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Original poster

To tell ex about baby I'm not keeping?

176 replies

uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 18:09

I have mixed reviews from my friends. I feel I should tell him but really not sure.

For context. We were only seeing each other for about 4 months broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago had tipsy "goodbye sex" and I got pregnant! I've asked him over later to collect some of his things. We're amicable so not worried about him being violent.

Would you want to know?

Please be as honest as possible but do not try to convince me to change my mind as it's made up I cannot have this baby.

OP posts:
TypingoftheDead · 26/04/2018 19:03

I wouldn't tell him, at most I'd say something like "I didn't want to say as I knew it would hurt you", but only if he did find out.
He doesn't need to know anything otherwise. Ignorance is bliss in this case, if he doesn't find out from friends.

OhHolyJesus · 26/04/2018 19:03

I was in a similar situation years ago. I had a termination, never looked back, never told him and never saw him again.

It's a very personal decision. This worked for me, I have no regrets. Not one.

Good luck OP!

Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 19:05

I get the general consensus so I'll leave it there thank you everyone.

I would like for record and everyone to know. I'm really not into drama or doing things to hurt people I would do anything for anyone and have the biggest heart (I'm told) but it's hard to convey that to strangers across the internet. Our break up wasn't a drama we're on speaking terms still. I don't want him back & pretty sure he doesn't want to get back with me. It's a shit situation but just trying to navigate my way through it as best I can whilst trying to save my head. Only time will tell if i make the right decision either way 🤷‍♀️

Thank you again everyone.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 26/04/2018 19:10

I would like for record and everyone to know. I'm really not into drama

I'm sorry OP.. but your actions say the complete opposite .... good luck Flowers

TammySwansonTwo · 26/04/2018 19:10

Headfuck for him? OP is the one who is pregnant and has to go through this, he’s equally responsible for the difficulty she’s now experiencing.

He is going to find out anyway, totally understand you needed support from your friends, but it will inevitably get back to him and I think it’s better coming from you.

KnittinKitten · 26/04/2018 19:13

Men have rights too.

What does this mean?

HairyToity · 26/04/2018 19:16

If your mind is made up I wouldn't tell him.

MsGameandWatching · 26/04/2018 19:16

Men have rights over my body and whether I continue a pregnancy or not? No, they really do not. I decide and that's the end of it.

OP is pregnant, having to make a difficult choice and go through an unpleasant medical procedure. She can be forgiven for being all over the place. Stop laying into her. Some disgusting attempts to shame her on this thread.

SamandDean · 26/04/2018 19:18

Gemini69 That’s bullshit. She’s causing drama by asking on a Internet forum if she should tell the father or not? She hasn’t actually told him she’s asking for opinions.
but your actions say the complete opposite. What actions are those then? She hasn’t done anything yet

TheJoyOfSox · 26/04/2018 19:19

If you’re getting rid, What is the point of telling him? Seriously, what difference will it make, other than causing him similar pain to you?

Just get rid and move on, no need to tell him, it’s not like it will affect how you deal with it.

mynameismrbloom · 26/04/2018 19:20

Surely someone will tell him if you are still in touch and your friends know?

coconutpie · 26/04/2018 19:21

You want to tell him so he might grow up a bit? What kind of a reason is that?! You're not planning on staying pregnant so I see no reason at all to tell him. Best of luck.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 26/04/2018 19:23

'Get rid'? It's not chucking out the trash ffs

Gemini69 · 26/04/2018 19:23

I've told 2 friends but their bfs are his friends and I know some couples, as much as my friends say they won't tell them, share everything. I regret telling them but had to talk to someone

this is why Hmm

upsideup · 26/04/2018 19:23

No that could be incredibly cruel to even consider.

Buckingfrolicks · 26/04/2018 19:25

Dear OP, I think you've been given a lot of judgemental old rubbish on this thread. I totally understand that you are in two minds about telling him or not. And that you might want support from him. Without that meaning you want to get back together with him.

