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Original poster

To tell ex about baby I'm not keeping?

176 replies

uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 18:09

I have mixed reviews from my friends. I feel I should tell him but really not sure.

For context. We were only seeing each other for about 4 months broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago had tipsy "goodbye sex" and I got pregnant! I've asked him over later to collect some of his things. We're amicable so not worried about him being violent.

Would you want to know?

Please be as honest as possible but do not try to convince me to change my mind as it's made up I cannot have this baby.

OP posts:
morningconstitutional2017 · 26/04/2018 18:46

I see no point in telling him. Getting pregnant was a mistake for you and I think that the burden of responsibility is yours - which may seem unfair but it's your body and your decision alone.

user1495390685 · 26/04/2018 18:46

@Uhoh this is a bad situation to be in, but you need to move on, so don't involve anyone else -- it will work out worse for everyone. I was a bit unsure when you said "might make him grow up", you sound upset and bitter about something, but this is not a reason to bring up such a serious issue. Good luck.

SarahSiddons · 26/04/2018 18:49

I would have agreed with others not to tell because what’s the point, but as mutual friends know then I think there’s a high chance he’ll find out anyway and it’s better it comes from you. But I think it’s a difficult conversation no matter how amicable the break up.

hibbledibble · 26/04/2018 18:49

What do you hope to gain from telling him?

hibbledibble · 26/04/2018 18:50

I'm wondering if you want his emotional support regarding the abortion. Is that the case?

If so, you need to be prepared he will not be willing to offer that, and may in fact be against you having an abortion.

Tinkobell · 26/04/2018 18:51

But OP, if might not be support that you get from him. It might be persuasion, hurt and finally anger and resentment. Only people who know this guy very very well may have an inkling of his likely response on this matter. How do you know he's not a vehement pro-lifer?

Littlechocola · 26/04/2018 18:53

I would tell him especially as you’ve told others.

SunshineAfterRain · 26/04/2018 18:53

I personally wouldn't tell him. And if he found out later down the line all you need to say is "i was 100% percent certain a termination was the right choice and i didn't want to cause any more friction"
Even though you are sure in your decision I would take someone with you. You may need the support when you get there even if you don't think you will just now.
Best wishes Flowers

pigeondujour · 26/04/2018 18:54

Men have rights too.

What rights do they have in this context?

Coastalcommand · 26/04/2018 18:55

Yes, I’d tell him. He may support you through it as a friend.

octonaught · 26/04/2018 18:56

If it was your decision to break up, you will upset him.
Will you be accompanied by one of your mutual friends for the termination?
I would have the procedure then maybe tell him afterwards

wannabestressfree · 26/04/2018 18:56

I have no idea why you would do that especially as it was short term. It smacks of control and you punishing him.
Use your friends for support.

Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 18:57

I just think if I was him I'd want to know. I don't know maybe I'm not thinking straight? It would also be nice to have some support through it from him. Which I think he would

OP posts:
CanIBuffalo · 26/04/2018 18:58

Are you trying to punish him?
Considering he has no rights in this situation, what do you hope to gain from it?

YearOfYouRemember · 26/04/2018 18:58

It would be cruel to tell him if you're definitely having a termination. Tell no one then it won't get back to him.

Bombardier25966 · 26/04/2018 18:58

You need to do some growing up. This isn't some game to have a little dig at your ex - because that is what you're doing, isn't it. It's nasty and pretty tacky too.

octonaught · 26/04/2018 18:59

Then tell him OP

fontofnoknowledge · 26/04/2018 18:59

Best just post it on FB for maximum drama... then they'll be no problem with anyone being left out of the loop.

Alternatively you could just get some self respect and understand that only you have the rights in this situation therefore nothing to involve anyone else with. Unless you think this might persuade him into getting back together.

Lovemusic33 · 26/04/2018 18:59

I wouldn’t tell him, you shouldn’t have told anyone if there’s a risk of him finding out. I think it would be unfair to tell him as he may feel like he should stay with you and beg you to keep it even though he doesn’t love you?

DwangelaForever · 26/04/2018 18:59

I think he deserves to know but that's just me.

octonaught · 26/04/2018 18:59

Have you been to a pregnancy advisory clinic to get some professional advice?

CanIBuffalo · 26/04/2018 18:59

By all means ask him for support but not otherwise and he may not want to support you if he wants to keep the baby.

Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 18:59

I don't have Facebook.

OP posts:
mzcracker · 26/04/2018 19:02

Make him grow up a bit? You had a part to play in this pregnancy too it's not really up to you to punish him for a mistake you both made.
I wouldn't tell him. It's very unfair. If your circle of friends decide to tell him then get better friends.

advocatingmum · 26/04/2018 19:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

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