want him to know he’s dodged a bullet? Yep he’s dodged a bullet by swerving a relationship with a person who would stoop as low as to use a pregnancy to teach him a lesson.

Sounds to me like utterly unecessary drama. But then by telling others you have sort of created that already.

I would keep very private, not tell him, end the pregnancy and move on.

Agree - nothing to tell. Your body, no baby. If you have made the decision and don't want his input - which is fine - then no point.

Also what would he feel? How would that help him?

Hope it goes well forn you.

Are you secretly hoping he will try to convince you to keep it and give it a go? I can't think for one minute why you would consider it otherwise

I wouldn’t tell him. If you’re certain you don’t want to go ahead it doesn’t really matter what he thinks about it. Sounds like the chances are slim but what if he wanted you to keep it, and spent the next couple of weeks trying to guilt trip you? Will only make it harder.

No point, unless you're doing it because deep down, you want an excuse to be in contact with him again.
I don't see how it would make him grow up a bit, as you said, and would seem rather a cruel means for him to achieve that!
Hope you're ok though, OP

No I think this is incredibly cruel and will mess with his mind. No good can come out of this! You don’t have to tell anybody about it.

Absolutely no reason to tell him. Especially if you're only telling him to 'make him grow up'.

That sounds a bit mean. Did he dump you and you see it as a way of sticking the boot in?

I can empathise with the impulse to tell him. It feels like he gets to walk away with no consequences, where as you don't get that choice, I guess?

The kinder thing to do is obviously not to tell him, and make sure everyone who knows also knows you haven't told him- then hopefully he won't hear about it. But equally if it will genuinely make you feel better to tell him, I do think you are within your rights to- yes, it will be shit for him, but it's already shit for you.

If you've told anyone who might mention it when drunk or just to be malicious, then it's probably better coming from you.

Weird to think about telling him tbh. As others have said, what if he turns round and wants you to keep it?

Are you absolutely sure that’s not what you’re hoping for?

Make him grow up? You make it sound like this was all his fault.

Yes I'd tell him you plan to abort his baby, he deserves to know.

So his close circle of friends will know about the abortion, but he won't? I don't think that's fair. What if one of his friends lets slip? It's not the nicest way for him to find out.

I was originally going to say no, don't tell him. But if you're going to tell his friends then you should tell him too. Either before or soon after having the abortion.

I wouldn’t. He might try and persuade you differently ( and it’s your choice) or he might freak out and feel bad despite wanting to get rid of it. Either way it doesn’t make anything better.