I do not see why he should not know about the consequences of sex without protection. You know about it - and are taking all the consequences. Why should he be 'saved' from that knowledge? It is a reality that unexpected and unwanted pregnancies occur and you have every right to want him to know, without there being any other agenda or drama about it.

good luck to you. There is nothing whatsoever wrong in what you have done or are doing imo, and I wish you all the best.

TheJoyOfSox · 26/04/2018 19:26

Oh......it’s to “make him grow up”, er, how about you grow up first?
It’s not like you’re adult enough to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or even deal with it without all the unnecessary drama.
Stop being a bitch and just have your abortion without running an article in the local paper.
Would you keep it if he asked you? Of course not, it’s your body, your choice. Grow up.

Viviennemary · 26/04/2018 19:26

If you have the baby then I think you should tell him as you did go out with him for four months. If you decide not to keep the baby then no point in telling him or anybody he knows. But I don't think it's a good idea to let him find out from somebody else that you had an abortion. And you haven't been split up for very long. Was getting back together not on the cards anyway.

SilverDoe · 26/04/2018 19:31

Awh. Tough situation; I hope you have proper support for your abortion, it must be a shock to have to go through that.

However, don't tell him, nothing positive for either of you will come of it.

I don't get the "teach him a lesson" thing at all, that skews the view of you and comes across as quite malicious. Because either, you both were careless with contraception, which makes you both culpable, or it was a contraceptive failure, which makes neither of you culpable. Or do you mean, you both made a mistake, but you have to deal with it in a very real way by going through an abortion, and you feel like he sort of "got away with it" without consequence if you don't tell him?

I don't think he would be the best source of support for you really, I get the emotional tie of him being the father, and maybe romanticising the idea that you both being part of it makes him the best person to be there - but it would be far better to have someone close to you as support. And how emotionally complicated and difficult would it be if he turned around and said he didn't want you to get an abortion? Obviously it's completely your choice but I imagine that would make things more difficult.

I really hope I haven't upset you by saying any of this, I know you're in a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck Flowers

BrendasUmbrella · 26/04/2018 19:32

It could just cause hassle for you. I've seen friends go through it. From the ex and his friends calling her "a lying slag" to someone having to deal with a guy who wanted her to keep it and get back with him, to a friend who was just devastated by her ex's lack of interest to the news. I'd say if you are even slightly emotionally fragile, don't risk it.

If he finds out later, he finds out. The only reason to tell him beforehand is to give him some input. If you know what you want to do, he's best left out of it.

Claire90ftm · 26/04/2018 19:34

It sounds as though you've already spread the news round your friends... I think that was insensitive. You shouldn't have told anyone really, and if he finds out from them it could be really upsetting.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/04/2018 19:34

Men have rights too

What do you actually mean by that? What are his legal rights in this situation? You think he should have the right to be there for the abortion, or you think she should go ahead with a pregnancy and birth she does not want if he says it might be fun to be a Dad?

DragonMummy1418 · 26/04/2018 19:35

Doesn't seem like a popular decision but I think for the woman to have to do the decision making and bear the entire emotional distress is unfair and sexist.
He should know, it's 50/50 each of your baby so he should at least know and go with you.

Bojangles33 · 26/04/2018 19:36

I'm really surprised by the replies on here. It is your decision but I do think (especially if he is a friend) that he has a right to know. In my opinion it is a risk for you to tell him as it may make things more difficult for you if he doesn't want you to go through with the abortion, and he may not be helpful/supportive even if he agrees with the decision. It isn't about teaching him a lesson or to grow up or anything like that though, or it shouldn't be. It's just about him being informed about what happened.

Tiddlywinks63 · 26/04/2018 19:39

.......to make him grow up....?
That sounds really spiteful to me.
You clearly don't feel much about him, I wonder how long it'll be before your friends tell him?

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