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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child

355 replies

jumpiin · 24/04/2018 17:14

I was at the park with my son, not many people there just one other lady with her two kids. I smiled at her on the way in and she gave me a dirty look. Bit strange but just ignored it. I was playing and we were having a great time, we were laughing and I called him a cheeky monkey affectionately. This lady storms over to me and tells me not say that around her children (she was black for the record) she was very rude and stood right in my face. I asked her what the problem was and she gave me a big speech I can't exactly how she worded it as I'm fuming but she basically said, me calling my own baby a cheeky monkey was racist because he's mixed, she also said that I was ignorant and that I needed to educate myself because I know nothing about my own child's race. She then told me that I'm "just another one of those girls who thinks a brown baby is an accessory". She then stormed off and I've come straight home as the afternoon was ruined and I'm still reeling! I assume she made these assumptions because I'm white, I've taken the time to learn about my DPs culture and DS is learning to speak English and Swahili and as for seeing him as an accessory that's just ridiculous, he is the most precious and important thing in my life. Aibu to think that she was in the wrong here and that she is a part of the problem? And to think that I can call my child whatever I want as long as there's no malice behind it?!

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 25/04/2018 16:58

Your comparative term of endearment doesn't seem to be supported in the English dictionary. Grin

Just got told that I'm racist toward my own child
MirriVan · 25/04/2018 16:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzie48 · 25/04/2018 17:00

I don't think the OP's DS has any idea of the history of the word 'monkey', so he won't be upset by it. He'll associate it with fun times with a mum who loves him. Obviously for the other mum it triggered memories of racial abuse hence her reaction.

MirriVan · 25/04/2018 17:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Failingat40 · 25/04/2018 17:06

Now now silly Billy! You'll end up banned.

Here's a we biscuit instead of bumping your gums any further and working yourself up into a wee frenzy Biscuit

In fact here's s few...BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Oops did one hit your head!? Oh silly me.

Off you trot

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 25/04/2018 17:10

Hi all,
Could we keep the personal attacks, however fondly meant, down, please? It's all a bit sledgehammer to crack a nut...

MirriVan · 25/04/2018 17:11

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MirriVan · 25/04/2018 17:12

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MirriVan · 25/04/2018 17:13

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MirriVan · 25/04/2018 17:14

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issaflame · 25/04/2018 17:15

I love a thread where white people discuss what is racist and what isn't.

You know what, cheeky monkey can be as innocent as it can be to you you, but you mustn't be reductive about its connotations to black people.

TheKimJongUnofFeminism · 25/04/2018 17:19

Storing this up for the next time I try to point out that cunt is a vile misogynist insult and everyone tells me that in their own specific part of the country it’s a an affectionate greeting used in all circumstances by one and all.

BlueBug45 · 25/04/2018 17:20

@TheFirstMrsDV then the woman is going to have a shock when her own children grow up and get partners.

To lazy to look for a proper source but a referenced Wikipedia article gives 48% of Caribbean black man and 34% of black Caribbean women in 2014 having a partner of a different ethnicity. And I know just by being in London it's even more since that was reported.

Grammar · 25/04/2018 17:21

This left me open mouthed about just how rude some people can be.
The OP was absolutely within her rights to call HER child exactly what she wants to providing it is within the context of caring and morher/child intimacy. This she should be able to do in public.
The other person was outrageous in her confrontation.
If she felt that strongly, she should have approached the OP in a non confrontational way, gently expressing what she felt was important in 'WHAT SHE OVERHEARD'
No one should have had that experience of what happened here.
I do wonder whether she went home and felt good about herself. I certainly wouldn't.

Grammar · 25/04/2018 17:23

I should have said 'parent" child intimacy

kokolokoko · 25/04/2018 17:25

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NinaTina · 25/04/2018 17:27

I mentioned this to my dh (Afro Caribbean) and he thinks it is completely ridiculous.
As I said before, he calls our kids little monkeys / cheeky monkeys all the time!

kokolokoko · 25/04/2018 17:29

@ninatina I showed my DP and he asked where the fuck I found these people haha

NinaTina · 25/04/2018 17:31

Exactly koko - Craziness!

DemoKritic · 26/04/2018 19:20

Sorry what i'm about to say is TAAT but......someone just used this phrase on another thread, 'if you pay peanuts, you get Monkeys' Shock that's all black people innit?

Now where is Mirrivan when you need her..???? GrinGrin

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 27/04/2018 13:56

This is now on the Daily Mail, FYI!!

Vickycurran · 27/04/2018 14:15

We grew up with this term of affection. I called my daughter an abbreviated version “cheek monks”. It mean miscehvious and nothing else. Stop this nonsense!

Babymamamama · 27/04/2018 14:21

Sorry but monkey is offensive to many many black people. Not understanding that could be a problem. There are many other terms of endearment that can be used. That are not offensive.

NotAgainYoda · 27/04/2018 14:25

In the DM??? Blimey; that's a shock Hmm

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 27/04/2018 14:25

Another one who thinks "cheeky monkey" is racist? I thought it just meant a mischievous child. Hmm