To tell ex about baby I'm not keeping?

[uhoh45]

I have mixed reviews from my friends. I feel I should tell him but really not sure.

For context. We were only seeing each other for about 4 months broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago had tipsy "goodbye sex" and I got pregnant! I've asked him over later to collect some of his things. We're amicable so not worried about him being violent.

Would you want to know?

Please be as honest as possible but do not try to convince me to change my mind as it's made up I cannot have this baby.

Unless you want his support through the termination in which case maybe.

I wouldnt.

I think it's cruel to tell him before, especially as your mind is made up. I'd tell him afterwards though, as keeping secrets isn't great imo.

Absolutely not. Please don’t. It’s your body and your decision and I doubt he’ll be there at the clinic with you. I hope it all goes well OP and it gets sorts quickly.

I wouldn't tell him. He doesn't have a choice in the matter as it is, so no point in telling him.

And don't tell the sort of person who'll tell others, either, ffs.

Although it seems unfair that people are being so mean- is difficult to be the only one who has to make the decision/live with the fact/ even know it was an issue. But such is the price of being able to make the final decision.

Chin up love, but I wouldn’t tell.

Don't tell him unless you plan on screwing his head up, and don't go blabbing to all your circle of friends as you will be surprised OP how many people are against abortion in your circle in your circumstances.

Find a couple of people to talk to who will keep their mouths shut even decades later, and get one of them to come with you to you to the clinic and be there with you afterwards.

What LadyLance said.

It might make him grow up a bit

Not your problem or job to prevent. His behaviour is his business.

I’d tell him. He will find out anyway.

Nothing to tell as you hsve made your decision about your body. I would ask your friends not to gossip and move on after the abortion.

For me the issue is you've discussed it with mutual friends. Why didn't you keep it private? I don't think it's right to risk him finding out later from someone else. That would be a shitty thing to happen. That everyone else knew about his aborted baby but him especially as the breakup is amicable. Does that sound right to you?

Seeing as everyone else knows just have a grown up conversation with him.

he deserves to know.

That he had unprotected sex? He knows.

That OP had a medical procedure on her own body that effects no-one else in the entire world? No, he doesn’t deserve to know OPs private medical information.

We have a close circle of friends I'm just worried about him finding out later on down the line and I also think he should know he's dodged a bullet. It might make him grow up a bit🤷‍♀️ (not for me to get back with him btw)

Hmmm. Is it going to make you grow up a bit?

Because you were both involved in making that potential baby.

Terminate the pregnancy as planned and don't tell him. You clearly want to tell him for superior reasons, and you are not superior to him.

I would tell him. If I was in his position I’d want to know

Why would you want to know size?

Why would it be cruel to tell him? Serious question

Are you 100% certain of this abortion? If so, don't tell him. Even if his friends know, I doubt they'll want to tell him something like that randomly? It's not something you just blurt out.

You sound like you want to tell him to see if he'll change his mind and get back together with you, in which case I presume you'd keep the baby. If this is at all true you need to grow up a bit, keeping or not keeping this baby shouldn't really be dependent upon his involvement because you may regret it if so. You could just as easily split up later on in the pregnancy then have an unwanted baby as a single mum.

Why tell him? That would be spiteful. Men have feelings too! If someone told you about a baby that never was, I bet that would screw your mind up. Leave him alone.

If you are definitely not having it, telling him achieves nothing and just served to possible create drama.

He didn't leave me it was my idea but mutually agreed we just weren't working. I've told 2 friends but their bfs are his friends and I know some couples, as much as my friends say they won't tell them, share everything. I regret telling them but had to talk to someone. I'm really not being malicious and i don't want to get back with him or head fuck but a bit of support might be nice.

I can see both sides.

She's told their circle of friends. What does everyone think is going to happen? Why would you do that to someone?

I’m female so this is a moot point, but I’d want to know for several reasons: to know I was fertile, to offer physical and financial support for the procedure if need be - paying towards it if going private or picking her up after if needed, and so that the emotional burden wouldn’t be on just one half of the two participants

Men have rights too. If you inform him then all you are doing is hurting him and informing him Post-event that he had no say in the matter (I don't have a personal issue with that by the way, it is your body ....but he might!), then what do you gain?