Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child

[jumpiin]

I was at the park with my son, not many people there just one other lady with her two kids. I smiled at her on the way in and she gave me a dirty look. Bit strange but just ignored it. I was playing and we were having a great time, we were laughing and I called him a cheeky monkey affectionately. This lady storms over to me and tells me not say that around her children (she was black for the record) she was very rude and stood right in my face. I asked her what the problem was and she gave me a big speech I can't exactly how she worded it as I'm fuming but she basically said, me calling my own baby a cheeky monkey was racist because he's mixed, she also said that I was ignorant and that I needed to educate myself because I know nothing about my own child's race. She then told me that I'm "just another one of those girls who thinks a brown baby is an accessory". She then stormed off and I've come straight home as the afternoon was ruined and I'm still reeling! I assume she made these assumptions because I'm white, I've taken the time to learn about my DPs culture and DS is learning to speak English and Swahili and as for seeing him as an accessory that's just ridiculous, he is the most precious and important thing in my life. Aibu to think that she was in the wrong here and that she is a part of the problem? And to think that I can call my child whatever I want as long as there's no malice behind it?!

I'm mixed race and my children's dad is black. I would absolutely not call them anything monkey related. Their dad would find it offensive aswell. I wouldn't dress them with anything with a monkey on either.

The OP has long gone, and she's very unlikely to come back, so this could be termed a zombie thread.

@Xenia thanks for your insightful post, I agree context is key.

I don't care if anyone uses it I just don't, if you are fine with it that's ok, I know it's coming from a loving place and I wouldn't hold it against anyone that did (unless I didn't know the person and they said it to my child which is a totally different scenario), I don't buy clothes with references to jungles, monkeys/chimps or bananas etc (ex. H&M jumper)

I don't feel like people should stop using it, hope that came across in my post just myself and my child being poc (I personally don't feel comfortable using it myself IYSWIM)

Also I don't think it's necessarily about censoring yourself, just the capacity of seeing it from another's perspective

We can still talk about these things and become more insightful and not have it get our backs up, especially when and where there is no intentional harm done

My parents always wanted to know what were the right terms to use so as not to offend people and I hope this family has inherited that from them. Eg my baby sister had down's syndrome (she died quickly sadly) and I remember my parents in the 60s saying some people called them mongols because they looked like peopel from Mongolia and no one meant any harm by the term but it was not the term that was now acceptable in the 1960s any more.

One reason MN and other communication people people is a good idea is so we can hear the views of others and because so many people watch US television the divided society and slavery background we don't have in quite the same way in the UK is kind of imported over here as are some of the terms used or misused; though those who don't watch US television and aren't on social media might have no idea.