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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone else disciplining my child?

248 replies

AskinginApril · 24/04/2018 22:46

Who is in the right?

9 year old son was misbehaving. I dealt with it.

My son then asked 18 year old family member to come somewhere with them. Would have been fine if they didn’t want to, but they said “no, because you have been naughty”.

Would you be okay with this?

OP posts:
RavenWings · 24/04/2018 23:26

That's not disciplining, that's natural consequences. If you behave badly, people won't want to be around you.

Good on that 18 year old.

moontree · 24/04/2018 23:26

Asking That does not sound like discipline though. The family member has no authority over that child to discpline them anyway as they are not the parent, teacher, grandparent etc

Seems to me like the family member just did not want to accompany a child who was playing up. Fair enough.

MarthasGinYard · 24/04/2018 23:26

18 yr old was actually supporting you

Also probably didn't want to go anywhere with 'naughty' 9 Yo

JessicaJonesJacket · 24/04/2018 23:30

They didn't discipline your DC. They made a decision based on the DC's behaviour. It was a natural consequence. Of course the teen is entitled to say that.

ginplease8383 · 24/04/2018 23:31

I agree natural consequences of poor behaviour. The teen didnt want to play and told them why- fair enough!!!

Claire90ftm · 24/04/2018 23:35

YABU

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/04/2018 23:35

I agree with most other posters. This wasn’t discipline. 18 year old doesn’t need to go somewhere with a badly behaved child.

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 25/04/2018 00:00

YABU. It doesn't sound like they were butting in or undermining you, OP. It sounds like they were backing you up and supporting your stance with your DC. As a parent, I appreciate being backed up.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/04/2018 00:13

I've re-read your post a few times, because I can't really work out what you think is wrong with what FM said. I'd say FM has said exactly the right thing - supported you, and modelled consequences of bad behaviour. I would have been thanking FM in your position.

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2018 00:15

YABU, as others have said, they were backing you up.

It's certainly not 'disciplining' your child Confused

butTIRFlies · 25/04/2018 03:17

However you describe it, it sounds fine to me.

FrancisCrawford · 25/04/2018 05:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JingsMahBucket · 25/04/2018 06:02

YABU. And precious. It takes a village to raise a child. Kids need to be socialised to realize their behaviour affects others around them and that it has consequences.

How did your child react to being told that @AskinginApril?

Springnowplease · 25/04/2018 06:15

I'd be fine with it. 18 year old doesn't want to take a badly behaved child anywhere.

Pengggwn · 25/04/2018 06:17

18 year old doesn't want to take the child out when the child has been naughty. They don't have to, do they?

summerinthecountry · 25/04/2018 06:22

I think the 18year old was also supporting you, so yes under these circumstances (and there would not be many) I think it is okay.

OliviaStabler · 25/04/2018 06:25

If you think that was him disciplining you child, then you have far bigger problems than worrying over this.

whiteroseredrose · 25/04/2018 06:28

Good learning point that behaviour has repercussions that saying sorry to mum can't fix.

Angrybird345 · 25/04/2018 06:29

You think that was him being disciplined??? Bizarre.... you sound like you’re in denial with your sons behaviour.

BanyanTree · 25/04/2018 06:35

The only time I have seen a really badly behaved child stop their ongoing behaviour was when their teacher decided to show them that the other DC didn't want to hang out with him as a result of their actions.

Pengggwn · 25/04/2018 06:47

I actually dislike the whole 'it takes a village' thing. Generally, I don't want people who aren't me or my DH disciplining our daughter. If I have asked them for childcare, that's different. But this isn't that. It's just a person exercising their right to or want to be around your child, due to their behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2018 07:00

Pengggwyn
It takes a village isn’t just about disciplining. It’s about teaching a child a lot of people love and care for them and giving them a well rounded education. I like it especially in the day and age, where extended family is often a long way away.

Pengggwn · 25/04/2018 07:04

Mummyoflittledragon

That's not when people say it. They say it when they're talking about people telling off a child.

Anyway, plenty of people love and care for my DD, but if they didn't (because we didn't have extended family etc) that wouldn't be a problem. She has me and her dad and for now that's enough!

Somersetter · 25/04/2018 07:11

I like "It takes a village to raise a child" and to me it's not just about discipline but about a sense of collective responsibility.

MaisyPops · 25/04/2018 07:14

It takes a village to raise children. The 18 year old has shown DC that they don't want to take a child out who has been poorly behaved. Natural consequences.

Put it this way, would you be annoyed if your DC had been amazing and then 18 year old had offered to take them to the park as a treat?
It's the same principle.

And it is not discipline.