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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla returns..... to soft play

999 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 24/04/2018 19:57

Probably will be a boring thread as i mainly intend to continue just ignoring and refusing to be drawn in to any games but...

Guess where I went today? And who I bumped into there? (I really need to find another place to hang out with people! )
Well she was there when I turned up with party mum. We greeted her with a surprised slightly awkward 'oh... hi!' which she returned, but then sat at a different table.
Later in the afternoon when I'd got home she called and i picked up without thinking. She said she wanted to chat and make it so that we could start going to our usual group again - she seemed to be under the impression that I was no longer going. And asked if she could come over right then. I said no sorry as it was time for dinner/ bath/ bed etc for my dc. I also told her that I was still attending the group and that she didn't need to worry about attending, I joked that it's big enough for both of us..... and she put the phone down. I wondered if it was a mistake but she never called back if it was and I don't want to call her.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 31/05/2018 09:45

Well that's something else to show the police!

Flexoset · 31/05/2018 09:47

And thank God you did!!

Clutterbugsmum · 31/05/2018 09:48

Make sure you let the police know that she has already text you.

Can you have some one with you today or go out somewhere today in case she comes to yours. Either way do not answer the door, if you are expecting someone ask them to text you when they are at yours.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 31/05/2018 09:49

Op not sure if you saw my last post (there are a lot on here!) but a similar thing happened to me (I wondered if you were local as it's so similar it's scary!)
The police were really helpful and talked me through all the next steps. Hopefully they will come to you after they have finished at hers to talk you through what to do now.
Sorry you're going through this, it's terrifying-I lost a stone and a half in 2 weeks when it happened to me.

Ucantarguewistupid · 31/05/2018 09:49

Now the police are involved, do not message or communication any way. The police should have advised you of this. You call the police now and explain she has sent a text while they are with her.

They may give her an informal warning and ask you if you are happy with that outcome. If she makes contact again they will give a formal warning and a ban on contacting or approaching you - initially for a year I think, maybe two.

Always keep them informed the second anything happens however innocuous.

HeebieJeebies456 · 31/05/2018 09:50

does she have a partner? i wonder what he thinks of her behaviour?

Ractify · 31/05/2018 09:51

Absolutely, be sure to tell the police that she has already sent another message - either whilst they were with her, or immediately after they left.

I'm so sorry that you are in such a horrible situation, I really feel for you.

DarlingNikita · 31/05/2018 09:52

'Seriously, you called the fucking police on me!?'

What, she's texted you that? Fuck. Make sure they know!

ciderhouserules · 31/05/2018 09:52

Flipping heck. She's texting you while being told BY THE POLICE not to contact you?

Def show the latest to the Police and let them deal. You don't need to do anything more - unless she continues.

lynzpynz · 31/05/2018 09:53

So after police have visited you to tell you to leave someone alone the first course of action is to... immediately contact the very person you’ve been harassing, swearing at them for following through on what will happen if you refuse to listen to their repeated requests to leave them alone...

You have 100% done the right thing in escalating this to CPO, she sounds completely irrational and determined to cause friction and get you on your own rather than let this go. Poor you OP sounds v stressful.

Ipdipme · 31/05/2018 09:54

OP please start a new thread if you can as this ones nearly full.

Can’t believe she text you still after the police visited her!

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 31/05/2018 09:54

Like pps have said, make sure they know she messaged you whilst they were either there or at least after they left. And get them to talk you through next steps too.

AhoyDelBoy · 31/05/2018 09:57

She txt you that!?!?

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 31/05/2018 10:01

I called the number and I spoke to the colleague that has gone with him. They are still there so she must have messaged while they are literally sat in her house. She said she'd let him know now before they leave. It was supposed to be an informal chat at this point. They are coming straight here after.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 31/05/2018 10:04

@Unreasonableunreasonableness that's odd regarding what your friend's Police Officer brother has said re having to state to her that the contact is unwanted.

Everything I've learned has said the opposite (including advice from DV survivors one of whom was shot by her ex after a campaign of harassment) - any kind of reciprocation from you including a clear FUCK OFF can be construed as you participating in the conversation and can make it harder for police to intervene re harassment.

Flisspaps · 31/05/2018 10:04

@Unreasonableunreasonableness that's odd regarding what your friend's Police Officer brother has said re having to state to her that the contact is unwanted.

Everything I've learned has said the opposite (including advice from DV survivors one of whom was shot by her ex after a campaign of harassment) - any kind of reciprocation from you including a clear FUCK OFF can be construed as you participating in the conversation and can make it harder for police to intervene re harassment.

MissEliza · 31/05/2018 10:05

I wonder if hosting this bbq is being done as an excuse to contact you but also an opportunity to be the Queen bee where she can hold court and portray herself as a victim.

Flisspaps · 31/05/2018 10:05

@Unreasonableunreasonableness that's odd regarding what your friend's Police Officer brother has said re having to state to her that the contact is unwanted.

Everything I've learned has said the opposite (including advice from DV survivors one of whom was shot by her ex after a campaign of harassment) - any kind of reciprocation from you including a clear FUCK OFF can be construed as you participating in the conversation and can make it harder for police to intervene re harassment.

MissEliza · 31/05/2018 10:05

I wonder if hosting this bbq is being done as an excuse to contact you but also an opportunity to be the Queen bee where she can hold court and portray herself as a victim.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 31/05/2018 10:06

Oh goodness I've read all of these since the beginning but haven't posted before. This is awful and I'm so sorry this is happening. Do you have someone who can be with you today?

longtompot · 31/05/2018 10:06

Not posted before, but have been reading about all the madness that has been happening. I'm glad the police are now involved. Maybe she will realise just what her actions are doing to you.
I was thinking about how you could find out about the party. Could you call the pub and ask about booking a party there with exclusive use on the same night as hers? If she is really having a party that night then they will say that they are already booked.

piefacedClique · 31/05/2018 10:07

Wow!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 31/05/2018 10:09

Fliss that's exactly the advice I was given. Make a very clear statement that their behaviour is unwelcome and that if they continue you will involve the police. Without this being said (with witnesses) or written it's very difficult for them to move on to the next step to stop the harassment.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 31/05/2018 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdraw - duplicate post.

PotteryLady · 31/05/2018 10:11

She just can't get the message!!!

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