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Original poster

To think it's a bit cheeky of this guy to invite himself over to mine?

105 replies

BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 24/04/2018 14:01

We've been on three dates, all very spaced-out and quite superficial. I'm not really feeling anything for him if I'm honest and could happily take him or leave him. I've been agreeing to keep meeting-up just to be open to something developing I suppose, especially as there's nobody else great in the pipeline either. Nothing much has happened physically because I'm not sure I want it to and I don't want to lead him on either (and I'm not generally one to get very physical early on anyway).

He texted to ask if I'd like to meet up for a fourth date. I said, 'Sure. How about dinner Wednesday?' He said fine and I suggested meeting in an area which is a good midway point for both of us.

He then said, 'OK. Could come to your place before or instead if that's easier?'

Erm, shouldn't it be me inviting him rather than him inviting himself?! Even if we get a take-away rather than me cooking for him?

OP posts:
ClopChops · 24/04/2018 14:03

Hmmm - could be a not very subtle way of trying to get laid, or he could genuinely mean that he is trying to save you travelling. Either way, it’s not great as he should have suggested a restaurant near you if that’s what he meant.

I would respond and say you think it’s a bit soon to be coming round to yours, but you’ll see him at x place (assuming you still want to)

Pengggwn · 24/04/2018 14:03

It's a bit forward, but maybe he's caught on to the fact that you don't like him that much and he's testing whether you want him to come over. To be honest, if by a fourth date a bloke didn't want me on his sofa (so to speak!) I'd know he was wasting my time.

Storm4star · 24/04/2018 14:03

I think he’s hoping for desert if you get my drift!

ShatnersWig · 24/04/2018 14:04

I'm not really feeling anything for him if I'm honest

You've been on three dates and about to have a forth. You ARE leading him on now. Stop seeing him.

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 24/04/2018 14:13

Y'see, I keep reading all this stuff about how people make too many snap decisions in dating these days and should give things a chance to develop. Yet three dates seems fair, doesn't it? It's not like I've dismissed him after just one.

I must admit this is really putting me off him now. No, it definitely wouldn't be easier to have to worry about feeding him and ferrying him to and from the station (since he doesn't drive) after a long day at work!!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/04/2018 14:15

Nah. If you want still meet him, just text back, 'Let's just meet at X.' I wouldn't want someone I knew so little to come to my place or know where I live, definitely wouldn't want to cook for him, either and would assume he just wants to get laid.

Noqonterfy · 24/04/2018 14:16

Well I don't think there's anything bad in what he said if you liked him, but clearly you don't, so I'd stop seeing him tbh.

Pengggwn · 24/04/2018 14:16

I think three dates, after which you can 'take him or leave him' is giving him a fair chance. Hardly a snap decision!

bootLegging · 24/04/2018 14:17

I don't think he's being cheeky.

Maybe it's time for a bit of honesty from you though.

expatinscotland · 24/04/2018 14:18

'I must admit this is really putting me off him now. No, it definitely wouldn't be easier to have to worry about feeding him and ferrying him to and from the station (since he doesn't drive) after a long day at work!!'

Now I've seen this post, I agree. I'd think, '3 dates in and you don't want to go to the effort, just want to come loaf at mine and get fed, lifts and laid? Nope.' Cut him loose. 'Given this a bit more thought. Sorry, not really interested in moving things further or home visits at this early stage. Think it's best we go out separate ways. Best of luck to you.x'

formerbabe · 24/04/2018 14:19

Stop wasting your time and his too.

Fourth date would be fairly standard for something physical to happen if both people wanted that..sounds like he does but you don't, which is fine. If I was you I'd tell him over the phone that you don't see it working out and then don't bother seeing again.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/04/2018 14:19

'No, let's just meet at X'

is terse enough for you to show you think he's overstepped without being rude.

But, sounds like this is a waste of time. You aren't really interested. And inviting himself over is cheeky.

halfwitpicker · 24/04/2018 14:22

What fizzy said.

Sweetpea55 · 24/04/2018 14:23

Whats he after by coming to your place? Something other than dinner?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2018 14:24

I don't think its offensively cheeky - why would you need to collect him? He's probably hoping he wouldn't need a lift back late at night and could make his own way home the next day. That's fine as long as you feel able to say no, which you do, and he isn't being a dick about it.

So either say no x is fine or say actually I think we should cancel, I don't want to lead you on and I'm just not into you, out words to that effect

Original poster
BeQuietAndEatYourGreens · 24/04/2018 14:40

Thinking about it even more, his financial situation may be a factor here. 'Cos frankly it doesn't seem great. Another meal in a restaurant might be a bit extravagant for him.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/04/2018 14:43

'Thinking about it even more, his financial situation may be a factor here. 'Cos frankly it doesn't seem great. Another meal in a restaurant might be a bit extravagant for him.'

Then why isn't he suggesting that he host you at his? Or that you meet for coffee or a museum or something else? Why is the default, 'How about I come loaf at yours and you feed me and hopefully I'll get laid, too?'

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2018 14:46

Perhaps he thought that suggesting you come ask the way to his might be rude and the polite thing was to offer to travel.

Op as you aren't keen anyway just ask him

twinkletoes741 · 24/04/2018 14:46

He's definitely looking to get laid.

I don't know the fella, so wouldn't like to comment if that's because he genuinely likes you or because he wants a booty call. Either way, if you're not that into him, don't lead him on.

TomHardysLittleWeener · 24/04/2018 14:50

If you aren't feeling it - don't waste his or your time. Decline the offer of dinner, move on.

Let him find someone whose fanny flutters when they see him Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 24/04/2018 14:51

Mabey you need to stop stringing him on, if there is no spark, be honest and say its not for me, sorry.

jay55 · 24/04/2018 14:54

He should have offered to cook at his place not invite himself to yours, and put the hosting on you.

drinkingwinefeelingfine · 24/04/2018 14:56

Yeah he wants you to cook and then hop into bed....I'd give him a miss

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2018 14:59

And if he'd said come over he'd be an arse for expecting OP to do all the running about

AntipodeanOpalEye · 24/04/2018 15:03

I think he's trying to find out how you feel about him. You've been accepting dates, but maybe he senses mixed messages so he is now trying his hand to see if fancy him or not. After 3 dates you should at least know if you fancy him, and if not let him know it's not going to work.