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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell ex about baby I'm not keeping?

176 replies

uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 18:09

I have mixed reviews from my friends. I feel I should tell him but really not sure.

For context. We were only seeing each other for about 4 months broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago had tipsy "goodbye sex" and I got pregnant! I've asked him over later to collect some of his things. We're amicable so not worried about him being violent.

Would you want to know?

Please be as honest as possible but do not try to convince me to change my mind as it's made up I cannot have this baby.

OP posts:
londonrach · 26/04/2018 21:34

I wouldnt. Whats the point. Youve not known him long and you getting rid of the baby.

Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 21:37

He came here. I went against the popular opinion and did what I thought was best and I told him. His feelings are a far cry from what has been suggested on here! I asked if he would have preferred I didn't tell him and he said although ignorance would have been bliss, no. He would have wanted to know and finding out after the fact would have been even more heartbreaking.

He said it's our mistake and we should deal with it as adults together, but ultimately it's my choice although he would never say the words "have an abortion" he understands why I've reached this decision and he agrees. He romanticised a bit about what would have happened if we were still together. Which I expected as I did too. But we're not. He also joked at least he knows he's fertile! Which I get too.

I knew I should have trusted my gut. He's been amazing so far I just hope it continues once it's sunk in.

Thank you for all your advice. I hope someone in the same situation reads this and it helps.

Even If I have egg on my face in a weeks time I'll swallow my pride and update either way if anyone is interested 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 21:39

There was also lots of hugs and a few glasses of wine which helped to. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I have someone on my side. I feel like I can do this.

OP posts:
DwangelaForever · 26/04/2018 21:40

Glad you told him 💖 and got a positive reaction x

Lacucuracha · 26/04/2018 21:41

It's OP's body and her choice, but to present a decision that is a fait accompli to the father of the child is unnecessary and somewhat cruel.

If OP was looking for help from ex to make a decision on keeping the child or not, that would be a different issue. She's made up her mind, there is no point involving him.

Justletitlie · 26/04/2018 21:41

I haven’t rtft but, erm, can I get this straight, you had sex 2.5 weeks ago?
How late was your period to make you do a test?
As soon as you tested positive, you told 2 friends? Didn’t give yourself any thinking time?
The friends you chose to tell, you knew had boyfriends who were your ex’s friends ... so therefore very high chance of him finding out?
You think you are in a position morally to teach someone a lesson on being a grown up, by using a pregnancy to frighten them?
You do realise the chances of miscarrying this early in a pregnancy are very high don’t you?
That would end your little drama fairly quickly.

How old are you? You sound about 12.
I agree with the poster who thinks the ex has dodged a bullet.
What.a.drama.lama.

Lacucuracha · 26/04/2018 21:44

He also joked at least he knows he's fertile!

Hilarious.

dontbesillyhenry · 26/04/2018 21:46

Well errr okay, do pop by and ask our opinion again

Justletitlie · 26/04/2018 21:47

cross-posted

Do you watch a lot of rom-coms?
There’s something disingenuous about the way you describe the whole situation.

As if you’re trying to describe some bitter-sweet situation where your love is thwarted, etc.
There’s barely a decision to be made ffs. You must be what, 4 weeks? Confused

Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 21:48

There was also lots of hugs and a few glasses of wine which helped to. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I have someone on my side. I feel like I can do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
uhoh45 · 26/04/2018 21:48

Feel free to hide the thread Henry xx

OP posts:
jkl0311 · 26/04/2018 21:50

Literally cringing at this thread Confused I can see you keeping it yet a while and deluding yourself your being adults

Lacucuracha · 26/04/2018 21:52

Even If I have egg on my face in a weeks time I'll swallow my pride and update either way if anyone is interested 🤷‍♀️

Update on what? Whether he carries on being 'amazing' whilst being proud of his virility? I can't think of anything less interesting right now. It's all happened very quickly.

Ivorbig1 · 26/04/2018 21:53

He hasn’t dodged a bullet, it takes two .... you both have if don’t continue with the pregnancy

flubdub · 26/04/2018 21:59

Well done OP. Thanks

Some of the replies on here are hideous.

bluebell34567 · 26/04/2018 21:59

I think you will change your mind.

midnightmisssuki · 26/04/2018 22:02

he joked about being fertile?! in this situation i hardly think this is the time for jokes - you both sound young and very immature - hugs and a few glasses of wine?! This is not a light decision you know? Good luck OP - with whatever decision you come to

CheeseyToast · 26/04/2018 22:04

Do you want him to know? If so, tell him. Otherwise not.

It really depends... if he was a crazy stalker type then definitely not, but if he's a normal sort of bloke then he'd probably appreciate knowing. But you have no obligation to tell him if you'd prefer not to, and you are absolutely allowed to tell any friends you like. Wow at the judgemental bollocks being spouted on here.

Namechangedname · 26/04/2018 22:25

And also yes... this is a case of using abortion as late birth control. Which is frankly abhorrent

What is the point in laying into the OP, the damage is done? Hmm

CheeseyToast · 26/04/2018 22:31

midnight what is this rule of which you speak about times for jokes?

KnittinKitten · 26/04/2018 23:35

Why shouldn't he face at least the emotional burden of it?

Because the risk of him putting his personal feelings about it onto OP and either pressuring her to keep a pregnancy she doesn’t want or creating stress for her far outweighs any benefit to OP him having an emotional burden. Fuck his emotional burden. OPs well-being is what matters here and if there is even the slightest chance that telling him will cause her more stress then she shouldn’t tell him. She has enough to deal with without taking on his shit too.

PersianCatLady · 26/04/2018 23:54

OP - Seeing that you only had sex just over two weeks ago, are you 100% certain that you are actually pregnant and not just late because of the stress?

You may be worrying unnecessarily.

OhHolyJesus · 27/04/2018 09:23

Well done OP! Sounds like you handled it really well and you will never have to keep it a secret from him now. What a relief. Hope the procedure (medical abortion I'm guessing) goes smoothly and take advantage of all the counselling available.

You are one brave lady, I salute you.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/04/2018 09:55

I was going to say only tell him if you need support from him but I think you should mention it before one of the friends does.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/04/2018 09:57

Sorry have now seen your update. Sounds like you both handled it in a mature way.

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